Posted by
Benjamin Leo
• 07.29.11 12:15 pm


Tell me if this happens to you too: At least once per jerk-off session, my mind involuntarily jumps to an undesirable thought or image and I have to reel ‘er back in.

Tell me if this happens to you too: At least once per jerk-off session, my mind involuntarily jumps to an undesirable thought or image and I have to reel ‘er back in.

In my experience, there are two primary categories of C.J.I. (Cognitive Jerk-Off Interruptions) :

1. A NON-SEXUAL THOUGHT BASED ON FACTS OR RESPONSIBILITIES

This can be anything from “Fuck, did my rent check clear?” to “Wait, this ‘Bang Bus’ isn’t a bus at all — it’s actually the same van the “Libyans” had in Back to the Future. Talk about blue balls: Remember how the first movie ended with “To Be Continued,” but then ten years later they still hadn’t made a sequel? What year did the second one finally come out? [Stop to check Wikipedia].”

This is actually the more disruptive type of C.J.I. If you yield to the impulse and investigate the intruding thought on other websites (e.g. Bank of America or Google), you can end up heading down a hypertextual trail of distraction. When you finally return, you’re likely to be left with a shriveled mushroom and will need to start your session again from scratch.

2. A SEXUAL THOUGHT ABOUT SOMEONE YOU DO NOT WANT TO HAVE A SEXUAL THOUGHT ABOUT

As an experienced masturbator, you know that The Game is 99% mental: That’s why the orgasm is maximized by finding the right porn clip exactly 20 seconds before your climax. So when, for some inexplicable reason, your MOM, your sister or, God forbid, your wife pops into your head during a session, it can be a painful setback. The unexpected imagery usually results in a a genital clench and necessitates a backtrack.

These Type 2 obstacles are the most unpleasant form of C.J.I., but fortunately, unless you have serious concentration problems, they’re usually also the quickest. Swift escape from these unwelcome images is always possible with the help of a good clean Next and a focused intake of porn.

Now: Casey Anthony.

There’s been a lot of talk about this girl in a sexualized context and waves of desire have steadily been building throughout our gender’s national consciousness.

She’s in the public eye, like Hitler once was; she’s familiar, vulnerable and soft.

Soft, soft, soft:

Beautiful girl, and in the courtroom, just marked by a tremendous effort and tension — that’s what the attraction is all about and that’s why she’s getting porn offers from every corner of the industry.

For now, there’s no hardcore. You’ll have to use her as a fluffer — an appetizer, if you will — but look closely at the pictures and I know they’ll get you going:

Achtung though! Here’s the danger: One of the reasons I’ve assembled these pictures for our usage is because Image Googling Casey Anthony will lead you to a fucking disaster. The result sets are LITTERED with pictures of her dead child. Talk about a C.J.I. — it makes thinking of your grandma look like a free day-pass to Brazzers.

Game on: We’ve had plenty of practice, boys. We’ve been pushing bad thoughts out of our heads for years. Let no C.J.I. stand in the way.

Scroll back up and get it going — and if children or child-killer or Manson or OJ or fetus or rope or toddler or choking pop into your head? Be a man: Dismiss that shit. Focus on those tits.

-BENJAMIN LEO

For secret bonus pics, contact Ben Leo on Twitter


Comments
  1. FaceHeadAss says:

    I got to the Ohio State pic, then boom.

  2. AssOnFace says:

    You are hilarious!! Very true about those damn CJI’s, ruining my orgasm! Muthfuckas!!!

  3. DR says:

    She really does look like that Apprentice contestant you can’t quite put your finger on.

  4. Sir-gets-alot says:

    The truth.

  5. Sir-gets-alot says:

    Those deflated pancake titties look like the empty milk jugs that belong to a mother of one… But that stomach… God damn!!!

  6. chRon says:

    Nice post Mr Leo. I would also argue that there’s a time and place for a bit of “intentional C.J.I”. Being a young man in the height of my sexual prime, I often find myself producing random erections of Herculean proportions. Imagine my embarrassment when I find that I can’t stand up at the end of a daily office meeting due to a preponderance of Hardwood Lumber in my pants. I imagine that the solution would differ from person to person, but “French-kissing Grandpa” is always a thought that banishes ‘wood from my trouser ‘hood in seconds flat. A useful technique, but use it sparingly so it doesn’t backfire on you during moments of legitimate arousal!!!

  7. Dipset says:

    we kill girls, rape em, bury the skirts.

  8. Wimmywamwozzle says:

    That Ohio state pic makes me randy.

  9. ew says:

    i really don’t see her appeal. she looks like a weird elf. and she looks pretty stupid

  10. Ya Blew It! says:

    WAWAWAWAWA

  11. busted says:

    how did her hair get so long when she was in the clink? clearly she wasn’t taking in large amounts of vit D in there. I always think that when I see courtroom photos.

  12. I'm awesome, and I fuck dolphins says:

    Yeah I can’t get it up for this baby killing sycophant.

  13. pearl clemons says:

    i used to throw one down to nicole brown simpson once in a while (post-mortem, obviously) and i never suffered an intrusive CJI of Oj knifing me to ruin it, but i try to steer away from the killers. anyone else play that split: victims, yes; killers, no?

  14. Damian says:

    @I’m awesome. Sycophant? Did you just learn that word in summer school?

  15. yikes says:

    i like her tits.

  16. Bathead says:

    What the fuck are you smoking? Low-self esteem crack? The baby killer is okay, probably 5 kitties. Not worth this kind of attention.

  17. Cable Guy says:

    Pearl – yes, that sounds like a decent division. Wish I had thought of that before I rubbed one out to this bitch.

  18. Uncle Wah Wah says:

    Don’t focus on those tits. Little Caley suckled on them; they are like a shrine to her memory. HAHAHAHAHA

  19. I'm awesome, and I fuck dolphins says:

    @Damian No, I learned it the same way I learned what an egomaniac was at the age of 7. By watching professional wrestling.

  20. Lapht Rack says:

    Hysterical.

  21. i guess she's somewhat attractive, yes, but really, there's much more worthwhile spank material on the internet. the real question is, would you do her in a real life situation? says:

    i have no opinion on the matter

  22. Brazzers says:

    is for wankers.

  23. tgcrjhfg says:

    @i guess she’s somewhat attractive, yes, but really, there’s much more worthwhile spank material on the internet. the real question is, would you do her in a real life situation?

    You allude to a real point, there really are much better options out there for a purely looks-driven wank. It is her semi-celebrity that makes her something more. I see it as the same reason on some image boards, where personal pictures of girls are posted as jack material, most people immediately want to know her name, get a link to her Facebook, etc. So if she didn’t have the story attached to her, it wouldn’t be as good. Somewhere in your brain, the knowledge that she is what she is makes her arousing.

  24. horny says:

    i jerked off to her last night.shes hot

  25. Casey Fan says:

    I jerk off to Casey all the time!

  26. Eric says:

    I’D LOVE TO BE CASEYS SLAVE! L’D DO ANYTHING FOR HER!


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