Posted by
Gavin
• 04.29.16 11:11 am

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I’m not big on vacations. I don’t like sitting on the beach in the hot sun and just doing nothing but cook. What am I, a fucking potato? 

Wrangling kids on to a plane to drag them to a resort where obsequious waiters follow you around is also a drag. Rides are fun but not if you have to wait in line for an hour. So, when my wife suggested we go on an “education” (an educational vacation) I told her education is already a word.

My son is really into Ben Franklin so we devoted a few days to checking out all the hotstpots of Philadelphia. I love Philly. I like the people there and the bars. Its rich history is fascinating. The only problem is, you can’t really enjoy what’s great about Philly because the fucking bums run the place. That and a shit ton of Muslims.

That place is one Giuliani away from being the perfect city.

My column on the subject is HERE


Comments
  1. Otto Koureque says:

    Charleston, SC or Charlotte, NC?

  2. Otto Koureque says:

    Never mind. Fixed it. Good job, Sexkitten.

  3. frank says:

    It’s inevitable that they’ll tear down the Frank Rizzo statue one of these years. Under his leadership the Catholics waged a war that successfully preserved their neighborhoods for another 25 years. But they eventually buckled and now the whole city is lost.

  4. Candid Camera says:

    Did it occur to you, oh Mr. Hipster, that you may have been unwittingly participating in a guerrilla street theatre performance. I would have joined the charade and drawn a yellow chalk line around the sidewalk Othello. The brilliant touch of switching hands on his “Muh dik” was a dead giveaway that this was an expose of man’s inhumanity in the crotch of a fellows desperate need for a helping hand to reach out and touch someone. A modern rendition of the “Good Samaritan” if you will. Instead you were an uncaring Pharisee who passed by. Imagine if you had been that Samaritan who stooped down to help, then you may have found yourself a celebrated special guest at the premiere of this film at “THE MET.”

  5. JR Wirth says:

    East coast bums are nothing. In San Francisco we have the professionals. You don’t hear, “can you spare a dollar?” you hear “Give me five dollars!” This is because the San Francisco bum population is heavily laden with former children of the 70’s and 80’s who grew up in well manicured suburbs, were handed everything on a platter by their parents, and decided at an early age to completely blow their minds on drugs. Minds that could have been brilliant. Yet, despite the filth and grime all over them they still have this entitled suburban prick patina. If they have a hackey sack on them it’s a dead giveaway. You don’t even have to ask their life story. Daddy was a Wells Fargo executive who cheated on mommy and divorced her and they both showered him with money that he used to buy drugs in an environment without consequences. Only the consequences eventually caught up by about 25 or so. Also, east coast bums have the weather to deal with, so they need the wherewithal to say to themselves “cold weather=need coat.” San Francisco bums need no such functioning brain cell, and thus kill it with more drugs.

  6. raymi says:

    Did you learn about Philly cream cheese at least? How about the Tom Hanks film/locations thereof? Which I cant believe I haven’t even seen yet. It’s neat your son likes Ben Franklin tho have a nice day.

  7. Alec Leamas says:

    Gavin – I was born and raised in Philadelphia so there’s my cred.

    1) “State Property” is a rap collective/label thingie; Beenie Siegel and Freeway were “State Property” properties. Yes, it is an allusion to the penal system.

    2) I think the bums have waxed and waned and gone where the pickins are good. Hipsters and yuppies are easier marks for bums. Most people raised streetwise know how to ignore them enough that they can’t make much of a bum living. Generally my rule is not to feed a bum unless he’s really entertaining.

    3) Looks like you hit most of the good sights in the City of Philadelphia. There are some really good ones for students of revolutionary history in the surrounding counties as well. E.g. Washinton’s Crossing park (where Washington crossed the Delaware). There’s a shit ton of Inns and Taverns around the place the claim to fame of which is “George Washington slept here.”

    4) Lots of the Muslims in head to toe garb are black converts.

    5) My recommendation for another all-American “education” would be Annapolis, Maryland. Super cool little colonial era town on the harbor, tons of history, and the Naval Academy. The fall is a great time to visit, though you might want to avoid the two weekends of the boat show (or not, it’s fun) and parents’ weekend.

  8. Alec Leamas says:

    It’s inevitable that they’ll tear down the Frank Rizzo statue one of these years.
    _____________________________

    He’s basically a big bronze middle finger extended to the remnants of the City, erected in front of the Municipal Services building no less. I remember the second time he ran for Mayor, that time a Republican. The straw poll conducted by Sister James in my third grade class was 44-0 Rizzo over Wilson Goode.

    I have a bunch of uncles who were cops and firemen and the last straw was then-Mayor John Street’s “the brothas and sistas run this City” comment. Retired early seriatim.

  9. Phil Lee says:

    Philly’s not so bad. Come to my town. Dope, crime, poverty, people pissing in the street and absolutely NO HISTORY WORTH A SHIT. Not even a decent Cheesesteak.

  10. Hooey Davis says:

    I live about 45 minutes outside of Philly. If a nuclear bomb went off inside the city, and I had to puke up my internal organs for a week straight before my eventually harrowing demise, I could die at least knowing that some day, maybe 1,000’s of years from now, our children’s children’s children’s children’s etc etc etc’s children will finally be able to find a parking spot in Philadelphia.

  11. frank says:

    God damn do I never get tired of watching frank rizzo videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HWHhev-aag

    People still don’t get that all this national politics and ideology talk is mostly a waste of time. You need an army. Irish and Italian alliances in Newark and Philadelphia back in the 60s provisioned and fielded uniformed armies of their sons with popular backing and fought for their way of life and their interests. They ultimately failed, but the lesson I take away is it’s the only way to win.

    http://imgur.com/gfDVjW3

  12. definitelymaybe says:

    For all things Philly down & out check out Linh Dinh’s website. <> I found out about him through reading Steve Sailer’s blog at <>. Lot’s of pics of Philly street scenes as well through out the world & nation. He can be a left wing nut sometimes but I think he has a good heart.

  13. Rockmoor says:

    So my comment about first prize for a contest being a week in Philly and second price being 2 weeks in Philly was pretty much on target.

  14. Daisy Dukes says:

    Who says you can’t keep a good nigger down.


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