Posted by
• 01.12.10 03:48 pm

Have you guys seen America recently? I spent the last ten years hiding in New York City and only very recently peered out of my groundhog hole to see what’s going on. Guess what. They wear their pajamas all fucking day. They’re all pregnant and there are Juggalos in the parking lot! I couldn’t believe it. Here’s what else I learned from one trip to a small town American drugstore in Upstate NY.

Have you guys seen America recently? I spent the last ten years hiding in New York City and only very recently peered out of my groundhog hole to see what’s going on. Guess what. They wear their pajamas all fucking day. They’re all pregnant and there are Juggalos in the parking lot! I couldn’t believe it. Here’s what else I learned from one trip to a small town American drugstore in Upstate NY.

That’s like shoplifting an AIDS test and a gay man. How can you be thinking of sex at a time like this. “Holy fuck, if I find out I’m not pregnant I am going to fuck the shit out of Corey. I mean, I’m going to be safe about it this time but yeah, I’m just going to sit on his pink dick and ride, ride, ride.”

They also had a box of, get ready for this, “Sizzling Body Candy.” Jesus Christ America, I can smell your genitalia from here. Stop fucking fucking.
PS: My neighbor was stupid enough to give me the keys to his house so, after procuring a tub, I gingerly placed it in his bathroom. Will keep you posted.

This guy made me so mad, I ran home and pounded out a hysterical rant for Taki’s mag. We’re at the point where you ARE special if you put your pants on, one leg at a time! How long has America been doing shit like this?


  1. Liz says:

    Seriously? Wow. I live in the city but I leave often and don’t judge the fuck out of people that don’t write blogs for a fucking living. You must be trying hard this decade to get hipster douche next time. Where else but the drugstore can u run out in your sweats? You can’t be a “do” every day

  2. Just Ben says:

    Gosh, Liz!

    Don’t be such a clucking cunt your whole fucking life.

  3. MTVemployee says:

    yea, but why be a dont every day? have you seen (there are def a few dos on there though)

  4. Satan Davis Jr. says:

    Dude, going to Idaho would make your head explode.

  5. dude says:

    not even close to as shitty as my upstate hometown. constant shitstorm of shitty-ness.

  6. Chump Swayze says:

    the pajamas in public is particularly vexing for some reason

  7. stoops says:

    after reading taki’s blog off and on for a couple of years, i find your presence there to be…satisfying.

  8. JuCIFéUR says:

    THIS is “The Real America” that the right wing is always creaming their pants about.

  9. The President of the United States of Full Blown Aids says:

    Some of us fell on the sweet end of the bell curve. Most didn’t. Take it up with god.

  10. Cutie Pie says:

    Yawn, Gavin, yawn!

  11. lol@u says:

    I liked your rant on Taki. Especially the part about flip flops. I had a friend who pretty much wore his flip flops everywhere in the summer. At times he wore them with a fucking suit, which did have a certain panache. The end of the flip flop spree came when he did in fact get into a fight with them on. He actually is the type to get into fights not infrequently. While he didn’t exactly lose the fight, he did realize that flip-flops and bar fights just aint happening. And I had warned him about it more than a few times but of course he had to learn the hard way.

  12. Brooklynchimp says:

    I’m rolling with Liz here–

  13. Billy Cox says:

    you can be a “do” everyday and everywhere if you’re not a lazy fucking slob like these people are. i dont even go to CVS at midnight not fully dressed

  14. Jackson says:

    I think you’re more of a fashion victim than these people blog writer, but there’s a good chance they think very closed-mindedly which in turn makes them less insecure because they think they are always right which makes them comfortable in comfortable shit.

  15. Anonymous says:

    have to agree. fucking hate the pajamas in public. lazy fucking housebound pigs can’t even take the slightest effort to look a little bit presentable and less slovenly for those around them.

  16. Banker says:

    Yep, when I first traded in plaid and skinny pants for a suit & tie I felt like a giant tool/ sell out but now I spice that shit up with cufflinks and pocket squares and tie bars and shite because at least I’m not one of these pajama fuckers. I mean who cares what people do, sort of, but at least put .0005% of effort into looking like you deserve this life of sleeping, sloppy overweight sex, and hot pockets. Turning your whole personality into an “I don’t really care, just let me watch TV” parade of banality is basically saying fuck you to every 3rd world sorry bastard who could have invented the next flat top haircut or wood block clock or Jaques magazine or whatever if he had your chance.

  17. Christ says:

    Holy fucking shit kill yourself you out of touch fucking hipster cunt. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. This was fucking terrible. Die. Seriously.

  18. Anonymous says:

    just read your pajama rant at the other site. spot on.

  19. Cpt. Obvious says:

    who the fuck cares what other people wear?

    i realize 99% of gavin’s cachet is based on ironic fashion reviews, but at least it’s a fucking joke to him
    you guys seem actually angry about this, which just seems sad

  20. Anonymous says:

    shut up, captain pig and put on some big boy pants. i care because your fat slovenly style offends my delicate fucking sensibilites. slob.

  21. Loozer Boozer says:

    Mumus and flip flops and sleeveless (not wifebeater, but fucking TANK tops) shirts are the devil’s playground. And don’t get me started on sweatsuits. These are all signs that you had kids at age 14, and you just don’t care about sex anymore.

    ps… if you hate hipsters & fashion reviews, what are you doing on sbtvc? Ree-dicks.

  22. todd says:

    You can tell this was posted simultaneously on another site. The trashy and pissed off runoff in the comments proves it.

  23. Maxipad says:

    This was amazing, I hope one day that I could write like this. I figure all I need is 20 million in the bank, a red corvette and 64 corpse’s buried under my house.

  24. Kaylor says:

    Can McInnes get some better fitting pants now that he’s 40.

  25. fredMS says:

    i have those pajamas!

  26. Bj says:

    At least he’s fucking trying, what the fuck have YOU done?

    I dont really care whats wrong with your country, like most of the rest of the world, i still want in.

  27. john says:

    also: why don’t people tuck in their shirts anymore?

  28. Jetpack says:

    No, flip-flops never have panache.

    And we need some Logan’s Run-style sandmen for the pajama people.

  29. Hambone says:

    First, is this Port Jervis?

    Second, fuck you. I hope you drown in the Delaware with the rest of the city trash this summer.

  30. T-Roll says:

    China’s going to be taking over soon. And will whip these people into shape. Literally.

  31. Where did this obsession with wearing a blazer on the airplane come from? My grandparents and father are fixated on it. It seems rather ridiculous, especially considering most of us have to sit in steerage with the rest of the proles.

    Postscript: A proper blue blazer has metal buttons. There should only be 2 buttons in the front and three on either cuff. Only button the top button. When seated, unbutton the top button.

  32. imyar says:

    they sell weird lubes and vibrating cock rings at shoppers (canada)

  33. Fred Durst says:

    what if they’re like being ironic with the pajamas?

  34. Butch says:

    Last time I checked, New York city was still part of America, dumbass.

  35. bolo says:

    track suits, good readers, track suits.

  36. Anonymous says:

    “what if they’re like being ironic with the pajamas?”

    yeah, that’s a good point. and they’re probably having ironic cardiac arrest from their ironically clogged arteries from ironically stuffing their fat, gaping, ironic maws with ironic tasty cakes all day.

  37. Clayton. says:

    Idaho is a gem.

  38. whoracle says:

    pajamas in public, what the fuck is next?

  39. Mr. K says:

    I think some people aren’t the lazy slob types, even though they wear the sweatpants out in public. There are still a few people who don’t by into dressing to please. I guess those people think they have more to offer than what they look like on the outside. I think nice clothes should be worn only by rich people who have to show the world that stepping on the small people has made them who they are, or ugly people just trying to market themselves as somewhat of a decent catch.

  40. Mr. K says:

    by=bye….sorry to offend you spell-checkers out there

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