Posted by
Gavin
• 05.26.10 03:18 pm


I’m going to be discussing my first kiss tonight along with a bunch of other people who have perfect lips. White Lightning set it up to promote her zine of the same name. The tickets WERE sold out but the venue gave her a bigger room so now anyone can go.

I’m going to be discussing my first kiss tonight along with a bunch of other people who have perfect lips. White Lightning set it up to promote her zine of the same name. The tickets WERE sold out but the venue gave her a bigger room so now anyone can go.

Here’s the details from the venue’s site.
Here’s more details from White Lightning.

And here’s an excerpt from my thingie…

We all gathered in the basement which was a big cement room with cheap carpets and wood panelling on the walls like those old Calvin Klein ads. We all thought Disco was gay at the time so the only music that was played was Black Sabbath, The Who and Led Zeppelin. This is actually more gay than disco because you can’t dance with chicks to any of that music.

This problem became ball-achingly obvious when Roslyn Kneeland walked into the room. She was a mulatto with skin tight jeans and a Def Leppard concert shirt hiding huge tits back before anyone knew what tits were. Everyone in that room wanted to French but not because we had libidos. More because we wanted to get it out of the way so we could talk about it at lunch with authority. Donny put on “Stairway to Heaven” which was the only way disco-haters could dance with chicks. He pushed me over to Roslyn because he knew I loved her and she was happy to oblige because I was pretty gorgeous as a child. “Stairway to Heaven” is eight minutes long which gives you plenty of time to make your way over to the kiss.

First, you do the hug dance where you slowly move side to side for two minutes like you’re a tranquilized snake in a crowded subway. Then, you do the part where you keep putting your hands on her ass and she keeps moving them back up to her waist. That’s about 30 seconds. By the time, you get to three minutes, you’re getting to the part where you can pull back your head and look at her face. Roslyn had blow job lips before blow jobs were invented and her eyelashes were about three feet long. I could tell she was ready to get her fucking face Frenched off so I went in for the kill without a moment’s hesitation.

-GAVIN McINNES


Comments
  1. beefbalones says:

    bonetry

  2. Bevery hills chihuahua says:

    snooooze festtt.

  3. KFC man says:

    G.A.Y.

  4. Artist says:

    Your an asshole.

  5. Bill says:

    Better put that over on platform. haw… fag.

  6. Lovely Lad says:

    You just described MY first kiss, to the T… Except Roslyn was my sister.

  7. frank says:

    sounds like someone is a fan of catcher in the rye… could swear this is a lost chapter or something

  8. esther says:

    I’m listening to stairway to heaven right now wishing there was a cool dude to kiss

  9. Zippy says:

    This was a bore. Kiss my ass.

  10. Anonymous says:

    I notice that a lot of the same folks that comment on SBTVC posts say it’s “gay” or “boring” or something of the ilk. So… WHY DO YOU BOTHER READING THEM ANYMORE? Seriously, if you find everything these guys put up gay or boring, give the fuck up and find some other website to troll.

  11. robocop says:

    amen anonymous. some assholes just like to piss and moan, these are the cock masters who pretend to be reading nitzche in a starbucks but are really awaiting a facebok reply from some high school chick on whether or not they think their new faux hawk is a cuteeee.

  12. Gavin says:

    Sorry but I fucking killed last night.

  13. Soo' Chest says:

    man i once described a girl as having “a face made to suck dick” and all my friends called me out for being a chauvinist or something. I DIDN’T MAKE THE RULES MAN.

  14. poopsmear says:

    This was pretty awesome

  15. KFC man says:

    @ Anonymous
    G.A.Y!
    SBTVC is 50% dope 50% gay
    If its gay it’s gay. When the article is enjoyable, funny, smart or rips all props to it and I will be the first one to say so. The writers should stop being offended by comments and stop posting under phony aliases. If you post here, be ready to either be cheered or ripped apart, its the name of the game and comes with the territory.

  16. Bill says:

    Yeah this is serious stuff.

  17. icon says:

    reads like the narrator of stand by me

  18. wtf says:

    fag

  19. […] an excerpt written by Vice-founder and author of Street Carnage website Gavin McInnes, to give you a taste of First Kiss. Strawberry Lipsmacker not […]

  20. Michelle says:

    I like.

  21. Roslyn says:

    Interesting what one sees when one Googles their own name…..
    Hi Gavin..


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