Posted by
Street Carnage
• 12.20.12 10:45 pm



Juggalos on OKCupid is a blog that aggregates the lonely souls of OKCupid who also describe themselves as members of the Insane Clown Posse “fam,” which is Midwestern methed-out Caucasian street patois for “family.”

The blog currently runs 44 pages and features several fetching young female specimens, all of whom seem to be bisexual single moms, several of them who are so fat they couldn’t fit into the frame of any camera that didn’t come with a “panorama” setting, and many of whom seem to have been crossbred with livestock. Many of these girls appear to have been born in either a dumpster or a toilet.

We’ve chosen ten of the most adorable profiles. Mangia!


My self-summary:
There is a few things that I want to address about myself and if you dont like it, then I’m sorry.

1. I have Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, and Depression
2. No matter what has happened, I will always be your friend.
3. I have a violent side when you make me mad.
4. I am the most big hearted, sensitive person you’ll ever know.
5. I have 10 kids. 1 biological and 9 I take on as my own.
6. I always do the best I can with what I’ve got.
7. I may not be the perfect mother, but I am a damn good mother.
8. My son is my first and foremost priority.
9. You have no right to judge me.
10. If you don’t like me, FUCK YOU and have a nice day.

If you want to fuck me over, crush my heart, and/or use me for my money, then you be prepared for the worst ride of your life. I’m done with being used, with being spread way too thin, fucked over, abused, and hurt bcuz of men and most of my so called friends…………

I’m 23 years old. I have a 3 turning 4 year old son. He is my life and my first and foremost priority. If you can’t understand that, get to steppin. I’m a juggalette, I’ve been down with the clown for 2 yrs. I listen to ICP, Boondox, ABK, Twiztid, and Blaze. If you dont like that then, I’m sorry. Im looking for someone that is willing to get to know me, like/love me despite my flaws, honest, faithful, and loves kids and wants some/more. I’m outgoing, talkative, fun to hang out with and be around, has a tendency to brighten everyone’s day when i smile…dont know why lol…..and I just want to meet that right guy…..I’m tired of being hurt and screwed over and I finally for once wanna find that genuine man that isn’t out for just one thing and one thing only…..
The six things I could never do without:
1. My Son
2. Dr. Pepper (lol)
3. My family

 


My self-summary:
Umm…yeah….hi!!! Im Kira!!! Im 26. I have two daughters so if you dont like kids then BACK THE EFF OFF AND EFF YOU MOTHER EFFER!!! Did I mention Im really really lame??? I like it that way though….Im a huge nerd!!! I will add more to this when I get the chance…to be continued…..lol…oh yeah and people have told me I am kinda emo at times lol…not sure whether thats a good thing or a bad thing but hey…whatever!!!

I am spontaneous, weird, and insane.
What I’m doing with my life:
WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT!!!

Im also in search of the SHORT BUS…..I want to lick the windows!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Kurt lol….he will always be my short bus co-driver!!!

I am about to start school again…online at DeVry….going for my associates in web graphic design…..its going to be RAD and Im uber excited about it!!!
The six things I could never do without:
1. My kick ass daughters!!!
2. My dog Cooper…
3. Music
4. Freedom of Speech and freedom of expression and creativity…
5. mmm sweet tea or red bull….its a hard choice!!!
6. MYSPACE!!!

 


My self-summary:
I don’t judge a book by its cover. I’m really sweet and caring. I’m fun to be around, I can be loud but yeah… I’m really outgoing and spontaneous. As I do have a child my spontaneity is kind of limited. I have 14 piercings, and 2 tattoos. My piercings consist of: Tongue, Nose, Eyebrow twice, Right ear 5 times, Left ear 3, and Industrial on my left ear counting as 2. I then have my daughters name on my left arm, and a hatchetman on my right breast. I love to travel, couldn’t name how many places I’ve been in the past few years. I’m not looking for someone to take care of me financially, I’m looking for someone to physically and emotionally. I have a bit of an attitude and a bit of a childish side to me, but I believe that’s what makes me who I am… I can be serious but life is too short to take serious 24/7/365.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit:
I miscarried a child when I was 18. I then proceeded to beat the girls head into the asphalt that my ex-fiance had cheated on me with, whom stressed me out, thus making me miscarry. Wow…

And I’m dating a female. Lol

 


My self-summary:

Ay yay!
Whud up Family from everywhere? They call me WendyMichelle aka Child! & i’mma mafuckin’ Juggalo & I rep the fuck outta LSP,got soooo much love.♥
I have so much love for everywhere ive been & I love to travel,Ive been across the country more than twice now! & Honestly,the road is my home. I love meeting new Family from everywhere.
I love going to showz & The Gathering of the Juggaloz.
I’m more street smart than book smart. I got my GED instead of a diploma but whatever the fuck. I’m in College these dayz studying & doing Cosmetology.
In my eyez,im successful & I know what the fuck is up.
People judge me & talk shit but they just wasting there time. Ima sweethearted bitch.
Im complex & though ina relationship,im independent & nothing holdz me back & nothing ever will. Edz is my Juggalo,& we gonna see the world togetha! We inlove♥ & I can’t wait to see him again!!
I am me & thatz all I can be!
I believe in unity & family. & ill respect you to the fullest if you respect me.
Im ina constant daze & love to smoke herb & I love having homiez to smoke with. I dont smoke ciggz! They ew.
Im down to Earth yet oh so crazy. Im free spirited & relaxed.
& most of all,ima WickedClown! JFFL!!
To get to know me better,have a conversation with me,don’t add me for no reason.
Whoop whoop ninjaz!

What I’m doing with my life:
Give me flyerz & cdz & i’ll make sure you’re heard of!
I’ll promote anyone out there. I love the underground.

The six things I could never do without:
my homies
weed
sex
my dread falls
my phone
WEEDDD

The most private thing I’m willing to admit:
im into necrophilia

 


My self-summary:
I’m a recovering alcoholic. ;) I am a loving woman, I love to have fun and smoke weed. If the whole world was high it would be such a better place… I have been arrested three times and did jail time last summer. It made me stronger. Life is too short to take shit from anyone. Always look out for number ONE and stop fearing people, only fear one man: God. Count your blessings instead of sheep.

I am narcissistic, optimistic, and realistic
What I’m doing with my life:
Strugglin
I’m really good at:
Being a mommy, shopping, dancing, and oh yes- pleasing men.
The first things people usually notice about me:
pure bootyliciousness
I spend a lot of time thinking about:
pot and sex, sex and pot.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit:
I’ve never been with a woman but I am an aspiring lez.

 


My self-summary:
i can’t summarize myself in a little box. fuck that. message me if you’d like to know what i’m about.
The first things people usually notice about me:
i’m not like most chicks.
On a typical Friday night I am:
baked like a potato.

 


My self-summary:
Well I’m really bad at this kinda thing, but my names Ashley :D hi! Lol um I’m a good girl with a bad girl side, I like to have fun I’m spontaneous and a bit of a dork lol, I like adventures, I LOVE ZOMBIES lol and horror movies, even the crappy ones,
I’m really good at:
Hmm I’m really good at being blond lol trust me
I spend a lot of time thinking about:
Zombies! Lol I love zombies! I’m so ready for the apocalypse lol its gunna happen!

 


What I’m doing with my life:
Just working so i can pimp my truck out.
The six things I could never do without:
1.hatchet man 2.Juggalo family 3.chapstick 4.my truck 5.coffee 6.my smokes 7.shoes 8.dick
On a typical Friday night I am:
out at the street races and or drinking,club’n,sleeping freaking out the old people,running from the cops (never seen a fat kid run so fast till the fuzz shows up)

 


My self-summary:
I am Dani :) 18 year old..Imma juggalo for life. If you do not know what a juggalo is or don’t like juggalos, Please do not judge me based on what other people act like. I am different. I am me.

I play the violin, and i have been playing for 8 years. I love it lol. Im very interested in the paranormal. That shit is sick.

 


My self-summary:
I am a ghetto girl at heart who loves my juggalo music. I am a little ‘let who enjoys a good romp. I enjoy going to extreme rap concerts at all of the major venues. When I am not wearing my makeup (usually daily) I enjoy horses, tiny water guns (no shooting the face, it runs), reading John Grisham novels. I am a history buff who enjoys a long arguement about Hitler. I am a homely girl but dont let the looks scare you I am a cuddlebug at heart.
The six things I could never do without:
Hair saloons, Make-up, Lava lamps, Hair piks, Wig Head Displays, Car Air Fresheners (they make for a good deodorant touch up)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit:
I go to petstores just to try the free samples.

 


Comments
  1. Anonymous says:

    Holy fuck this is awesome

  2. CJ says:

    “I’m a recovering alcoholic…I love to have fun and smoke weed.” That’s gold.

  3. hmm, if her son if her number 1 priority, why is he listed at number 8?

  4. Joey says:

    Ok Cupid is the shit. So is Plenty of Fish. I get laid off both of them constantly and not all of the womenfolk are as beastly as those you have featured. I am currently setting up a Christian Mingle profile, too. Take note: any girl who writes that she is “not looking for a hookup” on her profile will be putting out after a boring hour or two at the local coffee shop or bar.

  5. Harrumph says:

    BRB, gotta reup my old prozac script now.
    What a bummer.

  6. Kennedy says:

    I saw that last one at the local hair saloon(sic).

  7. tommy gun says:

    thank you this was legendary

  8. Double says:

    This was so beautiful it brought a tear to my eye. Magnificent, no joke.

  9. Mealium says:

    @ Joey: we demand more details. of your encounters and any tips& tricks you migt have.

  10. I could understand this shit if these people were just misfit teenagers, but the fact that people in their 20s paint themselves like clowns in some desperate attempt at belonging is sadder than watching a three legged trip on ice trying to save its drowning puppies.

    When I went to parties/raves/weird-places-with-weird-music as a kid, I’d meet people like this. I went there to party but these peeps always seemed to be filling a hole. It would be an occasion for sympathy if they didn’t do everything in their power to be as repulsive as possible. Christ.

    Pro Tip: If your feeling isolated and alienated, diets are a better remedy than clown makeup, aye?

  11. zbow says:

    ^ you’r right. i much prefer those who at least have the decency to wear $300 sunglasses while drinking $2 beer.


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