Posted by
Shift
• 01.02.13 05:00 am


According to my Internet research, between six people and 500 million people have signed a petition to have 6’1″ CNN cable news anchor Piers Morgan deported to his native England for less-than-kind comments he made to a gun-liker on his show On The Go With Piers.

In the interest of full disclosure, that might not be the name of his show. Finding someone who has ever heard of Piers Morgan before now let alone seen his or anyone else’s show on CNN or even knows where that is on your cable dial is no mean feat.

Especially if you only associate with the criminal fringe and the disenfranchised as I do. You try to interview them just as they fall through the cracks in the system.

“Essentially, ah believes dat AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

Cool Earl will be missed.

Besides, the editors at Street Carnage have a strict policy against its crack journalists such as myself attributing libelous quotes to peoples’ street names, i.e. “Killa,” “Daddy Cake,” “G,” et al.

There go my sources.

I will say this, though, about this, this Piers Morgan—it wouldn’t be the first time we had to run some meddling Limey on up outta here, now, would it?

Ha! Remember King George? Elton John? The list goes on and on.

Let pious prisspot poofter Piers Morgan mince and lisp his way back to Jolly Olde Increasingly Muslim England to have high tea with Cat Stevens. Don’t let the border smack you on the “bum” (British for “rump”).

I say we deport all “cable news” guys, regardless of “beliefs.” Believe me a river, douche nozzles! Now git! Beat it!

If they’re not helping to pick our crops, who needs them?

If you have a “cable news” show through the sociopolitical equivalent of nepotism and seem to think any of us gives a flying care what you think about anything, please report to the nearest branch of the Immigration & Naturalization Service.

We just want to talk to you. Better pack a lunch.

Can we legally deport Chris Matthews? Or does it have to be someone originally from another country?

Is it necessary for deportees to have souls? Or can we deport Brian Williams, too?

And what’s with this “new” Katie Couric? Pack her off to England, too, if she refuses to be perky anymore.

Let her interview the Queen of England: “I’m going to ask you one more time…”

Any petitions going around to deport Bob Costas? Let me know if you need my John Hanc*ck.

Remember that, that “Keith Olbermann,” these peoples’ constituent who actually had a “show” on a cable “news” outlet that actually stayed on the “air” for a while?

Oh, I’m sure cable news outlets hire people who aren’t embarrassing charlatans, too.

Deport them all. Let’s play “Hardball.”

 

—SHIFT

 


Comments
  1. pfft says:

    what?

  2. zbow says:

    This doesn’t bode well for Gavin.

  3. S says:

    “the sociopolitical equivalent of nepotism”

    That’s a keeper.

  4. durka durka jihad says:

    I thought most of the butthurt after the last round of shootings was the providence of liberals.Thank you for not disappointing, flag-wavers. Did the big bad man on the television say something that hurt your feewings? To call this controversy gay is insulting to faggots.


Leave A Reply