Posted by
• 04.30.08 07:10 pm

albert hofmann
Albert Hofmann, the Swiss bicyclist cum chemical psychotropic mind bender, was a hero of mine. I like chemistry for its consistency, and love drugs for their freedom from same.
albert hofmann
Albert Hofmann, the Swiss bicyclist cum chemical psychotropic mind bender, was a hero of mine. I like chemistry for its consistency, and love drugs for their freedom from same. LSD, Hofmann’s greatest contribution, is the realest of deals. It turned getting high into a romantic quest. Better living through chemistry… the holy of holies.

Oh a lot of weak knees complain of bad trips, but LSD makes one feel like Achilles, the Greek hero, immortal except for that one override button that if you aren’t careful could flush whole earth-shaking reveries down a black hole.

It’s a real man’s drug, and you’d better have your psychic jock strap at the ready, cuz once you turn it on, there is no turning back. The one rule of tripping on LSD is you absolutely cannot want it to be over before it is ready to let you go. It won’t happen.

You could easily find yourself with the ability to run up walls, but in a split second you might be wandering junior high school halls nude, screaming about ants or bats. You have to be on top of it and embrace it, or you will burn, and that’s why it gets a bad rap. People get distracted. If you are gonna pay the price, you’d better be ready to ride the ride. Hofmann knew that, and that’s why he embraced nature. The permanence keeps you grounded. Going to rodeo or watching TV are bad ideas. Get on a bike, like Hofmann did, and ride the goddamn ride.

When LSD was good it was way gooder then mushrooms and made ecstasy look like Ritalin for kids. Like drinking for 70 straight hours? Drop a hit of acid and leave your organizer at home. Comparisons between coke or speed? Forget it. Like powder in the wind compared to the good times coaxed out of a barrel or sheet of a blotter, or when you really felt the need, a drop of liquid LSD straight in the eyeball.

I know way more losers who’ lost it on other more pedestrian drugs than were ever damaged by LSD. It’s funny that bad trip imagery is filled with crawling critters, which is now a reality TV go-to. Big Whoop on the fear factor. Epinephrine-OD’ing Jihadists are what quake me these days. And I really I believe a Class 2A high school football team from Alabama goofing on a couple thousand micrograms could make quick work of some opium smoking Jihadis. Talk about holy mother fucking wars.

I want to thank Dr. Hofmann for his contribution to laugh lines and suggest we take Bicycle Day to the mainstream. In honor of that first trip he spent pedalin’ around Basel blasted out his gourd, we should all spend every April 19th riding around on bikes completely carefree. You don’t have to be on LSD, as it is almost impossible to find these days, but a least ride around with no hands on the handlebars and giggle. And coast, by all means, coast on your bicycle. To all you fixed-gear types: Coasting is not a crime and LSD is not a criminal.

  1. elliott fixed says:

    who said coasting is a crime? just like homosexuality is a choice. you can choose to ride fixed.

  2. dICK says:

    yeah, when I was a kid, we’d fry all the time and someone would always bring beer, coke, whatever, and it would never work, you can drink 9,000 beers and nothin’, ACID kicks all their asses.. well, except weed, weed is acid’s lil’ buddy and makes trips a whole lot more giggly. I don’t recommend the eyeball thing though, my friends brother did that and the white of his eye turned blood fucking red, it sucked for everyone on that trip, but it made him go insane , he started crying about it (which also had us all convinced that his tears were blood)
    great obit Mr. Crutchfield, oh, and I can get you some doses, just give me like 2 days.

  3. t says:

    You can have my LSD when you take it from my cold, hot, kind of warm and fuzzy, like eels dancing inside eels on the thin skin of all the windows in the world stacked on top of each other breaking in patterns of oscillating witch cackles looping backwards with lilac and lime legs opening to reveal blossoming eyes crawling towards a dying sun… hands… cold hands… cold crayons, is that skin in the crayon?

  4. lijhioug.iuglig says:

    fuck lsd…give me benzo’s and oxycodone’s or give me death!

  5. lijhioug.iuglig says:

    there are alot of quotes where albert hofmann said he liked lsd and was bummed out that the hippies hijacked it, invalidating its therapuetic uses. but he spoke at the lsd symposium in 2006 and i think he said something to the effect of “whats the big deal, its just a bunch of colors…”. maybe he was having a bad day.

  6. huh says:

    L’s impossible to find? I have trouble not finding it. Go to a jam band concert jackass

  7. bendejo72 says:

    one memorable night in my life was breaking into a west texas country club pool which was covered by a giant bubble. it was the middle of winter and in the middle of the night. we were a group of about 12 friends (mixed gender – cheeky wink) a couple of bottles of booze and high flying trips warped out by lsd. you couldn’t really see anything save a steamy mist floating on the water which made for a great hallucinatory back drop. every now and then we’d bump into one another in the water or spend a few minutes searching the pool for a bottle or whatever. great trip. i couldn’t touch the stuff now though. i have 2 kids and they would undoubtedly pervade my trip thoughts. it’s a young man’s drug, in my estimation.

  8. ACID says:

    Is this the same guy as Abbie Hoffman?

  9. bubbles says:

    brilliant who wrote this?


    Maybe handjob ?

  10. chenyip says:

    In 1896 when Arthur Linton won the marathon Bordeaux-Paris race in record time doping was not illegal. Most doping seems to have involved alcohol and strychnine with heroin and cocaine also in extensive use. “Choppy” Warburton, Linton’s trainer was later banned from English tracks, and there seems little doubt that Linton is the first recorded case of dopage…

    …The Guardian records that in “1886: The first recorded death: cyclist Arthur Linton overdoses on trimethyl.

  11. Dock Ellis says:

    Worked for me!

  12. faggst geat says:

    bike jocks are still jocks. you don’t intimidate me with your gay little yellow hats.

  13. The Mouse says:

    For god’s sake, DON”T LOOK IN THE MIRROR!!! (or at your hands!!)

  14. Anonymous says:

    Dare to look in the mirror. I did it for hours, never realized how godawful ugly my face is.

  15. j...'';; says:

    mixed gender – cheeky wink

  16. clit juice says:

    I can’t wait for the flashbacks to kick in at some random time. Hopefully I’ll be watching a great band and not on the El in rush hour.

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