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READER SUBMITTED CONTENT Being in a band was all I ever wanted to do. Then I got my my wish: I got a record deal (twice — once at Geffen and once at the now-defunct Chrysalis), played with big name artists (Beck, Liz Phair, John Doe, The Dan Band, Spain — I even played tambourine on one track of a Stevie Nicks’ greatest hits package), and stopped working shitty jobs.
Being in a band was all I ever wanted to do. Then I got my my wish: I got a record deal (twice — once at Geffen and once at the now-defunct Chrysalis), played with big name artists (Beck, Liz Phair, John Doe, The Dan Band, Spain — I even played tambourine on one track of a Stevie Nicks’ greatest hits package), and stopped working shitty jobs. After 12 years, I got out. Let me take a moment to shine a light on a few factors you may want to consider before making the mistake of a career in music.
YOUR BAND PROBABLY SUCKS
Most of them do. That’s why the great ones are so special. It doesn’t matter how much you want to be good, if you’ve played more than three shows and there’s no one there except your close friends, um, let’s just say you’re not “resonating with people.”
BAND MATES ARE DICKS, DRUNK OR IDIOTS
Not to make wild generalizations, but who’s drawn to the idea of being in a band? Junkies, drunks, losers, rejects, and you. There are two kinds of people in bands: true artists, who are driven by a compulsion to express their innermost soul through music, and the dilettantes that want to dress like them. If you’re not the former, you’re just some douche in hip clothing. Girls from chaotic, dysfunctional homes become strippers. Guys join bands.
TOURING IS BORING
On tour, you spend one hour a day on stage, six days a week. The other 162 hours of the week, you’re loading, unloading, or sitting in a van.
YOU DON’T MAKE MONEY
I got out of the music business before it imploded, so the environment now is much more hostile than what I had to deal with. At one point, I made $2,000 a week on tour. But even at that rate, the only way to support a family was to be on the road so much, you’d never see them.
YOU DON’T GET TO SEE THE WORLD
I have played all over Europe, Scandinavia, Australia, the United States, and Canada. The cathedral at Chartres: drove past it. Checkpoint Charlie in Berlin: drove past it. The Louvre, Lake Como, Eiffel Tower, Sydney Opera House, Grand Canyon — you get the picture. All a touring band sees is the inside of clubs, TV and radio studios, planes, buses, vans, and hotels.
HOTELS ARE NOTHING TO COME HOME TO
No dishes to wash or bed to make or vegan roommate who’s on a juice fast. Bands generally stay at crappy hotels, but occasionally, fortune smiles and you get a night at the Four Seasons or a family-run townhouse hotel in Vienna that has toilets with a little ceramic shelf that seems to be intended to give you the opportunity to examine your poop before you flush. OK fine, touring isn’t all bad.
THE HOT GIRL CONUNDRUM
It’s true that being in a band can help you get a much hotter girlfriend than you would otherwise deserve. But there’s a problem with hot girls: They’ve spent their whole life being treated like rock stars. People want to know them. When they enter a room, heads turn. Everyone laughs at their jokes and tells them how smart they are in hopes of seeing their tits. But most of all, they’re used to being catered to. They’re not going to be OK with you being on the road away from them getting lots of attention from beautiful strangers. Who’s going to pay attention to them? A beautiful girl is like a small child — she needs constant careful maintenance or eventually she will insist that you quit the band, even though that’s what attracted her to you in the first place. Then she will leave you because she’s “fallen out of love” with you. This is a situation that demands the same asymmetrical thinking Capt. Kirk used to defeat the Kobayashi Maru scenario in “The Wrath of Khan.” You have to marry an actress — they get external validation elsewhere and understand the idea of working away from home. Wait, that’s not going to work. An actress will leave you for a director. And then your only consolation would be that you got to nail her during her prime hotness years. Which might be consolation enough. That’s a decision every man must make for himself.
YOU CAN’T DO IT WHEN YOU’RE OLD
Did you see The Who at the Super Bowl? I didn’t. I saw some old men playing Who covers. I watched “The Kids Are Alright” 28 weeks in a row when I was 13 and the band in that film has nothing to do with the travesty that interrupted the Saints’ march to victory over Peyton-Christ Superstar. It’s not that the old can’t play or sing or don’t have something to say. It’s that we’ve already heard their best stuff when they were young and no one cares what old people say unless they’re Leonard Cohen or a black man who weighs over 275 lbs.
Being in a band spits you out at 30 with no job skills and a drinking problem. Then you end up working in the warehouse of a screen printing company in Fresno. Or, if you’re like me, you end up in the much more stable, reasonable, down-to-earth world of television.
-DAVID HARTE
Send “Open Mic” submissions to SBTVC@StreetCarnage.com
this is really good
well said. kinda depressing, but yeah, its a bummer seeing 35-plus dudes still trying to make it.
The last paragraph is so true! I was a pro bmxer in the late 90’s to mid 2000’s and I went through the same shit. However, I did see more shit when traveling.
since you say its good im gonna say its bad.
FIRST! Wait. Shit.
yeah the band thing is rough isn’t it? it’s better than watching tv or surfing this shitty website, but if you’re having doubts about how the band sounds or can’t keep a girlfriend, just don’t bother with it.
i don’t know. Not sure if this David Harte guy is the best judge.
his 2 credits on all music guide are tambourine and harmonica:
http://www.allmusicguide.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=11:wnfwxqe5ldfe~T4
LOL Leggo Beast
Is it okay if I join a band for fun and just play music in my garage? I kinda like keeping the music alive, you fucking buzz-kill loser. Just because I wasn’t dumb enough to try and “make it” doesn’t mean that I don’t love the music and hanging with my buddies who are a lot more fun to be around when I’m not being an idiot and trying to stuff myself into a van with them for days on end with the stupid expectation that we fall in love with each other. I absolutely hate your words.
The truth stings my man.
So true. My boyfriend is in a band and I’m over it. Drinking is making him look old and I’m still hot, way smarter than his dumb ass and will have a real job and make lots of money when he’s a nobody in a couple years.
Well if everyone thought that way we never would have had Anal Chinook.
hey remember……ITS FUN!! and what would life be without fun? and what else are you gonna do with your time? You go find something different I am gonna have an amazing summer
Good article, pretty informative and funny and stuff, and – WAIT. HOLD UP. Did this guy just say he watched the Superbowl?!?!?
CHRIST, what a fucking STUPID JOCK ASSHOLE, didn’t you learn anything from ‘The Coke Bear’s article yesterday?
GOD, what a DICK.
David Liebe Harte?
i toured all over the US, Europe, UK, Japan…stayed at lots of shitty hotels and nice ones too…saw lots of cool sites, met lots of cool people, saw lots of cool music – and shitty versions of all that too. I’m 34 and drink like a fish. It wasn’t always the best but overall I had a fucking blast.
the defining element that separates my experience and yours is your band sucked.
who the fuck is The Dan Band?
who is this guy, he sounds like a total fucking bummer
At 24, if you work towards “making it” it’s a career.
At 34, if you want to save face because you didn’t make it, it’s a hobby.
At some point that Captain Murtagh in your head kicks in and says “I’m too old for this shit.” A good write, Dave.
Who cares die. Everything is spelled out in a blog post now. Ur the reason music sucks. tahnks for quitting u hoe
Following your logic: If you have any creative endeavor, just quit, for many of the same reasons.
I’ll take making music with an instrument (fuck off dj’s) and having fun doing it over sitting in my underwear blogging every fucking time.
If you love music (or writing, or theater, or painting or whatever), ‘making it’ is not the point.
real musicians have day jobs. read that on a bumper sticker. or as i call em, bumper snickers. heh.
wow! you have been so successful and that has made you so jaded about bands now!
I toured the UK and it was one of the best weeks of my life. I don’t even think my band is good, but some people like it and its fun to play live. that’s why I am not quitting my band. I am 20 and in school and being in a band is pretty fun now.
Sounds like you didn’t have fun because your only intention was to “make it”.
congrats. you are annoying.
yeah, um, I’d keep all this shit about not liking being in a band to yourself, because actual boring losers with no talent like myself will stab you if you start complaining like this in our face.
I like bluegrass…and bacon.
what would willie do?
WORLD CUP!!
Nice!
Re: David Liebe Hart, that was the first thing that came to my mind too…television
here is the guy http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0366612/
No band has to suck anymore, with technology. It used to be that there were a thousand phonies for every one person who mastered playing an instrument. Now those phonies have tracks on myspace, when all they could do before was ride their lies as far as they were believed. I heard a tryhard back in 1990 claim that he filled in for the cro mags drummer when he skipped a show. Today, I would want to capture all the lies and call it art. back then, it would have taken me too long to figure this out before he got beat up. People like that are still around, but they get called on it before they can flame in front of everybody. Humor them, get them on a stage, and film it.
Good piece. Not true, but very funny and well written
bumper snickers! hohoho!
Not everyone can be the Melvins.
Author is quite the cynic.
do whatever you want you insecure fucks
This article applies to any job anywhere. For example, I tried to make it in data entry, got a few odd gigs here and there over 8 years, but eventually I “burned out” and took my last bathroom break. Last one, forever (with or without semi-moist bathroom key).
Now I wipe the flop-sweat-covered brows of the taco cart workers on Bedford. It doesn’t pay at all sometimes, but it’s a real, reasonable lifetime job.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKHlFoYLUIM
here’s the Dan Band.
Despite the promising environment, i doubt any of these guys got laid after the show.
isn’t that the band from Old School?
do whatever you want you insecure fucks, no one cares about you … accept this and live your life any way you want to live your life … eventually it will end and unless you do something you will do nothing … doing nothing at 30 is not that bad … not anymore at least. No one cares. At least you can try to be cool before you die. which will be lost immediately following you having read that. so is life. que sera sera
I saw John Doe in Pittsburgh 2 summers ago. All I kept thinking was, “Holy shit, that’s the ne’er do well nephew from Roadhouse.”
I am a visual artist, a really good one but… Everything here is pretty similar. I had a really hot chick once ask “Does this happen often?” As I was having sex with her. Does what happen often? A person who is devoted to their art gets lucky for some reason and has sex with a hot chick, occasionally but not often! Yes, I am generally poor, I might be good looking but so what? I become the fantasy or the vacation or the sly thing on the side, who cares? I never become the boyfriend but I am kind of ok with that, chicks are crazy. My time is devoted to art not crazy chicks.
Be a good looking artist if you can but have a really good job that you do just to make ends meet and tell the chick that you don’t care that you make more than 40k per year and get laid like a mofo.
This is a great idea. Just think of all the money people will save when they don’t have to pay covers to see shitty bands any more. And what about all the conversations people will be able to have? Cancer might have been cured by now if not for the mind-numbing din of crap live music.
The Dan Band?! Well heck yeah! Gimme some more wisdom, dude! Maybe you should get out of TV too.
Perhaps it should read ‘If You’re In A Rubbish Band and Aren’t Really Enjoying Yourself, Quit.’
There are people who love playing music and there are tools who want to feel like rock stars.
This article is extremely informative and useful for the latter group.
In all seriousness, though, props to you for owning up to being a douche in hip clothing. The self-loathing definitely makes it easier to stomach the otherwise awful moments (like that weird “hot chicks” rant).
Sorry you feel this way, David.
I turned 40 last year and realized I still quite a bit of music left in me. I kept seeing Mike Watt playing around my area and he would end every set by holding his bass high above his head and shouting “START YOUR OWN BAND!”. Oh wait, hey, that’s me, I should start my own band! So I did.
I can’t sing, am overweight, balding and wear awkward clothing (you know, from Target), play to two or three people a show, and generally feel REALLY old. But I’m having a blast. (helps that I have a kick ass drummer)
My rule is this: Art is for everyone and there are no other rules. Everyone at any age has the right and should play music, and beauty is in the eye of beholder. In fact, MORE people should play in bands. We live in complicated times and sometimes the only way to cope, reflect and understand modern human experience is through art.
Money? Touring? Negativity? Bleh… Have fun! Keep things in perspective! If YOU are happy with it, that’s all that matters. If you are burnt, take a break. Music will always be there for you.
Now get out there and START YOUR OWN BAND!
There are few people in this world who in the long term still work on this craft known as music for the fun and the righteousness of it.
However, I have seen too many young musicians turn into boring old men and using the once great music they made and played only to have it become something they prostitute out again and again from paycheck to paycheck. I’ve seen it. I’ve known guys who literally HATE the bands they play in but it became their dead end job.
Except not a lot of dead end jobs provides an ample excuse for dirty old men to prey on young naive rock chicks.
i can think of a lot worst ways to struggle in life.
@beef: If you’re going to pretend to be me and post a bomb, the least you can do is link to my blog, faggot.
Is it necessary to explain to this boring asshole the difference between opinion and fact? Just make music and showcase it, if you think its good enough to show people. Things tend to be less boring and more worth it if you’re less of a useless, whiny bitch, David.
perfect.
Slickly written post, David. But you got more than a few things wrong in it.
I’m pushing 60 and I still rock harder and more imaginatively than most of the yungsters I get to play music with. And I can still put a smile on the faces of those listening to me do it.
And what’s your Who dissing all about anyway? Seeing the Who, or any other dinosaur-era rock band in concert in 2010 gives us the opportunity to see the people WHO MADE THAT SHIT UP ORIGINALLY PERFORM IT LIVE! Who cares how old they are?!? Or how old the tunes are?!? If these performers can present their music with enough passion to bring pleasure to those still eager to listen, they’re viable, irrespective of their age or the opinions of “musicians” or “critics” like you.
David, you made the right choice leaving behind your music “career” and getting into television. Television is the perfect venue for those who prefer to deal with the surface of things rather than deal seriously with life’s essential emotions, which is what committed artists/musicians do without having to think about it. You, on the other hand, appear to be someone who thinks superficially effortlessly – a perfect television career specimen.
But having said that, enjoy the rest of your life. I’m glad you recognized your limitations as an artist before your early successive failures had a chance to grind you into dust.
This is pretty funny, but not remotely true. Or should I say, short of being an uber rich playboy, EVERYTHING sux. Certainly working a job, living with a wife, having and caring for children…that’s a nice top 10 list.
Being a Lawyer sux, that’s for sure. You’re paid well, but you hate yourself and work like a dog. Any person who ever did anything can explain why it sucks…it’s all in how you look at it.
The fact is, I’ve toured the world…and loved it. The money isn’t great in music, but it isn’t great in social work, or teaching either, or many other fulfilling jobs. You don’t do those jobs for the money.
And your first point is LAUGHABLE. so, you should give your band three live gigs, and if you’re not packing them in YOU SUCK? Held to that standard practically no legendary bands would have ever made a record. And of course, many genres of music playing live, when you’re unsigned, unpromoted, and unknown, makes no sense at all.
So, like I said…these kinds of lists are fun, but completely meaningless.
This is kind of true, kind of not.. I’ve definitely dated hot girls cuz of my band and been with one for like 4 years and eventually made her join my band. Best of both worlds. And yea, one of my bands doesn’t have anyone there but a few friends but then sometimes I randomly get to jam with the guitarist from The Killers and work with producer Mark Needham. So those are kind of my perks from all of it but yea, it’s hard to make it all add up to one solid “oomph.” Random. Chaos.
@ tHE zAPPER – rubbish day is wednesday, they collect it with a lorry~!!!!!!!
Wait – he’s not a musician, he’s a drummer!
I have nothing against the author personally but, from my own experience and the experiences of people I know, this article is astoundingly wrong. By the author’s reckoning: a band that’s not famous after three shows sucks; almost everyone involved in a band is a drunk or an idiot; bands on tour spend the time they aren’t driving or gigging sitting around doing nothing and never go and see the sights in some of the amazing cities in which they are playing; and one of the singular most important aspects of being in a band is dating hot girls. Who will then dump you.
Wow.
Stevie Nicks’ token backing instrumentalist or not, this is inconceivably wrong. If you’re good, somebody will notice. It might take years, but you will. Most people I know in bands are perfectly decent, hard-working people. Maladjusted, sure, but no more than everyone else in the world. I spend most of my life on tour – by choice – and it’s an amazing experience. Of course it can be frustrating and tedious, but the playing, the new people, the new places, then bond with your bandmates… they all make it something utterly unique. And of course the money is rubbish, but there are plenty of ways to make it if you just use a bit of ingenuity.
If everyone listened to Mr Harte’s advice, there wouldn’t be any bands let alone great ones. Just because you think you’re so clever having had two (wow aren’t you special) record deals, doesn’t mean you know shit. Never heard of you anyway you sour old shit.
….you kill my dream….thank you ! That’s why to die in a hotel room or in the back of a tour bus flooded on it’s own vomit is a great Rockstar end…
why not better end that crashed in a tuned car isn’t it !
pretty much true I guess, but you sound like a bitter pussy
The guy who wrote this is an poser or at least was and he happened to make it, but he was never about the music and thats why he is now writing this bitter little blog trying to kill other peoples dreams and aspirations. The music industry isn’t for everyone but then again neither is the real world. Just let people be themselves and don’t try to bring them down…
that’s why you’re supposed to die at 27
Even though this article is an accurate warning to what COULD happen to you if you aren’t careful, it fails to recognize that there is, in fact, a lot of money to be made in the music business. It should clearly state these facts to 35 year olds who are still “trying to make it,” not everyone. The world wants music and is going to pay people to make it. The writer of this article just seems upset that no one wanted him in their band/didn’t like the music he wrote. I feel sorry for him.
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No need to piss on the bonfire, pick your bitter arse up, stop being raped for your abilities and try again.
Enojy your microwave meal and dark side of the moon themed lonley wank this eve.
ps not every hot girl is a shallow psycophantic nut bar.
fuck off.
seriously you complaining whining asshole, fuck the fuck off. have you even read your own article, you are a whining bitch. just shut the fuck up.
This is spot on, I’m 38 and was trying to decide whether to keep on trying to get gigs for the band (haven’t played in a few years).
But yeah, this is just what I needed to read to convince me my time and cash are best directed elsewhere. Thanks Dave!
go fuck yourself!
if you’re into jazz or want to get into jazz, kind of blue’ by miles davis is the fundamental jazz album, the one owned by non-jazz lresentis. it’s very smooth stuff. the best track off that is titled so what’ i love jazz, so if you need anything else, i would b happy to point you on the right track