Posted by
• 01.29.10 11:00 am

READER SUBMITTED CONTENT Man, that place is fucked up. Last Sunday I went out for a couple of drinks and ended up meeting my friend at a bar on Rivington. We were there for three hours before we decided to bail. We were having a smoke outside when I realize my phone is missing. Fuck! It’s an iPhone and I already knew it was gone.

Man, that place is fucked up. Last Sunday I went out for a couple of drinks and ended up meeting my friend at a bar on Rivington. We were there for three hours before we decided to bail. We were having a smoke outside when I realize my phone is missing. Fuck! It’s an iPhone and I already knew it was gone.

Anyway, I was inside looking for my phone in a dark, loud, shitty bar while my friend is outside called it. I didn’t find it, but my friend apparently knew where it was.

It turns out someone answered my phone when he called and wanted us to meet him on 2nd and 2nd with $400. My first reaction was, “Fuck that, the phone was $200.” (I found out later it’s only $200 when you first activate it; after it’s $400.) I’m not going to get stabbed by some thug Puerto Rican / Dominican (apparently he sounded thug and Spanish) over a fucking iPhone, so I told my friend to forget it.

But when I got home and I started getting really pissed. After I changed all my passwords, I told my girl to give me her phone so I could meet this piece of shit. I wanted to bring a knife, but my girlfriend talked me out of it, so I brought my U-Lock instead. She also insisted on going there with me.

On the way there she called my phone and the guy was all like, “Hey baby, come meet me at this club on 2nd and 2nd.” He never said the name of the club, but she told him we had the money and we were on our way.

When we got there I told her to give me her phone and I would check out some clubs on the block. I think I ended up going into some club next to The Black Cock. It seemed like the right place — I mean, I was the only white dude in there. So there I am with a U-Lock in the back of my pants, calling my stolen phone, hoping to see someone answer. I was even going to have the DJ make an announcement, but there was no one in the booth. After several calls, I realized my phone was off. Right around this time I dropped my girl’s phone and the battery went flying across the floor. I eventually found her battery and just gave up. Drunk and Pissed.

The next morning I walked to the store, disconnected my phone, and had to buy a new one. I didn’t want this Spanish piece of shit to be the reason I didn’t have an iPhone. I was pretty much over it now, but then some guy called me (I kept the same number). I asked who it was and the guy goes, ”Uh, I was getting a lot of calls from this phone last night.” I told him my phone was stolen and hung up. I should have been like, “It was probably your fucking ghetto ass friend who stole my phone,” but I didn’t think of it.

Fast forward two days. I called AT&T and get the serial number of my old phone and decided to file a police report at the 7th Precinct.

As soon as I walked in there was a group of Spanish thugs. One of them was just getting out of jail and they were giving him his shit in a plastic bag. The front desk woman there was really cool and started taking down all my information. She even thought they could set up the guy who stole my phone.

But then the dude who was getting out of jail started flipping the fuck out. He was accusing the cops that arrested him of stealing $5,000 from his coat. Then his friends start calling the cops, “dirty fucking pigs.” As this is going down, some Chinese guy in a suite is also flipping out and being led to the other room in handcuffs.

This is when it gets real good: While the guy who is accusing the cops of stealing his money is still flipping out, a little Puetro Rican / Dominican (I don’t know which) girl in her twenties comes in with her 3 year-old son.

It took her all of five seconds to start flipping a shit. She was the wife of the guy who just got out of jail. I was sitting there thinking, “This place is fucked up. I just want to file a police report so the asshole who sole my phone can never activate it again, and I have three thugs and a chick with a three year kid flipping shit on the police.” The guy’s wife straight up told the cops in there that she hopes they all get shot in the head.

It’s fucked up that his money was stolen, but fuck, it was probably made illegally anyway. In fact, all his friends were like, “I make your salary in a week, you fucking dirty pigs.” The chick also called out the lady who was helping me, calling her a “$9-an-hour stupid bitch.”

That’s when the front desk lady flipped shit and called her a ghetto piece of shit, and threaten to beat the shit out of her if she didn’t leave. This threat didn’t even phase her, or her man and his friends, because they all kept flipping out.

I really don’t know why they just didn’t arrested all them there. I mean shit, they were doing this all in front of their 3-year-old.

Anyway, this went on for a while, and another random guy got brought in and arrested. Eventually, they stopped yelling and started calling whoever you call to file a complaint.

This is when a detective came downstairs and called out my name and told me to follow him. It was pretty rad to see where the detectives worked. I felt like I was on that show The First 48, except I didn’t kill anyone. He listened to my story for like five minutes and pretty much told me that there wasn’t much he could do. I completely forgot to mention that I received a call from one of the friends of the guy who stole my phone, but at this point I really didn’t even give a shit anymore.

So yea, I am definitely over Spanish thugs in NYC. Also, I wished I filmed this whole shit going down.


  1. drippy dog dix and cum bubbles or something says:

    I hear ya bro, I’m over Spanish thugs too. LOL 😉

  2. brooklynchimp says:

    Almost- as lame as Arv’s shit.

  3. a4awesome says:

    Welcome to NYC.

    P.s. Williamsburg was once abundant with Hispanic thugs before it was hip.

  4. Jackie McChuckles says:

    If you hadn’t been such a drunk-klutz,you would have been beaten to death with your own U-lock. Iphones suck anyway, fuck Steve Jobs and his rich-skinny-white cancer ass.

  5. awwwmannnn says:

    terrible.. it sounds like a stoned grade 11 trying to tell a story from last weekend, but messing up/forgetting the point of the story half way through, and then just rambling..

    gavin only put this on because it picks on minorities, dont feel like you should keep submitting stuff.

  6. Jackson says:

    Wow this is the lamest story ever. Typical transplant shit in any city. U-Lock? C’mon man, at least think of something less stereotypically hip. You honestly went to the police station to file a report on a “stolen” iPhone. Unless dude took it from your pocket I’m going to have to assume you dropped it and he found it, more like finders keepers than stealing. And you never even hit this dude up, your other white suburban friend told you he was “Spanish” and you can’t tell the difference between a Puerto Rican and a many dumb things in this story.

  7. Jackson says:

    & wait, you actually needed a detective to TELL YOU there was nothing he could do about your PHONE in NEW YORK CITY?

  8. Literet says:

    Such a good speller.

  9. Treetop says:

    C’mon guys, don’t flip a shit on R.Kadillac.

  10. R. Kadillac rocks! says:

    R. Kadillac is the best blogger. Hipsters rule!

  11. . says:

    eat shit and die you dumb puss ass hipster. real new yorkers hate your kind for an excellent reason, you make the whole place a little bit more wack. you probably deserve to be beat up like once a week anyway, and you’re bitching about your pass being not completely free.

  12. R. KADILLAC's cute rich girlfrined who's doing the NYC THANG says:

    R. KADILLAC sticks it in all your moms asses…real talk, pump your bricks on that. teh streetz raised me yo!

  13. Freebo says:

    Spanish people disguising themselves as puerto rican/dominecans?

  14. Big H says:


  15. LemonSqueezy says:

    How do people like this survive?

  16. anon anon says:

    What a jerk you are.

  17. Anonymous says:

    Welcome to NYC!! Pretty soon you will start crossing against the light. And eventually you will realize that homeless people aren’t wise street sages and will tell them to fuck off when they hassle you for cash instead of asking them to unravel all of life’s mysteries for you. Then you will grow some pubes you cock fag. You’re lucky you never found the dude, you fake Charles Bronson pussy shit. You would have waved the lock around like a paralyzed dude waving his limp dick around on the subway and then the PR would have stabbed you in the throat. Puss.

  18. fredMS says:

    there’s no superficial difference between puerto ricans and dominicans

  19. The Real New Yorker says:

    I hate all “Spanishes.” They’re like the Turks of the west.

  20. Jay says:

    Moral of the tale is get a shitty Nokia that you can break, lose or get stolen and not give two fucks about. Is Twitter that important ?

  21. Billy Cox says:

    that shits the worst. i fucking hate ghetto spanish people

  22. lol@u says:

    too bad you didn’t find the guy. you would be dead and I wouldn’t have read this retarded story.

  23. Your Dad says:

    My favorite part was when you called your phone, and then it turn out it was off, and then you dropped your girlfriend’s phone and the BATTERY fucking FLEW OUT!!! And then you found it, but then you were like hmmm maybe I shouldn’t call this guy who found my iPhone after all, I don’t need it that bad because I can afford a new one.

    Nice one son!!

  24. Anonymous says:

    Jesus, NYC sounds just as shitty as I had imagined it.

  25. justinnn says:

    i was waiting for some kind of punchline to the story but it was more like buying bread and milk. nothing really happened. well, events took place but nothing extraordinary went down. from what i can tell, you’re over privileged and seeing “minorities” flip out was your “crazy story of the year”. cool?

  26. Pepe says:

    Hey, pink ass I gotch yo phone still bitch. Me and my boys be sniffin kocane off dat shit as i tipe. Afta dat I be goin to da nife stoor to buy me a blade and rob more white boys. An gess wat Munday is da first of da month so popi is goin be ridin large. Dat is unless child support invades my shit again. Last mont dey took half my check.

  27. ... says:

    pinkass. ha!
    asians would never do this…

  28. ZOGISTAN says:

    Spanish means somebody is from Spain. Not Puerto Rico or the Dominican Republic. Equating these three is a grave insult to Spain and its people. Just because some people speak a language improperly, does not make them members of the nation and people that language belongs to. You may be “over Spanish thugs”, but the Puerto Ricans and Dominicans are the ones that took your precious fashion accessory. What did anybody from Spain do to deserve your attention?

  29. Concerned Person says:



  30. Frenchy says:

    hey! that was a pretty good story! im kinda tired now and wondering how it ended, since i lost interest at about the 3rd paragraph. but ill fall asleep dreaming about the outcome of this delightful little enterprise. i dont care much for stories about cell phones (thats just me) but i really got the feel for your storytelling abilities just by that first bit. i really hope you got your cell phone back in the end! just too bored to continue reading to find out, that’s all! cheers!

  31. horse says:

    so wait, basically the moral is you’re a sheltered little racist faggot. and you actually wake up feeling like you’re above niggas. you’re a clown and a pussy. you forgot the part where you called your stepmom in minnesota from your girlfriends phone weeping. goddamn! people like you make me hate my city now. bring back the working class.

  32. 666 says:

    i love vampires from puerto rico

  33. loser says:

    You are such a sheltered white kid, its not even funny. Why don’t you go back to Oklahoma or wherever the fuck piece of shit middle america state you came from. Who files a police report for a lost iphone? Seriously? Grow the fuck up.

  34. Dick says:

    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ….boring trustafarians…ZZZZZZZZZZZ…$400 cell phones are gay…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…Fuck New York, New Yorkers, illiterate hipsters, and most of all, you.

  35. SPARY says:


  36. TS Fitzgerald says:

    Haha! I’m from Melbourne Australia and even I think you’re a racist little bitch.

  37. no says:

    wow… jees…. just…. wow.
    spain is near morocco… africa, etc.
    do ppl really get spanish ppl confused with central / south americans?

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