Posted by
• 09.18.09 11:00 am

READER SUBMITTED CONTENT About a week ago, a couple of friends of mine were riding their bikes around downtown L.A. when they discovered what can only be described as the Mt. Rushmore of Shit.

About a week ago, a couple of friends of mine were riding their bikes around downtown L.A. when they discovered what can only be described as the Mt. Rushmore of Shit. Really something to behold. My friend told me about it and insisted that I see it for myself. I love me a good poo sighting/diarrhea story, so it didn’t take much to get me to the location. (I was there within the hour.)

What stood before me were not one, but TWO, mounds of human poo so fucking tall that one came up just shy of my knee (if you include skid marks, which I always do). This shit wasn’t right. It wasn’t just the stench and visual, either. This poo-poo was actually affecting me emotionally. Why? Because this was obviously the ass-vomit of a homeless person with nowhere else to crap. And that is just heartbreakingly sad. I mean, I always thought that was what Starbucks was for.

Let’s think about this for a moment. Remember the last time you had a mean one coming like a runaway freight train and nowhere to go? And you almost shat yourself? That is the worst feeling in the world. Well, what if you NEVER had anywhere to go? What if outside, on a goddamn bridge where there is a non-stop flow of traffic, was your only option … ever? Fuck Darfur. The real genocide is happening right here in America, in the buttholes of our homeless.

There are poor souls out there having to poo in public, against walls, day after day, until we have what you see before you. That will slowly kill a man from the inside out. This must stop. EVERYONE deserves to shit indoors and wipe with (at least) two-ply toilet paper (four-ply would be more compassionate).

I don’t have the answers. All I’m saying is the next time you take a dump in a private bathroom, on a porcelain toilet, and wipe with some decent TP, be grateful and flush one down for the soldiers on the street who don’t have that luxury.


  1. kure kure takora says:

    that’s a lot of shit for a homeless person, looks like they’re eating enough.

  2. french guy says:

    poetic and hilarious.

  3. kss says:

    this is so good

  4. dick whole says:

    actually really great.

  5. Dork says:

    WOW! Good shit.

  6. just a cunt hair away says:

    “soldiers”? get real.

  7. milky says:

    hahahaah fantastic.

  8. Zippy says:

    I bet it’s some sort of street art!

  9. cuntvomit says:

    The homeless eat at Chipotle?

  10. O.G. says:

    wait, so the homeless are doing streetcarnage now?

  11. Anonymous says:

    i think i see negro jesus on the wall and i think he loves me.

  12. lol@u says:

    Bukowski said that all men, no matter who they are, deserve to wipe their ass with TP.

  13. SK says:

    didn’t know the bukowski thing…
    its fucking true though.

  14. Fat one from the backstreet boys says:

    Its not complete unless there are a pair of boxers used as toilet paper strewn to one side.

  15. Not A Tree says:

    The Great Pile of P.F. Changs

  16. sniff sniff says:

    anyone else actually smelling shit while reading this? interconnected senses/sense memory can be detrimental sometimes.

  17. Big Mel says:

    If you’re quoting Bukowski, I hope to god you’re under 21

    otherwise, just kill yourself

  18. drippy dog dix and cum bubbles or something says:

    @cuntvomit: Oh man, the Chipotle thing is so true. That place is just brutal on the insides.

    @Big Mel: Word.

    I saw an awesome shit explosion similar to these about three feet up on a wall at Union Square about a year ago. I still think about it all the time.

  19. Kennedy says:

    Fuck the homeless(not in the ass though).

  20. Anonymous says:

    Fuuuuuck Man, I know EXACTLY what you mean about that urgent shit feeling. My outlook has slightly changed today in favor of sympathy for homeless poopies, thanks!

  21. Anonymous says:

    people who say they’ve outgrown bukowski have become the pig people he wrote about so loathsomely well. big mel, heal theyself and kiss mah grits!

  22. Uncle Wah Wah says:

    Is there some kind of street code that the homeless use to signify the proper place to shit? You know, this is where we sleep, this is where we gather to socialize. this is where we eat, this is where we shit…..

    It’s comforting to imagine that the schizo/paranoid/drug addled/wino segment of society has their own etiquette. Like the rats. :)

  23. Z for Zimmerman says:

    I turned into a man the first time I saw a man taking a shit on a downtown sidewalk.

  24. spamburglar says:

    -This is fucking grotesque but I can’t turn away, it’s mesmerizing!

  25. a4awesome says:

    Vomit in my mouth. That’s way too much shit to be a one timer – has to be his official toilet.

  26. pingpong says:

    the good shitting spots get passed down through the hobo network and they start shitting in the same safe spots, building up into a disgusting piles of desperate shits. Horrifying

  27. stupid says:

    i love having a house to poop in.

    but, what is really bothering me here is how high the poo pile is. why wouldn’t you just shit beside it after the like 3rd or 4th poo? it seems like you be in jeopardy of getting covered in it.

    also, it looks like someone could have hung their ass out a window and been pooping down the wall, like the way the priest pooped out of the canoe in the movie Blackrobe, except he pooped in one of the Great Lakes, with his bare ass hanging out in January while a bunch of Indians made fun of him.

  28. SK says:

    The glorious shit mounds were discovered on a bridge, so no chance of anyone crapping down from above. was God?

  29. Manperson says:

    Amazing. This is far more entertaining and relevant than anything Gavin or the other people that text crap on this site have offered. Or about equal depending how you look at it.

  30. Shithead says:

    i wonder if there is a corrsponding lake of urine somewhere in the city, several feet deep, several acres in size that shines like a golden jewel?

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