Posted by
• 05.30.14 10:48 am


Why the fuck are football players wearing pink? Are you telling us that breast cancer exists? We know. We just don’t want to think of our dying aunt on a Sunday when we’re relaxing with the family and screaming at the TV.  

In my column this week, I said bananas on the pitch are a myth. It maybe happened once in Britain. It happens all the time in Eastern Europe and South America where the evil soccer hooligan narrative doesn’t play so we don’t hear about it. The PC revisionists have completely rewritten history and turned Britain’s working class into a bunch of intolerant assholes but they weren’t and they aren’t. They’re violent assholes and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s fun. It’s also the history of soccer. The whole game was invented as an excuse to fight. The fact that political correctness has invaded the game there and begun to invade all sports here is a sign that no meritocracy is safe.

I was born in England to Scottish parents. Our last name was McGuinnes but my grandfather was ashamed of our Irish roots and changed it. I’ve been going back there every year and although I don’t really give a shit about sports, watching the perception of the fans change is fascinating. It’s Stalinist revisionism.

Soccer used to be a blue collar sport but now that the middle and upper classes are getting involved, they want to tell everyone how to behave. That’s bad for Britain and the game and it’s going to be terrible for America.



  1. RED says:

    Seeing hot pink on a Packers uniform is particularly egregious. Totally distracts you from the game.

  2. Calendar Girl says:

    Gavin it’s May. Football has been over for at least 4 months now. How long have you been holding this rant in?

  3. dad says:

    for someone who hates PC culture, de-masculinization of the general dudery, and collectivist socialist pussies there has lately been a neverending flow of content to discuss. i can see how this one would have been pushed back a few months.

  4. Aldo says:

    Im not sure violence is “fun”, perhaps go and read about actual sectarian violence thats happens in Scotland that you have never had to live around. Your article and logic is flawed all over the place, the “British Football League”?, eh? never heard of it.

    Bannas on the pitch

    Feel free to read about Nil By Mouth and young men getting their throats slashed which is all part of the “fun” just for starters.

    An English born male, raised in Canada and lives in NYC waffling about the “Stalinism” of U.K football , thats the funniest part of the whole article.

  5. Terry Thomas says:

    This is utter pap, get a fucking grip Canadian bacon!

  6. Ben says:

    “Our last name was McGuinnes but my grandfather was ashamed of our Irish roots and changed it.”

    Your grandfather was a moron. If anything he should have put another “S” at the end.
    “McGuinness.. yes.. spelled EXACTLY like the greatest beer in the world.. I know.. of course I’m constantly ecstatic.”

  7. Ghetto Defendant says:

    Gavin, the NFL doesn’t have the players in pink every year as a nod to political correctness. It’s like everything else in big business, in America, it’s a dollar chase. The NFL has reached almost a 50/50 fan base split between men and women who watch the games. They’re catering to their whooping 49% female demographic to keep selling lady’s jerseys.

  8. Alec Leamas says:

    “Our last name was McGuinnes but my grandfather was ashamed of our Irish roots and changed it.”

    Doesn’t every Scot of note with the exception have Irish roots (I mean, roots from sometime after the Gaels migrated to Scotland around A.D. 600)? Sean Connery, Billy Connolly, Gerard Butler, etc?

  9. will f. says:

    Dear Sir: Could you please give us some information about that photo on the right, featuring women fighting in a cemetery. What circumstances led to that moment, what is the backstory..that photo is rather mesmerizing. thanking you in advance….

  10. Philip Seymourz Ghost says:

    I’m not a millipede!!!

  11. Higher Learning says:

    After reading this it’s painfully apparent you’re out of your depth with sports. Your argument is hard to make sense of since you keep moving back and forth between points about the actions of fans and sports organizations. What you don’t acknowledge anywhere is that the majority of the anti-violence, anti-racist movements within the sports are actively supported by or entirely founded by players. Their opinion probably counts for a little bit more than yours. Also Italy and Spain aren’t Eastern Europe.

    Take 5 minutes and do a google search about PLAYERS complaining about the situation in European football. This isn’t the product of some liberal fiction, its real. If anything your attempt to paint violence and racism as part of some rich sporting heritage that has any relevance to the actual games being played is fiction.

    I’ve been in a football riot, it’s the antithesis of civilization and has nothing to do with sports.

  12. Alec Leamas says:

    I’ve been in a football riot, it’s the antithesis of civilization and has nothing to do with sports.

    Except we’d just call them riots and not football riots.

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