Pary F Karavello is very uncomfortable with people being in his home. He’s worried people are going to steal shit and he’s right. We are.  MORE»

I love the mess these Gawker types get themselves in when they throw the rule book in the garbage and start the whole thing over from scratch.  MORE»

Politics boils down to two groups. People who want to be left alone and people who won’t leave them the fuck alone.  MORE»

Can you get Patton Oswalt to Tweet this? Can you Instagram this article about me? Can you send out the link to our Kickstarter? No. It doesn’t work.  MORE»

Okay, here’s my final word on Spring Break 2014: It’s like a strip club. You don’t want your daughter working there but if your son visits, you go, “Oh well.” When I said this to liberals, they told me we need to “change the conversation.” Republicans said, “but without daughters, it wouldn’t exist.”  MORE»

You can be as famous as you want but without wit, you don’t got shit. Many were skeptical when Nick Cannon put on downhill skiing gloves and decided to conquer stand up. Then he opened his mouth and killed.  MORE»