Posted by
Jim Goad
• 09.10.12 11:10 pm

Yes, the so-called “peanut-butter sandwich” may seem like an innocent lunch treat, or maybe even a mildly mischievous midnight snack, but beneath the faux veneer of wholesomeness and nutrition lurks what is indisputably the greatest evil in the history of mankind—which includes sub-Saharan Africa, even though they weren’t keen on the whole “written language” thing and didn’t have much in the way of recorded history before the white man stepped his pale toes on their continent and told them how to use a Kindle.

Verenice Gutierrez (I hope I’m spelling that right—just as much as I hope I’m pronouncing it correctly inside my head) is a bold, vibrant, empowered, highly intelligent, and significantly overweight “Latina” teacher in Portland who “picks up on the subtle language of racism every day.”

Although peanut-butter sandwiches are “seemingly innocent” to the white pigs who walk around so full of themselves and their invisible privilege that they don’t realize they’re constantly oppressing others even when they’re alone in the bathroom at home cutting their own toenails, Ms. Gutierrez insists they are potentially hurtful to Somali and Hispanic students, whose extremely colorful and throbbingly vibrant cultures may not celebrate peanut-butter sandwiches with the same thoughtless gusto that afflicts white people who eat sack lunches.

Gutierrez is merely engaging in a dialectic that the Portland school district is calling “Courageous Conversations,” and in this case she’s opening an extremely brave dialogue about how “white privilege” may lead white assholes munching obliviously on their peanut-butter sandwiches to thoughtlessly and irrevocably damage the precious self-esteem of the nonwhite students whose test scores suffer as a result.

Never mind that some tests suggest that self-esteem and academic performance may be inversely correlated. We all know that things such as math, logic, and statistics are racist remnants of white supremacy.

What matters here are feelings—nonwhite feelings, to be more specific. And how those nonwhite feelings are hurt by the unfeeling whites who feel they’re not supposed to have feelings for the feelings of others and who, as a result, hurt others’ feelings. Education is all about feelings. And if we can only get one group of kids to always feel bad about themselves and the other group to always feel good about themselves, then everyone will feel just fine.


Verenice Gutierrez leads a seminar encouraging white teachers to stop feeling so white and for nonwhite teachers to constantly hector white teachers about being so fucking white, as exemplified in their backward cultural practice of eating peanut-butter sandwiches.


  1. Meanwhile, the kids in her class are probably being fed deep fried rat assholes every day at lunch.

  2. whoops says:

    I don’t know much, but I know the only way forward for non-whites is by coddling them at every step, having institutionalized lower expectations of them, and insisting that nothing they ever do is wrong or even questionable.

    And since that strategy has been so effective with minorities, I’m glad to see that the same principle is being applied to raising children generally. When this generation of kids grows up we will finally be free of a world where anyone at all has the slightest notion of personal responsibility or lacks the sense that they are a special magical snowflake who can do no wrong in this world and who deserves constant unconditional attention.

    I for one can’t wait, what a great place it’s going to be to be an old person.

  3. Hornblower's Ghost says:

    So the peanut allergy is George Washington Carver’s revenge?

  4. […] Jim Goad: “Yes, the so-called “peanut-butter sandwich” may seem like an innocent lunch treat, or maybe even…“ […]

  5. Upper Decker says:

    Way to take that Portland elementary school staff meeting down a peg. SO BRAVE

  6. Richard Campos says:

    It’s a little known fact that Lawrence Olivier invented peanut butter shortly after being called “nigger” on the subway.

  7. I’m appalled by the fact that i have spent all these years unaware of Mexico’s peanut-butter famine. Notice the title of the PT article is pretty racist as well; because we all know what races are influenced by the beating of drums.

  8. Ouroboros says:

    I…I just…don’t know what to say or do anymore. I’m literally tired of this kind of crap. Physically and mentally. We’re doomed. The music has stopped. The curtain had dropped. Goodnight!

  9. Skunky says:

    PB& J uber alles! The dopey Latina should be thankful we proud
    Yanks don’t eat vegemite sammies! Love Australians, but Vegemite
    is just fricken’ rank!

  10. MillsBills says:

    This episode of Portlandia was hilarious!

  11. me says:

    This is stupid, but Jim Goad has the biggest chip on his shoulder about race issues. Dude is a little bit racist. It’s fucking obvious

  12. Charlie R. says:

    So Verenice Gutierrez (the idiot principal at Scott school in Portland, Oregon) thinks that peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are racist? This woman is beyond stupid and has no business being in a school. She certainly has no business being a principal of a school.

    Let this idiot principal know what you think. Contact her!

    Scott school phone number: (503) 916-6369
    Verenice Gutierrez’s email:

    Source for contact information:

  13. Soviet Life says:

    When I read something like this from Jim Goad, I know he isn’t racist. He is the origin cinnamon toast leper sideburn-loving gimcrack daddy, ain’t no lie.

  14. […] — “Peanut Butter Sandwiches: The Last Bastion of White Supremacy” // // Posted in conservative blog Pamela Geller and Michael Coren discuss the SION […]

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