Posted by
Jesse Andrew
• 12.04.12 07:00 am


Last night at the bar, my buddy is telling me about how his ex-girlfriend dumped him because she found a list of girls’ names is his wallet.

She had no idea that her boyfriend was a porn addict and the names on the list belonged to porn stars he wanted to jack off to. When he found the name of a hot porn star, he’d write it down and then look for her DVDs at the adult video store. A bit much, I agree, but then again I’m not a porn addict. I’m happy jerking off to whatever free three=minute clips I find on the Internet. I also find porn stars repulsive and only enjoy the amateur shit, but that’s just my dick.

My buddy enjoys yanking on his to bored-out whores and writes their names down on a list that he keeps in his wallet. Obviously, his chick was pretty freaked-out because that’s fucking creepy, but really nothing worth ending a relationship over. What is it with chicks freaking out over their boyfriends jerking off to complete strangers? I used to have a girlfriend that would actually smell my fingers and she knew if I had jacked off that day. It wouldn’t even matter if I lied and claimed to have beaten off to one of our past bone sessions together because then it was a matter of, “Well, I still don’t want you doing it because we could have had sex instead.”

Bullshit.

Our girlfriends can’t fuck us like we can ourselves. Girls handle dicks as if they’re made of glass and might break. Men grab their own cocks like it’s the hand of their brother hanging out of a helicopter. It’s not the same just like I’m guessing no man can finger a girl better than another woman; each sex knows their equipment. I’m not saying I’d rather have a dude jerk me off (other than myself); I’m simply stating that men must jack off. Or at least single men, because I once read that married men shouldn’t jerk off in order to save and build up the desire to fuck their wives on a regular basis. My point is women need to cut their boyfriends some slack when it comes to beating off.

We need that shit.

Is having sex better than jerking off? Yes, of course, but 1% of the time a good jerk beats the old in & out because it’s quick and 100% selfish.

 

—JESSE ANDREW

 


Comments
  1. Lunchin' says:

    I simply copy/paste, then IM my wack-list to my phone.

  2. Anonymous says:

    It’s true about married men…

  3. Chapter After says:

    I just want to know why that toy’s ass has it’s own boner.


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