Posted by
• 03.28.14 03:24 pm


How can Patton still be a liberal? He likes logic and reading and being rational about stuff, yet liberal culture has become one big indignation competition. Today, he took on Salon yet again because for some godforsaken reason, he still expects them to be reasonable. You might as well fact-check Gawker. Anyways, here’s how it went down…

Huh. @Salon defends Colbert against PC outrage. Usually they’re the ones whipping it up. The irony is killing me: 

[He’s discussing this Salon piece -Ed]

. @pattonoswalt @Salon Impossible for different writers to have different opinions? We also ran 2 contrasting Gwyneth pieces on same day.

@embeedub @Salon There’s “different opinions” and then there’s “willful ignorance in the service of click bait.”

.@embeedub @Salon Seriously, did you just say “contrasting Gwyneth pieces” to prop up @Salon‘s journalism cred? Wow. WOW.

@pattonoswalt @embeedub a guy who’s still cashing KING OF QUEENS residuals is lecturing a website for publishing things people will click on

.@pareene @embeedub Good one. I don’t think you know how “residuals” work, or how they relate to manufactured outrage. You’re adorable.

.@pareene @embeedub Wait, is this true? You started your career at fucking GAWKER and you’re giving me shit for KING OF QUEENS?!? #wheee

Patton Oswalt ‏@pattonoswalt  1h

.@pareene @embeedub I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t dwell but…Gawker? GAWKER?!? AHAhahahahaHAHAHAHA!!!!! Holy shit dude, you’re the best.

Arguing with @Salon on Twitter. I’d forgotten what it was like playing DOOM with infinite lives and ammo.

@pattonoswalt @embeedub yes patton i took paychecks from Gawker to produce work ppl would hopefully enjoy that was sort of my point #wheee

@pattonoswalt @embeedub anyway i enjoyed your performance in YOUNG ADULT tho I didn’t buy you as a rural minnesotan cheers it’s been fun

.@pareene @embeedub “It’s been fun” = “uncle” (Since you like using “body slam”, “takedown” & “TKO” so much in your writing)

@pattonoswalt @embeedub haha ok i can tell you are familiar with my work

.@pareene @embeedub I hope it’s mutual when I tell you that your work is a CONSTANT source of hilarity for me.

@pattonoswalt @embeedub i am indeed saying “uncle” because this is embarrassing for everyone involved but you are “punching down”

.@pareene @embeedub I could power Scranton for a year from your spinning. Go green!

I wrote this, last June, about @Salon. It still applies today, only doubly so: 


UPDATE: After this hullabaloo surfaced, Salon ran a piece contradicting their first piece. Now they’re mad at Colbert. That’s the problem when your agenda is driven by snarky beta males and spinsters. The only consistency you have is a perpetual fear of being called out.

  1. Conrice says:

    Haha, that’s some funny shit right there.

  2. Chris says:

    First Patton quotes Sailer, then this. Get this guy a Taki pledge pin already.


  3. Gavin says:

    Could Alex Pareene’s avatar be farther from what he looks like and who he is?

  4. Jim Goad says:

    I’m reasonably sure that Alex Pareene was the visual inspiration for Pajama Boy’s utter lack of steez.


    Savagely low testosterone; possibly a savagely low T-cell count, too. But let’s get this straight—he understands black people. You can tell just by looking at him.

  5. Alec Leamas says:

    I’m reasonably sure that Alex Pareene was the visual inspiration for Pajama Boy’s utter lack of steez.

    The Germans have a word for a face that looks like it is in need of a fist. I’m too lazy to look it up now, but you get the gist as applied to Pareene and the like.

    I’m also inclined to believe that having words like that is a big part of why you’d better keep an eye on the Germans, even when they’re playing nice for a while.

  6. Jim Goad says:

    That word would be “Backpfeifengesicht.”

  7. Hagen says:

    Great post!

  8. Do you think Alex Pareene has ever put his penis into a (human) vagina? This is an actual question.

  9. TWalsh2 says:

    Pareene is a pussy in every sense of the word. I’ve got a 10 yr old son and I’d rather him be a flaming homosexual with a pair of balls than a pussy like Pareene. Best advice my old man ever gave: the world doesn’t owe you a thing, and you can be whatever you want to be except a pussy.

  10. He looks like Rachel Maddow’s butch sister.

  11. Jim Goad says:

    ^ Close, but I think Rachel’s the butch one in this equation.

  12. eckhart says:

    Kathy, my recollection is he had an “affair” with a married woman and fled halfway across the country to NYC when her husband found out. The details are easy enough to find on Google.

  13. Nick says:

    I find this guy be the whiniest pc-bitch among Salon’s current roster of whiny pc-bitches:

  14. JW says:

    I don’t, and never have seen Patton as a “liberal”. He’s always seemed like an upstanding patriotic red-blooded American to me. Anyone who doubts that statement should listen to his address to the Third Army.

  15. ChiTownPlayaHata says:

    Any legit news source would have ran at least 3 contrasting Gwyneth pieces

  16. Redundant says:


  17. Steve says:

    You can be left wing and still against humourless PC dickheads. Stewart Lee did a whole show the other night on British TV ripping into those who ignore context in humour for their own faux-outraged agenda. And he’s one of the original post-punk, hang-Thatcher, CND, hairy armpit crew. He even dropped the N-bomb. Leo Benjamin is on a similar tip, right?

  18. yabyabyab says:

    The sooner we recognize that left and right are unhelpful and outmoded concepts, the sooner we will realize that left and right are unhelpful and outmoded concepts.

  19. westwaswon says:

    @Steve I’m waiting for you show us a left wing ideology (i’ll even let you define whatever the fuck that means) that doesn’t rely on PC speech codes and crimethink.

  20. westwaswon says:

    @yabyabyab The concepts of left and right are not outmoded, they are the new kids on political-theory-block. They are just ill defined and most don’t understand their place in the greater realm of ideology.

  21. ChiTownPlayaHata says:

    The Libertarian Party used to have a card that had a grid on it. Going one way, I think, was social conservatism to civil libertarian, and crossing it, I think, was socialist to capitalist. It at least made more sense than the Liberal-Conservative paradigm. I mean, take an inner city black baptist preacher who is pro-life, anti-gay-everrything, pro gun, pro-drug-prohibition, but also basically socialist and in support of of affirmative action, welfare, etc. Is he a conservative? Is he a liberal?

  22. JW says:

    The clearest political spectrum I’ve seen has complete freedom (anarchy) on one side of the spectrum and complete control (totalitarianism) on the other of the spectrum. There are 2 main categories of issues; fiscal and social. For any given issue you are either in favor of freedom or in favor of control.

  23. Ghetto Defendant says:

    Pareene is so indicative of the current generation of males. So full of confidence in their passive aggressive snark ’til an actual person calls them on it, then they start crying and want no part of an actual confrontation that they were passive-aggressively initiating.

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