Posted by
John Pittsley
• 10.31.16 04:02 pm

fullsizerender

For all the shit we give the pakis, they might be going somewhere with the whole burqa thing. It’s still archaic and needs a bit of polishing but what do they do that doesn’t need a little bit of improvement?

I know, I know “burqas would be great for ugly chicks and fatties. Hahaha!” Shut the fuck up. Burqas would actually be more useful with attractive women, in our culture. More specifically, attractive married women who think too highly of themselves. I’m sure having to put a bag over a married chick’s head sounds a bit extreme but our current system of determining whether a lady is taken or not ain’t workin’ and something like a burqa may just be what the doctor ordered.

I know there’s already the whole engagement and wedding ring mumbo jumbo but that shit is kind of a pain in the ass. Chicks wear all sorts of jewelry and when it comes to rings, they have no problem putting that shit all over the place. They won’t even keep it to the correct hand hand or off the proper finger. Even if the did, it’s impossible for us retards to figure that shit out. Besides, moving around and trying to get a good look at a woman’s hands is more awkward than getting caught staring at her rock hard nipples in front of her husband. Picking up something like a burqa would not only remove all that fuss, it would keep them from getting pissed at us guys for giving them compliments.

Everyone knows checking a chick out is a compliment, not harassment. That shouldn’t be news to anyone. Somehow, a lot of gorgeous cunts do get fed up with the constant kind gestures though and an even higher percentage of the married ones will end up acting like serious twats in return. That shouldn’t be the case, given the’ve been off the market for a bit and still go through all the trouble of doing themselves up. The looks should serve as a subtle reminder they’ve still got it goin on and every single last one should appreciate them. Or, at the very worse ignore them. But ignoring a compliment isn’t good enough for some spoiled rich slags. Instead, they’ll take it as another marriage proposal and wave their gigantic jewelry at you.

It would be one thing if these broads were merely letting it be known they were off the market. Casually making a wedding ring visible at the bar is doing a guy a solid. It’s letting him know there’s no point in wasting his time but waving some gaudy jewelry in his face, after he’s given you a compliment is just being a bitch. If a woman can’t handle being told she’s attractive, she might as well cover herself up and a burqa would be perfect for that. I know that isn’t actually the case, though. Women love the constant attention and covering attractive cunts with tarps isn’t exactly ideal. We want to be able to check out hotties, whether they’re taken or not. But slapping something noticeable on their dome or upper-body could help matters.

Maybe just a gay little costume halo, they put on their heads when they’re in a particularly shitty mood. That way you can see a cunt coming from a mile away and prepare yourself for the shitty attitude you may have to deal with. The ridiculous bitch crown would make it a smidge bit harder to focus on their tits and ass, too. It wouldn’t have to be for every married chick, either. Just the lousy hags, who can’t stand the kudos.

-JOHN PITTSLEY

DISCLAIMER: I HAVE EPILEPSY AND HAVE HAD A BUNCH OF SEIZURES AND POSTICTAL PSYCHOTIC EPISODES THIS WEEK. MY BRAIN IS KIND OF BROKEN FROM THE WHOLE THING AND I CAN’T REALLY TELL IF THIS IS GOOD OR NOT. SO LOOK OUT!


Comments
  1. Harry Dykes says:

    You ought to think about draping a burqa over your keyboard.

  2. raymi says:

    ^^^ fwahaha.

  3. John P. says:

    SICK burn. Send something in

  4. Anthony's Weiner says:

    Women have been baring it for men forever. It’s time that we have role reversal and men perform the strip tease. For this I’m being persecuted. The burqa is mysterious and stimulates the cocks imagination. Towel heads I bet have raging hard ons just as intense as infidels looking at German Goo Girl porn. The burqa makes Muslims so horny that they fuck livestock and have great affections for little boys. Burqas are to sexual imagination as Hitchcocks films were to today’s splatter-gore horror flicks. More subtle and nuanced, the burqa could be the cure for Western porn addiction. I’m converting to Islam and will dress myself in a cocktail burqa dress. I hope Anthony approves.

  5. SpaceKook12 says:

    Disclaimer my Ass! No Pittsley, no excuses. Actually this may be your masterpiece. It’s good, really good, so good that you should hurry up and submit it to the New Yorker magazine. Take my word for it as you know SpaceKook12 has only critiqued your work with brutal honesty. This could be the essay that breaks you out of the Street Carnage ghetto and straight to the bright lights of Broadway!
    COULD BE if you weren’t “a fucking retard, who writes dumb shit about stupid crap.”


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