Posted by
• 04.29.11 10:00 am

READER SUBMITTED CONTENT In the months since I killed that dog, my life has really taken a turn for the worse.

In the months since I killed that dog, my life has really taken a turn for the worse. I totaled an uninsured car and got a DUI, a divorce and a staph infection all in one night. I feel like that fucking cocker-spaniel resurrected in the form of another animal, like in The Crow, but instead of just killing me, little Shamey has just been fucking with me.

Anyway, I fell into the depths of depression. No car, no license and a staph infection that lives in my nose. The doctor told me I shouldn’t pick my nose then touch my kids. My buggers are like a biological weapon.

It felt like I was never going to pull myself out of the hole I had dug for myself. That is, until I learned the touching story of a very successful rapist. This inspirational story gave me the motivation I needed to get back to being good at life. I got a new job, I now drive a BMW and have a younger, hotter wife. All because of rape and negroes.


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  1. yikes says:


  2. luis says:

    mission beach!

  3. So says:

    Is it two horrible open mics and then out? Or does Roy get a third shot at some point? And Buck up Roy, you’re clearly good at locating a viral video and writing an overwrought bit about it. You should blog more.

  4. d-bo says:

    this is 4 minutes too long.

  5. Anonymous says:

    i lol’d several times

  6. roger pro says:

    french horns + magical negro = final annhilation of the chomskian critique

  7. (not published or required) says:

    that was kind of punchy and got me wondering what a staph infection is

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