More true tales from my tail:
In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil, I told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of ‘none of your business’ City Hospital. Me and my homosexual partner “Kiki” had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in, I explained. As usual, Kiki shouted out ‘Armageddon’, my cue that he’d had enough.
I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn’t come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him.
At a hushed press conference, the hospital described what happened next. “The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting The Real OogaBooga’s hair and severely burning his face.
It also set fire to the gerbil’s fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball.”
I suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Kiki suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
Another time when I was a teenager, and still in the closet, I arrived at the ER complaining of rectal bleeding. I was too embarrassed to provide the truth, but provided the examing doctor a clue: “There might be something stuck in my rear end.”
The examination revealed a non-tender abdomen, but a rectal exam showed blood coming from my anus. A speculum exam revealed a bloody stool and a dead gerbil.
I eventually explained that I slid cardboard tubing from a paper towel roll up my ass. I forced my pet rodent into my rectum. *sniff sniff* Once my little friend was in, I pulled the tube out.
My brilliant idea was that as my gerbil suffocated, it would scratch and claw at the lining of my rectum, providing me an intense sensation. My little butt buddy should then have been defecated, but the swelling and bleeding had caused him to be entombed in my rectum.
I required pain medication and antibiotics after my dead gerbil was removed, then allowed to go home with a sore ass and my head hung in shame.
At that time I chalked it up as an episode of “Best laid plans of mice and men often go astray ” and that I’d just wrecked my rectum.
I’ve grown since then and other than the fetching gone wrong episode I described up above have learned the proper techniques of gerbil riding and am proud of who I am, The Real OogaBooga.
Consider my disbelief officially suspended.
“F-Father?”The young altar boy OogaBooga asked, haltingly, hanging up his
“Yes, OogaBooga?” he answered, patting the boy’s head.
“You got a big thing, doncha?”
“Hunh? What in heaven do you mean?”
“You know…your thing! It always sticks out a lot.”
“W-well, gosh. I suppose I do, but…”
“Can I see it?”
“Certainly not, my son! What on earth possesses you to make
such a request? That would simply not be proper!”
“OogaBooga? Why would you even want to see it? Are…are you
becoming a homosexual, my boy?”
“Is that the same thing as a fag?”
“Well, yes it is…in the vernacular.”
“Cause that’s what my brother said I was when he caught me
doin’ it to Chuckie Nordstrom.”
“Uh, doing it? Doing what, exactly?”
“You know…suckin’ his thing.”
“Um…you were caught, uh, s-sucking Charles Nordstrom’s
“Yeah. He was doin’ it too. He was suckin’ mine! We always
do it even steven.”
“That’s…that’s terrible. It’s a…a mortal sin.”
“Really? Gee, I thought you’d go for it. My brother said
that all priests are fags and like to blow little boys. You’re
handsome and I thought I’d get a chance to suck on a really big
one! Chuckie said to let him know cause he’d like to suck on
“MY, OH MY MY MY!” Father Templer was totally flustered.
He had to turn away from the beautiful boy because his prick
was raging beneath his cassock. But not before OogaBooga noticed
it and reached a hand around and took hold of it.
“GOLLY, IT’S HUGE!”
“OogaBooga! Stop that!” the priest slapped his hand away…
“Nobody’s around, Father. Lemme see it. I’ll suck it for
“I like the juice that squirts out, too. So does Chuckie.”
“OogaBooga! Let me…understand this correctly, young
man. Are you telling me you suck on penises until they explode
in your mouth?”
“Sure. That’s why you suck ’em, isn’t it?”
“Yes, that’s true,” he gulped. “Uh, I mean…Oh, my,
OogaBooga. You have an erection in your pants!”
“Yeah, a big one. See!” He grabbed it and thrust out his
crotch. “Chuckie loves to suck on it.”
“Ummmm…this is certainly a strange affair. Come here.
Perhaps we should try to analyze this.” He sat on the bench and
drew the boy between his legs. “Don’t be nervous. I’m going to
drop your trousers and inspect you to find out what Chuckie’s
fascination might be.”
“Sure, Father, go ahead. See if you can figure it out.”
Tentative, his hands shaking, he pulled the boy’s pants
down. The stiff little boner sprung right up in his face! He
took hold of it, and turned it this way and that. Then he
fondled the boy’s balls.
“Well, you’re quite developed for a young boy, OogaBooga.”
“It’s getting all tingly, Father. You wanna suck it for
“Oh…I…if you won’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t blab outside this room, Father. Quick!”
The man immediately relented. He simply could not control
the lust he felt for the boy’s penis. He began to suck on it,
just as he heard OogaBooga snap his fingers.
“It’s okay, Chuckie, he’s blowin’ me!”
Charles Nordstrom entered from the doorway. He had his
prick out of his pants and was smiling as he approached the
“GOD DAMN!” the priest blurted. He was so flustered he
ignored his own blasphemy. “What…?”
“Your brother was right. Hi, Father. Wanna blow me too?”
“Oh, goodness! What contrivance is this? I’m ruined!”
“Don’t be silly, Father,” OogaBooga assured him. “We won’t
tell. Shucks, we wanna suck your prick, too. Come on, pull it
“OogaBooga! Charles! Boys! Stop grabbing at me! Charles, get
your face away from there!”
“Lemme suck it, Father, lemme suck it!” Chuckie gushed,
burying his face in the priest’s lap.
Father Templer pushed the boys away. He sat there gaping at
them. He couldn’t deny the hardon tenting his cassock, but he
certainly didn’t have to bow to its demands.
The boys stood there, pricks in hand. The priest glanced
from one to the other. Slowly–ever so slowly–he lifted his
robe. He wore nothing underneath. He watched the eager gaze of
the lads and finally flipped the material over his raging cock.
It stood up stiff and long–never having felt so potent before.
He’d masturbated thousands of times picturing a scene such as
this. But never had he ever imagined living it out. But seeing
the excitement in the young boys’ eyes, he knew the time had
“You like this?” he asked them.
“OH YES, FATHER!” they both exclaimed.
“Then we shall let nature take its course. With sworn
“Not a soul, Father, not a soul,” Chuckie promised,
reaching for it.
“Me either,”OogaBooga knelt down. “Lemme smell your balls!”
The priest layed back with his eyes closed, allowing the
boys to smell and lick him as they wished. He opened his legs,
encouraging them to feast on his starved genitals. Then he
leaned up and watched them.
Chuckie took the knob in his mouth while OogaBooga nestled his
face into the crevice between the man’s testicles and thigh,
right on the moist spot. His tongue came out and he started
“Your balls smell good, Father!” he dove back in.
“His prick tastes really good too, OogaBooga!” Chuckie sucked
more. This went on for a while, and they even traded off. OogaBooga
sucked on the stiff cock and Chuckie went for the balls. Then
OogaBooga lifted his head. “Think we oughta smell his ass?” he
asked his friend.
“Yeah, let’s see if it’s as strong.”
The priest gasped and lifted his own legs, lewdly exposing
his anus and showing them the spot no one else had seen since
he was young. “Gosh. It’s either real strong or Father doesn’t
wipe very good!”
“Lemme try.” OogaBooga pushed his friend aside and sniffed
“Yeah, it’s real scuzzy!”
“Let’s see you lick it, OogaBooga. Like you do mine.”
“You too, right?”
“Sure. Want me to go first?”
“Nope. I don’t care if it’s dirty…yours always is!”
Father Templer was in absolute heaven. The two dirty,
obscenely filthy little boys were doing monstrously lewd things
down between his legs…and he wasn’t about to stop them! Even
when they began to thrust their tongues up his bottom, he
reached down and opened his anus up with his own fingers.
Having these precious youngsters licking his soiled anus and
tonguing out his dirty rectum was worth going to hell for! He
urged them on.”
“SUCK MY ASSHOLE! SUCK IT, YOU DIRTY LITTLE
COCKSUCKERS! PRICK LICKIN’ FILTHY SLUTBOYS!
I’M GONNA EAT OUT YOUR LITTLE SHITHOLES AND
SUCK YOUR PRICKS! LICK MY HOLE DEEPER!”
He was amazed at his own language. Obscenties that had
remained dormant for many years were suddenly bursting forth
from his foul mouth as he watched the wanton display between
his thighs. He knew this was a dream. He knew it was only a
fantasy. Nothing like this could really be happening. He’d soon
wake up with wet sheets. But he wanted the taste of a boy’s
asshole on his lips before that happened. He knelt on the floor
and swung his robe over his back. Repositioned OogaBooga on all
fours and ordered Chuckie to suck his asshole while he thrust
his own face up OogaBooga’s cushy rearend and began to eat the boy
Luckily, the dream hadn’t ended yet. Chuckie was rimming
him for all he was worth, and Father Templer got a distinct
smell up his nose and taste in his mouth. OogaBooga wasn’t all that
fastidious down there either! Thank god he was a normal boy
who didn’t wipe very good. He wanted to taste just a bit of
altarboy shit…and OogaBooga gave it to him. He sucked on that
pink rosette like a madman! Still, he couldn’t match the
expertise of the young boy behind him. Chuckie had more
experience, and he had a bigger, fluffier one to work with.
Father Templer had a large, round, distended anus that was
darker and more relaxed. Chuckie was able to get his tongue
well up inside and work it around. He liked the way the priest
smelled and tasted, and enjoyed the rubbery flesh.
OogaBooga accidentally farted in the priest’s mouth, but Father
Templer hardly minded. The aroma went straight to his brain and
he pushed his tongue in deeper.
Father Carrion stood in the doorway. His prick raged as he
quietly viewed the lasciv-iousness. Unable to take it any more,
he untightened his cassock, flung it over his shoulder and
walked forward. With a tender nudge, he pushed Chuckie out of
the way. Squatting down, he plunged his massive organ directly
up Father Templer’s ass!
The priest certainly wouldn’t have minded in the least had
Charles decided to fuck him. But finding himself impaled beyond
belief, he shreiked in pain and looked over his shoulder.
“F-Father Carrion!! I…OH MY ASSHOLE!”
“Yes, and a splendid one it is! I’ve lusted for this since
you first came to the parish. I. can’t believe my luck.”
“B-but Father. This is so immoral. Gawd, you stuff me!”
“Moral schmoral. I lust for altarboys much as you do. But
this protruding cunt of yours is too heavenly to resist. The
boys can wait. Suck his prick while I bugger you. Suck them
“Yes! Yes! Give me pricks in my mouth!”
Chuckling, OogaBooga and Charles both presented their
erection to his open mouth. He took them both in at once and
ran his tongue between then, finding being sodomized the most
intense enjoyment of his entire life! Fuck the church and their
fanatic denial of the flesh. His belief in God was total, and
he could not imagine what they were doing remotely approached
sin. This was truly a religious insight. Love flowed through
his body as intense as his lust. Drinking the warm sperm as the
lads simultaneously spurted into his mouth was indeed profound.
The contraction in his sphincter as his fellow priest
buried his organ to the fullest and filled him with the nectar
of existence, brought him closer to the creator than ever
before. This was the secret. That all humans abandon violence
and hate, and connected their bodies thus. When all humans
joined their bodies in unison, together they would suddenly all
rise to heaven in ecstasy!
After the climax he backed up and put the other priest’s
deflated prick into his mouth. He tasted of himself and the
juice of his colleague. It was the natural thing to do. Father
Carrion sucked abandonly at his asshole, drawing forth his own
seed from the gaping hole. He pulled back the priest’s cock
from between his legs and drew the nectar from his balls.
All sated, they rested in a pile of naked flesh with many
Soon, the boys, with their youthful powers of recuperation,
gave the priests a show as they performed on each other. Suck-
ing pricks and balls and tonguing assholes, they gave the holy
men an extraordinarily spirited voyeuristic titillation.
“Gee, that was swell!” Chuckie gushed. “We never saw
anybody get fucked before.”
“Yeah, Father. You must have been fucked a lot. Father
Carrion sure has a big prick and you took all of it!”
“Boys, I’ve never been, uh…fucked before. But it
definitely won’t be my last time, that’s for certain.”
“It sure won’t,” Father Carrion declared. “Not as long as
I’m around! And you scamps were certainly a surprise. Sucking
pricks and licking assholes. Where’d you learn all that?”
“By ourselves,” OogaBooga smiled. “We were jerking off together
one day and decided to try sucking. We liked that, so we
checked out each other’s butts, too. I guess it’s nasty, but I
kinda like the smell.”
“But we didn’t know we could fuck, or we would have tried.”
“Sure wish I could tell my brother he was right…but, I
“What’s that all about?” Father Carrion asked, perplexed.
“He said all priests are fags and like to blow boys,” OogaBooga
said. “But Father Templer made me promise not to tell him about
“Heh! That’s not really true. I guess he kept his own
promise, though,” Father Carrion chuckled. “Your brother
probably thinks that since I used to blow him when he was an
“Gosh! You did?” OogaBooga cried.
“Many times. I caught him trying to masturbate into the
chalice one day after mass. I told him it was a sin to waste
his seed and suggested he do it in my mouth instead. I didn’t
waste it!” he laughed.
“Does he have a big one?” OogaBooga asked.
“It was about like yours. Probably gotten bigger since
“Gee, I wonder if he’d let me suck it some time.”
“No, no. Now that would be incest…strictly forbidden! You
boys feel a need for bigger ones, you come see Father Templer
“Would you teach us how to fuck, Father?” Chuckie
“I suppose we’d better. Because the way I did it was not
right. I was just too excited. I should have gone real easy,
but I was afraid Father Templer would buck me off.”
“No shit! I mean, no kidding,” Father Templer said. “Good
thing Chuckie had my butthole licked out real good. You really
skewered me. But maybe that was the best way for my first time.
You boys should go easy, you’re a lot smaller back there…and
be sure to lick it open real good first. You boys are good at
“We haven’t licked yours yet, Father Carrion,” Timmy
“Yeah, then maybe Father Templer can fuck you,” Chuckie
“I’m afraid we both have some important business right now,
fellows, but here…I’ll let you lick it for me if you want.”
The priest bent over and bared his bottom to their faces. He
held his cheeks apart and let them smell and lick his anus.
“This is great, hunh Chuckie? It’s hairier and stinks
Father Templer got way down and licked Chuckie’s asshole
since he hadn’t gotten the chance yet. The boy smelled divine!
He told Father Carrion how wonderful the boy smelled and
“Well, I suppose I’ll have to try that some time,” he
Wow. This is true commitment, fake Ooga. Can you keep it up? Do you have the staying power?
Ooga are you giving yourselves another reach you no life pathetic loser?
Real or fake or whatever, all OogaBooga’s are faggots.
Ah, the ol’ switcheroo, eh? Still just me, the one and only.
In case you missed it, hasbara-with-a-thousand-gay-faces:
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