Posted by
• 02.09.12 02:30 pm

Former child star Macaulay Culkin—who is forever cursed to have every news story ever written about him until his death start with the phrase “Former child star Macaulay Culkin” …

Former child star Macaulay Culkin—who is forever cursed to have every news story ever written about him until his death start with the phrase “Former child star Macaulay Culkin”—spent much of his youth bobbing up and down on the lap of former child star Michael Jackson. Now at appears as if he’s spent most of his adulthood losing weight.

Da Culk was spotted walking the streets of Manhattan on Wednesday by an alert member of the paparazzi, who snapped the shocking snapshot you see above.

Obviously this isn’t strictly the result of diet. So why does he look this way? Is it AIDS? Heroin? Meth? A combo of all three? If so, in what percentages?

Whoever give most creative answer will receive, postage-paid and wrapped in a discreet envelope, a FREE Street Carnage sticker!

  1. Chad says:

    He stepped into a grampifying ray

  2. Sniffy says:

    He’s got Lou Reed disease. A mix of heroin and bad hair can make anyone look like a Twilight Vampire.

  3. kimgnar says:

    He just misses Mila.

  4. Mobot says:

    Prepping for his new movie role as Ruth Ginsburg.

  5. Name says:

    If he’s got full-blown AIDS then that means Mila Kunis is at least HIV+.

  6. gospel stomper says:

    He’s an actor so it’s anyone’s guess, since he might only be acting.

  7. blaahus poopus says:

    Willem Defoe with a five espressos, pack a day lifestyle.

  8. Wtf says:

    Who here put their hands on their face and screamed AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when they saw this?

  9. Vinny milkcrate says:

    He looks like he’s in character for the roll of the ghost of Christmas fart.

  10. BillyAIDSvirus says:

    he’s getting into character to star as one of the skesis in real life remake of the dark crystal

  11. Chris says:

    Maybe he’s just stepped out of a screen test for “Homeless Alone II – This Shit Just Got Methy”…and failed to get the part of an ‘older himself’. Hence the incredulous look.

  12. Diamond Dan says:

    40% heroin, 30% meth, 29% Michael Jackson raped the career out of me at age 7 and a 1% sprinkle of aids

  13. Anonymous says:

    Michael Jackson’s semen is world renowned for it’s anti-aging properties. Culkin has been around for centuries

  14. grumpy old man says:

    aids, meth, heroin and a strict diet of lucky charms

  15. Vlad says:

    He just tried to watch Russian TV for one day.

  16. I think percentages would be misleading. It’s more like a Venn Diagram with overlapping areas of Meth, Porn Exposure, and recently touching a Holy Grail imposter from the set of Indiana Jones.

  17. Dewan says:

    He’s suffering from symptoms of Michael Jackson.

  18. chester says:

    He got hit with the swinging paint bucket of addiction on the stairs of life.

  19. BJ and The Bear says:

    I shined a flashlight in his ass while he was asleep and yep, you guessed it: pinworms. Classic side effect of too much overcooked dialog with Claire Danes.

  20. Rowan says:

    The man just loves his Triscuits & Vaseline.

  21. ??? says:

    I heard his ex (Milla) is trying to quit coke…hence the recent weight gain. So I’m going to say heavy coke with heroin tendencies.

  22. Laura says:

    He caught some of that Thom Yorke shit

  23. Greasy Deasy says:

    Human-goat morphing. Way of the satanic future

  24. Foobar says:

    Heavy coke fueled party probably. He’s usually seen at Barcelona’s nightspots giving everything.

  25. Franklin Couverup says:

    That’s what happens when you sleep your way to the top. Still no parents to be seen anywhere. Check out the Cory Feldman, Dianne Sayer interview. You will then bow to me for being the most ruthless motherfucker ever. Besides the week old condom that posted this. Keep the change jerk offs. The Postage costs more than the sticker. I’ll take the e-version sticker on tape. That way no vinyl trees will get cut down. Joe Strummer Channeled from ya boi. I’m psychic.

  26. miss appalachian says:

    don’t you remember? he didn’t get to finish his mac ‘n cheese – he’s still in character.

  27. Sam says:

    Could be just smoking a lot of weed. I know a fair few skinny people who smoke tons of cannabis. I smoked it for 10 years. As soon as i quit it for good i got fat 😐

  28. A-Non says:

    The best revenge is living well.

  29. Marv&Harry says:

    Looks like the sticky bandits are getting the last laugh!

  30. nip says:

    Richie Rich meets Party Monster meets Getting Even With Dad.

  31. Matrick Swayze says:

    Looks like an acute case of Beavisitis.

  32. Michael Jackson's Corpse says:

    Nothing a little plastic surgery and lots of rest can’t doctor up. Call Conrad while I pick a nose for Mackey out of my Mr. Potato Head kit.


    STILL fucking too soon?

    Go sniff LaToya’s yeast stained panties you bastards.

    FREE Jerry Sandusky!!!!

  33. Nick says:

    Steve Buscemi and Gary Busey had a gay baby.

  34. Boner says:

    He’s got aids.

    Full blown aids.

  35. Anonymous says:

    I can’t think of anything creative myself, so I vote for WTF for the sticker prize.

  36. Bansai says:

    A-Non wins. Brilliant.

  37. morbo says:

    i think he’s just vegan

  38. bumrodgers says:

    he looks like he’s filling in for the guy who plays Cricket on always sunny

  39. swamp thing says:

    he lost the will to live after reading Street Carnage’s lame comments section

  40. Craig says:

    His girlfriend, Mila Kunis, has been absorbing his talent and life via sex osmosis.
    I don’t know if they’re still together or not, but the concept still remains.

  41. Steatopygiaphile says:

    For a moment I thought that was Ellen Degeneres

  42. man says:

    nobody cares what happens to any of you as you age and become hideous in appearance, there were no redeeming qualities in any of you as children to endear you to the public, and there are no redeeming qualities in any of you now. So you want a sticker to show for it all. Guess it’s better than nothing at all, as if you never existed in the first place.

  43. Miss universe says:

    I got a bunch of those stickers in the mail four years ago, and i thought: “Gross!” and, “What am I, a walking billboard?”

  44. Anonymous says:

    he has benjamin button disease

  45. t.a. says:

    he has benjamin button disease

  46. pony says:

    i think he has benjamin button disease

  47. pingpong says:

    Culkin doesn’t believe in Benjamin Button disease. He wasn’t born yesterday

  48. girl says:

    There is a snake living in his hair and every time he tries to eat the snake slithers into his mouth and takes the food. He either thinks that the snake’s poop is conditioning his hair or it is the mother of Micheal Jackson’s children and he promised Micheal he would look after it.

  49. aaron musgrove says:

    Steven Hawking called,…..he says, ” I cant use the phone, how did I call?”

  50. quincy jones illuminati says:

    who gives a shit u pussy

  51. the arrogant arsonist says:

    He’s in the middle of shooting the sequel to Christian Bale’s The Machinist. How The Machinist Gets His Groove Back.

  52. Craig B. says:

    It’s Daryl from Hall & Oates…idiots.

    Obama 2012

  53. jb says:

    he looks like my ball sack only with better hair

  54. Zippy says:

    I hope his deathbed confession will be, “I took it up the ass from the King of Pop five times a week. I felt like a Greek God!!!!!!!!!!!!”


  55. Tim. says:

    He’s researching a role for a movie about his future self who eventually dies from a combination of AIDS, Heroin, and Meth.

  56. heroin town says:

    full blown AIDS ya filthy animal.

  57. Scofield says says:

    He’s auditioning for the role of the old man in the “Home Alone” remake.

  58. ghostwriter says:

    I’m not trying to contribute a “creative” post, just a comment: dude’s on smack. I know it when I see it. If the gaunt look wasn’t already a dead giveaway, the sleeves-to-the-knuckles thing sure is. junkies don’t get to looking like that overnight; by the time they do, they’ve moved from shooting inside the upper forearm to the back of the hand, the tops of the feet, anywhere that veins are visible. Once those veins are useless, it gets a bit harder to find viable injection sites. By that time, though, there’s usually very little time left anyway.

    I guarantee dude’s got less than a year. No one turns it around once they’ve hit this stage, unless they get incarcerated. Mark the date.

  59. Anonymous says:

    I dunno… I worked AIDS hospice as a nurse in NYC n he kinda looks like my last patient did about a week before he died, absolutely NO pun intended. Wow, sad and scary at the same time. Whatever it is, I hope he gets good medical care. Not so sure it’s junk tho, doesn’t quite fit.
    A lot of people when they get AIDS(or other terminal disease)wasting syndrome look like this and wear the sleeves-to-the-knuckles because they are just trying to hide how bad they really are. If he has Kaposi’s Sarcoma(or KS), he may have lesions on his hands he wants to cover. Remember Calista FLockhart when she was trying to cover up her anorexia issues with all the over sized baggy clothes? Same kind of thing.

  60. There is a thin line between a genius and a maniac, Mccaulay culkin was a born genius , so was albert einstein, albert hoffman,michael jackson , gandhiji , etc . They are not mentally challenged, They are differently abled or differently talented , They are not god , They have super natural powers, which i believe is the result of their moms blessing and gods grace and fathers support. Mccaulay culkin needs emotional support , dont kill the poor man !!god bless him , , he will be in a safer place , heaven

    om shanti om

  61. […]  I actually think the news media has done a decent job sympathetically reporting on this salacious story.  Eva had a drug problem, which led to her death, and Hans has a drug problem, which led to his crazed problem solving skills.  I wonder what will be said when this happens to my boy. […]

  62. Americans should not murder him with their mouth,he is lonely I guess that was why he found cocaine as his best friend,which was a bad option,I pray God helps him and heal him,and that’s if he is willing to repent,money can’t provide all,but God can,because he created us in his own image and likeness.

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  64. Luke says:

    From his activity level and skin tone it looks like severe opiate/coke/meth use rather than HIV/AIDS. Hope he can deal with his issues.

  65. Mango says:

    Everybody are you blind???
    He is holding red bull energy drink, it means his immune system is very weak.
    And i think that he is HIV + infected otherwise why this energy drink???

  66. Mango says:

    that’s why please use ALWAYS CONDOM before you have sexual affair with anybody.
    It is a simple think but will certainly protect you and your family.

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