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Clement Weather
• 03.20.12 11:00 am


Ever since the Jews won World War II, it’s been acceptable throughout the Western world to portray Germans as subhuman—which is, as luck would have it, the way that Germans used to depict Jews! How weird is that?!? Like they say, the winners write the history books—even the ones for kids!

Modern speech codes are as unflinchingly humorless as any other era’s speech codes. They are also ravenously totalitarian and intolerant of all dissent—one might even call them “fascistic.” It’s ironic, then, that they’re so hostile toward the bumbling Teutons who made the most epic fascist FAIL ever and got PWNED by the Allies. If the PC Speech Gestapo hates Nazis so much, why are they acting like them?

With such a gloomy climate for healthy expressions of good old-fashioned guilt-free and soul-cleansing hatred, it’s inevitable that you wind up with Uber-silly, snake-eating-its-own-tail cases such as this one in England, where a British man has been forbidden from taunting his German neighbors with Nazi salutes and Winston Churchill speeches. Of course, the fact that it’s England—where men sleep with Teddy Bears—made him turn around and claim victimhood himself.

Ever since his German (NAZI!) neighbors Reinhard (NAZI!) and Kathryn (NAZI!) Wendt (NAZIS!) moved in four years ago, proud Englishman Geoffrey Butler (BRITISH IMPERIALIST PIG!) allegedly started harassing them because they came from the Land of Sauerkraut. His alleged years of prolonged taunting reportedly included Sieg Heiling at them and blasting patriotic British songs such as “White Cliffs of Dover” and “Rule Britannia” at them. When accused of whistling the theme to the anti-German war film Dam Busters at the couple, Butler told the court in his defense that he is medically incapable of whistling. Butler claims he is falsely being “accused of Nazi abuse” and that it was in fact his Kraut neighbors who were harassing him by throwing chairs at him and calling him “big head.”

The way WWII is framed nowadays, you’d think the Germans were the only ones who killed anybody. But doesn’t the fact that they lost that war sort of prove that the Allies were better at killing? And historically, do the British really have room to talk? They sip their afternoon tea with bloody hands indeed. Wasn’t it only a hundred years ago that their pale skin stretched across the globe as they ruled the world through conquest and force?

Is it ever fair to reduce any ethnic group’s cultural history to nothing but butchery? Doesn’t that constitute “blood libel” on some level? Sure, the Germans (well, hate to get technical, but it was the Austrians) gave us Hitler, but didn’t they also give us Beethoven? No, they don’t produce many comedians, but didn’t they, like, invent a lot of stuff? Doesn’t every dark cloud have a silver lining? Can we at least cut them some slack for Kraftwerk alone?

In a world where we’re constantly being punched in the kidneys about how we’re supposed to see all people as people and to honor their inviolable peoplehood into perpetuity, shouldn’t this apply to everyone—even those filthy rat bastard Prussian warmongers? Isn’t it time we started viewing everyone as human, or is society by its nature incapable of making such small, sensible leaps?

Isn’t it a little racist to accuse Germans—or “white people,” or “Jews,” or “Canadians,” or “Arabs,” or “Eskimos,” or “skateboarders,” or anyone—of being uniquely disposed toward savagery and mob violence? Were those fluffy-headed young men in Depeche Mode wrong when they sang that “People Are People“?

Will the world always remain so primitively stupid and in need of easy scapegoats? Are we ever going to advance to the point where we truly see all people as people, or is that just a bullshit fantasy? Can any society exist without targeting an “other” and making a doo-doo on it?



German civilian victims of the Allied bombing at Dresden. I know, I know—their lives don’t count, even if many Germans were held in concentration camps after the war.


  1. emo jody says:

    pretty good for a 7th grader!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Fall in love with an “other” and find the answer to your own question, brother.

  3. mother teresa says:

    German hate is news to me. The worst I’ve heard is that they say things funny

  4. Anonymous says:


  5. bollockstothis says:

    “even if many germans were held in concentration camps after the war” strangely enuf, they were fighting to get into them as it was the only place they were likely to get any food due to the entire population being dragged off to wage ‘total war’ on behalf of uncle adolf and neglecting to actually grow anything to eat for a year or so. right up to the end they still thought they were going to win and therefore the rest of europe would go back to supplying their food for them.
    oh and austria didn’t give us adolf, they gave him to germany and they foisted him onto the world stage, small point but i doubt historical accuracy is ever going to be one of your strong points

  6. Zippy says:

    Hey if you don’t think a fair amount of Europe today wouldn’t like to round up the Turks, North Africans , Asians and Arabs that have moved into Europe in the last fifty years and come up with a suitable “solution’ to that problem….. well you don’t understand mankind. 😉

  7. bollockstothis says:

    they could always do what the english did a couple of hundred years ago with their trash of the day (convicts) and send ’em all to australia, oh hang on the ‘undesirables’ are doing that of their own accord already, bugger there goes that theory, we don’t want euro rejects as well

  8. fik says:

    but i love them turks !

  9. uh says:


  10. busted says:

    Zippy for the win.

  11. Biotin says:

    “Ever since the Jews won World War II, it’s been acceptable throughout the Western world to portray Germans as subhuman”

    Funnily enough there wasn’t a link for this one. Probably because it’s not true

  12. Fascist says:

    This is a terrible article

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