Posted by
• 08.01.15 10:23 am


Porn makes you neglect your girlfriend. The few times you can be bothered to do it, your expectations are absurd. She’s not wearing a ball gag after a hard day at work. 

“Wanker” is an insult in Britain for a reason. As Warden Barrot says in Papillon, “It drains the strength.” This is why my producer Ben Ratner has no problem being a 23-year-old virgin. He has no interest in participating in society because he’s a wanker.

This is also why, myself, @DanteNero, Joe the bartender from Nitehawk, and some dude named @jcutz have vowed to reduce porn and masturbating (like you could have one without the other) to once a month. Dante and I have committed to this experiment for four months but I think it’s going to become a way of life. I know it is for Tom Shillue and from what I can tell, his marriage is one of the most solid around.

There are no checks and balances here. The reward is pride and support from your brothers and it’s completely based on the honor system. If you fail, let us know. We’ll reach down and pick you up like they do in the pit.

UPDATE: You can only ejaculate by having sex. Now, “sex” is loosely defined as cumming within one yard / meter of a woman with her permission. So, you could beat off on to your lady and that DOES NOT count as a fap. However, if this happens regularly, you are in a shitty relationship and it’s about to end.


  1. Ben says:

    Gavin, you’d fit in here.

  2. ChiTownPlayaHata says:

    I beat off on my lady most days, after fucking her to multiple orgasms. She likes it.

  3. wallah says:

    is it cheating if im a ugly poor straight guy who cant get laid that easy so i let gay guys suck my dick once in while?

  4. andy says:

    Also here:
    Also look up handy counter apps for your phone.

  5. wheat is murder says:

    all wanks aside. mercedes’ ass is pretty serious business.

    i recently did a wank hiatus and found myself texting girls i hadnt talked with in months on the off chance they might be up for it. theres definitely something to it but it has diminishing returns. once or twice a month is probably a good target.

  6. cook says:

    i fap to porn but i still love value and appreciate sex w GF. gave is older by a bunch so you’re testosterone levels are probably going down. if i didn’t fap i would be trying to fuck my GF every chance i had, which would annoy her.

  7. cook says:

    *gavin not gave

  8. Ehlers says:

    Just beat off to the pic of the brunnette

  9. le pervert says:

    once a month seems unreasonable and without a partner could lead to insanity/violence. I’m willing to give once a week a shot but I don’t like my odds

  10. Tim Smith says:

    Seinfeld thought of this first.

  11. George Christiansen says:

    I’d say that increasing the actual sex, rather than focusing of cutting the fapping would be the way to go.

    I’m laid like tile and VERY rarely squeeze a round off alone, but if, for some reason, my wife and I are separated for more than a day, it is a form of defensive fidelity.

  12. Dr. John Thomas says:

    Porn usage is also leading to an increase in erectile dysfunction.

  13. Surin says:

    Once a month??!? Better invest in some drop cloths and a poncho.

  14. 1488 says:

    I did this in the late 90s. It was easier back then… what with all the tramp stamps, tribal armbands, bleached hair, bellybutton jewelry, and bad boob jobs. In fact, I think I just became impotent for six months or so after watching that shit.

  15. Jiggaboo says:

    I too love this show, and the gender differences are obvious. i´m always dissapointed when the guy brings home a large quantity of goodies and doesnt get a blowj or something similar as a thanks. That´s obviously what happened in caveman days. This Honora was in an episode down here in Brazil, where someone told her putting a magnifying glass to water purifies it. Which in theory might be true, but in real life it isn´t practical or realistic. So she would sit for hours in the Brazilian desert sun “purifying” water.I live here, and this sun is UNFORGIVING for the darkest of skins. She was obviously Germanic, one of those whites with blonde eyebrows, and she literally sat in the sun until she passed out and stayed comatose for a few days. The sheer, unbelievably stupid high self esteem, and belief that they (modern western women) are invincible is unreal. It is dangerous too, she would probably walk right thru the ghetto, or a crack house, or isis territory thinking that she is street smart and hardy enough to make it through, but in reality she would just end up raped and dead. Oh, and she was also a cunt to the co-contestant the whole time and refused to speak to him for days on end, when it wuold be clearly advantageaous to work as a team.

    The fact that you are some kind of counterrevelutionary for stating what is so obvious, and until about 10 years ago(maybe mnore) widely known, shows a dead and suicidal society.

  16. Jiggaboo says:

    Oops wrong page… never mind that post.

  17. raymi says:

    just never stop being a sex degenerate and everything will be okay.

  18. le pervert says:

    ^ words to live by

  19. definitelymaybe says:

    I lasted 3 days. Sorry. ON the positive side I’ve only whacked off once in the last 7 days!

  20. Greg Nice says:

    Too much of anything makes you an addict

  21. […] fascist) and instill the values of honor, honesty, and taking pride in one’s self, McInnes ensures his fellow NoWanks adherents: “There are no checks and balances here. The reward is pride and […]

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