Besides abortion, gay marriage and Asian pussy vs. Latina pussy, the only issue that instantly polarizes a room is Michael Jackson.
Besides abortion, gay marriage and Asian pussy vs. Latina pussy, the only issue that instantly polarizes a room is Michael Jackson. That’s why earlier today at work when it was announced over the radio that M.J. might be dead, I knew shit was going to be interesting.
“Na, na, that ain’t possible.”
“Yo whateva, that nigga has sex with kids. Fuck ‘em.”
“Dude, that shit ain’t even proven.”
“Would you let your kid chill with him?”
“Na, I didn’t say that–I’m just saying…Why they gotta play ‘Rock with You’ right now? Fuck… I’m not going to cry…”
Now I’m sure that Blognigger is going to have a word about this, what with Michael Jackson being black for at least half his life and all, but I feel like I’m qualified to talk about this because brown people FUCKING LOVE Michael Jackson. If you venture out to the most remote Indian village the people might not know Barack Obama, but they sure as hell will know Michael Jackson. Shit, you’ll probably find someone named Michael Jackson Shreekumindanar. Need further proof? Benny Lava. When was the last time a black person embarrassed his/herself and entire race so thoroughly for Michael?
Anyway, what my worked up coworkers failed to realize is that Michael Jackson’s been dead since 1993, specifically since the day he maybe/possibly/probably molested that little kid. After that his face started melting, skin started turning white and he just generally went insane. This is also when he started doing all that really crazy shit, like naming a kid “Blanket” and dangling him outside a four-story balcony.
Yeah, on that day in ’93 Michael Jackson died and was replaced by a bat-shit crazy, possibly extraterrestrial, suspected pedophile. The problem was no one realized it then so they’re mourning it now. So listen here angry black kids at my job: you’re both right. Michael Jackson was fucking awesome and it sucks that he died, however long ago that was; also, the world’s little boys are certainly safer now without that questionable, pasty-faced alien that collapsed earlier today from acute cardiac arrest. Let the mourning/celebration commence.
P.S. Apparently Farrah Fawcett died today too. Sucks to be her.