Posted by
Blognigger
• 11.19.08 02:12 pm

for jerkoffs
Whassup niggaz and ho’s – sidewinder here. BAAAAAM!!

Shoulda seen the look on your Williamsburg faces.

Anyways is Plennyways, Lemme ask you this: How you gonna fire Jim Belushi from “According to Jim??” Believe me, Street Carnage only wishes they could fire me. Now back to bidnes; BAAAAAM!!
Whassup niggaz and ho’s – sidewinder here. BAAAAAM!!

Shoulda seen the look on your Williamsburg faces.

Anyways is Plennyways, Lemme ask you this: How you gonna fire Jim Belushi from “According to Jim??” Believe me, Street Carnage only wishes they could fire me. Now back to bidnes; BAAAAAM!!

Astute StreetCarnage reader Anastasia writes:

Yeah, self-righteous political rants by the edgily-named blognigger are so much better than photos of supermodels in bondage shot by Terry Richardson. What?

Well listen: she’s right about the first part. No matter how much you enjoy the writing of some bloggummer, you’re going to have a tough time convincing me that a bunch of writing is more entertaining than tits. And bondageTits? Cmon. Stop kissin my dick or you’ll be required to submit your gayscale scores as part of my comment captchas.

That second part though…jesus. The second part of Anastasia’s comment just rapes my rage valve. It’s essay-worthy:

“…shot by Terry Richardson.”

Ohhhh, these four little words just get my clit into a kykewrench.

I’ve never been able to tolerate this sentiment – it’s like a pretension and shit sandwich on a chalkboard: The idea that it matters one iota who TAKES a photograph of a supermodel’s tits (as long as they meet a certain standard of technical competence that is roughly equivalent to what it takes to operate a gmail account) is just beyond offensive. This abortion of artistic justice cannot stand- it is therefore my duty to explain why… PHOTOGRAPHY IS FOR JERKOFFS.

Now: The modern practice of Photography belongs to a genre of psuedo-art that I refer to as “Auto-Pilot Jizzcock.”

Other prominent pseudo-arts in the Auto-Pilot Jizzcock genre include: DJ-ing and Sampling.

1) DJ-ing – Oh Christ the ATTITUDE from these Lawn-Gisland mulletted fucks – just for playing a bunch of CDs at a party! Take DJ AM for example: (Too soon?) Now, I don’t think he should have gotten into a plane crash or anything – I’m TERRIFIED of planes and he’s the fucking man for surviving that shit with money and stop drop and roll, and he’s also the man for taking advantage of stupid people and society to the point where he can fuck Nicole Ritchie and make tons of money just for playing CDs. Jesus Christ though — the attitude!! The little jewish bastid has to PUSH A FUCKING BUTTON and then music by other people comes out of a stereo! At press time, DJs can be 90% replaced by an iPod playlist, and hopefully in the near future as more advanced technologies become affordable, all DJs will starve. (p.s. Don’t you fags dare bend my words to make it sound like I’m dissing musical geniuses like the Invisibl
Skratch Piklz
)

2) Sampling – This pseudo-art makes shooting heroin and doing pushups look like composing The Rite of Spring. To make matters worse, sampling has the unique value-add of being able to ruin the original genius of the source material. It’s like music AIDS that songs can randomly catch after you know and love them.

Here are the top three worst sampling offenses of all time:

-Vanilla Ice stealing Bowie
-Puff Daddy or some other useless chapstick-wearing black person stealing Kashmir
-Kid Rock stealing Skynyrd and Zevon and putting them together to creating this frankenstein piece of shit which is literally the worst song I’ve ever heard including my mom’s moans as she was fucking my uncle with me in her womb.

Now to photography.

There’s a part of photography that I DO think is impressive:

a) Ansel Adams going to the north fucking pole and shit? Props. That shit is HARD. It’s cold and there are fucking BEARS and no food. Creds.

b) Niggas going into war zones and shit and taking shit like this and this without throwing up or getting killed? PROPS.

Now that that’s outta the way, let’s take a look at the other 99.99999% of photographers who take pictures like the following and have little girls like Anastasia rubbing their legs together like crickets over it:

for jerkoffs

Storm

sucks

photography

NY

You know what fucking genius photogapher took all this bullshit? No, not fucking Terry Bozzio or whoever photographed that other skinny Auchwitz bitch you fags were all beating off to; no. It was Terry Schivo, olava sholom: She took the photos 3 days before the feds put the bitch out to pasture.

Here’s how to be a photographer: If you follow these steps, you CANNOT fail at getting an art show at a shitty gallery in the city somewhere, and unless you have terrible breath you WILL get laid. If you can’t follow these steps, you will be a BAD PHOTOGRAPHER which is like being bad at using a microwave oven and you should then literally go play penuckle with my grandfather at The Home. You will be in great company, as he too is a BAD MICROWAVER.

INSTRUCTIONS:

1) Make sure you have a LOT OF FUCKING NATURAL LIGHT.

2) Make sure the natural light SOURCE is behind you

3) Make sure the flash on your camera is OFF. If you need a FLASH, it means you don’t have enough NATURAL LIGHT. (step 1)

4) Look through the viewfinder: Make sure that everything in your shot is symmetrical. If a tiny bit of it isn’t, like a bird or a queer walking down the street, that’s OK because it makes the photo “cool.” Go watch every Stanley Kubrick movie ever made if you don’t understand this. (Study Alex’s fake eyelash as the archetypal stylistic symmetry violator)

5) Take pictures of everyday shit from stupid angles but make sure it’s all SYMMETRICAL and that it isn’t MOVING.

6) Make sure YOU don’t move or have your fat black fingers in front of the lens when you push the button. (priceless tip: push the button down halfway, wait for a clicky sound, and then push it all the way in – this is the BIG photography secret that professionals don’t want you to know.)

7) Take TONS of photos of the same thing and then only use the good ones where the bird or the queer wasn’t blinking.

You’re done. You’re a fucking photographer. See how easy that is? That’s because it’s for JERKOFFS.

Here’s some evidence that what I’m saying is true: Ask yourself this: Why was every picture taken on 9-11 (all taken by totally random shmoes) better than any other photograph you’ve ever seen? It’s because photography is Auto-Pilot Jizzcock. If you are taking pictures of something that’s FUCKING INCREDIBLE, your photograph will then be better than the best picture that the best photographer can take of a piece of dogshit.

For example: Imagine you had a real picture of GOD or a UFO or Barak Obama fucking Osama Bin Laden in his anteater ass? If you just happened to be lucky enough to see one of those things and have a camera with you, you would instantly be known as the best photographer of all time.

You could never in a million years say the same thing about a real art: Let’s say you saw GOD or a UFO and then WROTE about it. Your writing would still suck shit and be way worse than James Joyce or Jim Goad’s killer works. That’s because writing is a real art that you can’t just push a button and have a machine do for you.
To recap: VAN GOGH’s oil painting of dogshit is better than your oil painting of GOD!!! The same is not true of photographs.

Okay, one last thing. In case you do decide to take photographs, the least you can do is to try to be truly creative and utilitarian, and I can help. Here is my current project which I need someone with bigger balls than me to help with:

My new jam is taking pictures of white girls’ hands on the subway while they hold onto the metal train poles. Here’s why: As you might know, I’m mad into handjobs from white chicks. So, my plan is to take these pictures and then photoshop dicks into their hands instead of the poles so that it looks like real girls giving handjobs on the train. Even typing that much is giving me a semi-lobber.

Here’s what I have so far:

hands

Again

Photoshopping is a bit hard but I plan to download some clip art called the “handcock megapack,” which is a series of dicks with little hand-and-knuckle shapes cut out as a transparencies – it’s supposedly used for exactly this purpose.

Here’s my problem: I have to use my shitty little phone cam to take these subway flix cause I’m too scared of getting busted to use a real camera. If you are a real photographer you should be ballsy enough to take these pictures yourself AND know how to photoshop dicks in for me. I prefer ones with nailpolish and manicures the most (hands not the dicks) so if you can help me out with any part of this, you know where to find me.

Take care,
Blognigger.


Comments
  1. Auto-Pilot Jizzcock says:

    Epic prank, epic post. Fuck you.

  2. cunte$$a and mulatto says:

    we totally knew it.

  3. roger moore says:

    hhahhahahahaaha handcock megapack!

  4. Auto-Pilot Spell Check says:

    You misspelled shit that won’t show up in a check like piklz

  5. whiners suck says:

    This post not an abomination so after your last one I am impressed. I agree with your argument and have made it myself from time to time. That being said, I have already begun framing a bunch of photos I took to give my family as Christmas presents. I’m poor.

  6. socrates says:

    i don’t buy that “could have done it” shit. don’t you see it could also be said about yourself? that kind of argument kills creativity and sincere works. and i can’t have that. but i must say you have a real talent.

  7. regis says:

    “literally the worst song I’ve ever heard including my mom’s moans as she was fucking my uncle with me in her womb.”
    now that’s Italian!

  8. Vane$$a says:

    What kind of prank is that? This cunt is so obvious in everything he does, whether it’s being a white dude in cyber black face or writing a million responses to his own posts. We’re in fuckin jr. high, man. Do you people pass notes to each other in the hallways?

  9. Beefy McManstick says:

    Here’s another example: Weegee

    Weegee was a badass photographer not because he was that technically amazing, but because he would wander around seedy places with a camera and take pictures of bums bleeding from their heads and shit.

  10. campcore says:

    so was that last black dude really bn? if so fuckin sweet cuz the slanty question mark joke was genius and i didn’t feel like crediting another negroe with genius status if i didn’t have to.
    btw ? if you roll your knuckle across the shift and onto the question mark key it can totally be done ???????

  11. campcore says:

    p to the ess vane$$a….you suck

  12. nervous gender says:

    I can’t believe so many people bought the sidewinder shit people are really disappointing

  13. miss appalachian says:

    we are all our own inner photographer in a sea of photographic content. let us ponder and swirl around in our creative juices. just seek out the natural light.
    swim in your own creations. sew your own swim cap. we are all photographers.

    namaste

  14. nervous gender says:

    God bless you for writing this.

  15. Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles says:

    Oh Blog Nigger, you irreverent scamp!

  16. Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles says:

    Also: I haven’t thought about ISP in a coon’s age. I’m going to go put on some Mix Master Mike right now and pretend it’s ten years ago.

  17. vm says:

    Jeez. this is terrible

  18. Chachi and the MS-13s says:

    No, Vanes$$a — Geewiz.

  19. the foOl says:

    edits:

    Queen feat. Bowie on Under Pressure

    also, so that people don’t get you twisted on the Piklz thing, there is a distinction between being a turntablist and a DJ. Vin Roc = talented turntablist. Tiesto = shitty producer/DJ.

    also, what you’re referring to in ‘sampling’ I believe is more accurately called ‘wholesale sampling’ where its basically the autojizzcock’n shit you’ve mentioned. very different from sampling done by, like Shadow or RJD2 or Go!Team for example.

    Great post as per usual.

  20. Her? says:

    Genius. You are a fucking genius. Photography these days is about having pretty friends with interesting hair cuts that do drugs and get naked. Real worship should be given to conflict photographers

  21. Ugly says:

    Or Dilla

  22. bearded fuckbitch says:

    “To recap: VAN GOGH’s oil painting of dogshit is better than your oil painting of GOD!!! The same is not true of photographs.”

    PRICELESS – for everything else there’s masturbcard

  23. Chad Allan says:

    to the poster above me: kill yourself now you worthless fuckstick

  24. Chad Allen says:

    Shit, please disregard that. I love dicks!!!

  25. so awesome says:

    I love you blognigger.

  26. tim says:

    you’re right, but this is just a genre of photography you’re talking about. an annoyingly pervasive and ever validated genre, but a genre nonetheless. there actually is plenty of photography out there that takes some amount of skill. but being a photographer i have to admit it’s not much, i think it would be a lot harder to be a professional welder or probably most tradesmen.

    terry is among the worst of the snapshot guys. but he got famous for pretty much the same reason as the war photographers: huge balls. he asks people to do really stupid/gross shit and puts up pictures of him fucking nasty models as art. it’s easy, but he did it first so now you can’t. and he actually is hung like a fuckin horse.

  27. Chachi and the MS-13s says:

    Chad Allan? Like the guy from Dr. Quinn?

  28. Taeil says:

    If I took a picture of blognigger, I would be the greatest photographer ever.

  29. Cunty McStevens says:

    Hooray! Glad to see BN didn’t quit – good for you fellas.

    This is quality shit. Much better than what’s on the onion. This site gets better and better – you guys are starting to GEL nohomo

  30. yourmomsyourdad says:

    You just wrote the “every one’s a photographer” opinion piece again. really?. Fucking weak.

  31. anonymous says:

    yum – i’ll tell you what… white girl painted fingernails = fapfapfapfapfap

  32. Street Boning says:

    Blognigger should not be on Streetboners. It’s turning me off to the site Gavin. He’s funny and gets you a lot of site hits from his corny fans, but it’s really not the kind of crowd us hipsters want to be associated with. He’s too much of a nerd. I mean, Inv. Scratch Piklz? Really? He shows his age with these references and is way too critical of the Williamsburg scene to ever be accepted there. We want commentary from young cool kids w/ raw writing talent. Not some rambling geek w/ polished grammar.

    P.S. BN- I like you man. I’ll even visit your site when I finish checking the sites I like. But, captain volume, turn it down a notch!

  33. Roger Moore says:

    speak for yourself fucksnot. bn is hilarious and brilliant and he may be old – but the last 3 paragraphs of this post are edgier than anything I’ve seen anywhere else on the site.

    maybe you should stick to listening to the Virgins on GavinRadio.com?

  34. uhh.. says:

    terry fucking bozzio!! haha..best part of the post by far..

  35. Interpuss says:

    I call BS on Street Boning:

    “us hipsters??” – yeah ok…

    sounds like a NARC / Vice plant trying to hire blognigger away to their shitrag

  36. Anonymous says:

    hmm, good point interpuss…

    …and How exactly would you know that blognigger brings hits to this site?
    Perahps a disgruntled sb staffer??

  37. BadTeethComics says:

    The reason why this is weaksauce is because this is that Sidewinder fool, not Blognigger.. Bad article 2/10

  38. Dr. Warmstone says:

    Mang, this dude ain’t got no stink-king ballssss.

  39. Nignonymous says:

    “…and How exactly would you know that blognigger brings hits to this site?
    Perahps a disgruntled sb staffer??”

    Brilliant analysis.

    Check out alexa.com and see which site gets a ton more traffic.

  40. streetboning imitation says:

    man, fuck blognigger Gavin –

    he’s all FUNNY and shit, with his GOOD grammar and shit. fuck that funny, literate fag. more jezebel posts!

  41. PussyDrinker says:

    hahahahahah

  42. regis says:

    You are all crazy. I think BN and SC are a match made in heaven. Like Chocolate and Penis Butter.

  43. corey lahey says:

    go on with your coagulating half cheeseburger ass bobandy, peanut butta and jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammm

  44. buttcunt says:

    goddam BN you peaked early and got played out fast! you suck already!
    bring in the next guy. im going to go cook sausages.

  45. STLPhotoHo says:

    Is this not cynical? I’m confused.

    With the exception of Mr. Adams and reportage photographers, are you referring to amateur, novice, pro, or all photographers in general? If not, take the following statements with a grain of salt. If so, I would like for you to whole-heartedly take in everything that I’m about to say:

    Dude, I like you – NOHOMO. You entertain me – NOHOMO, but I just decided that you’re a hater-bitch!

    I’m a commercial/advertising photographer and I make a nice amount of money. It definitely beats the days of stocking shelves, changing tires, or slipping shoes onto the bitch-ass feet of people like you. You should be happy that photogs like me are working. Or would you rather for us to be waiting for you outside of IKEA??? NOGANGSTA

    Imagine your favorite White girl, you know, the one that gets you stiffer than Heath Ledger – the one that would make you cream your pants if you saw her coming out of the American Apparel store in SOHO. Yeah nigga, her. Now imagine that you’re a photographer and you’re on set and you have 15 minutes to take a stunning photograph of this chick that’ll be used for a billboard in Times Square. You’re surrounded by clients, art directors, creative directors, project managers, stylists, producers, assistants, and interns volunteering a million different bullshit suggestions from every direction. The immediate future of your career depends on this shoot. Could YOU pull it off?…..WWBND?…….NIGGA PLEASE, your Star Trek Deep Space Nine-ass would nut-up so fast it’s re-damn-diculous.

    Lastly, you’re still cool with me though. I’ve got nothing but love for your cynical, borderline-sociopath-bitch-ass. But I HAD to leave a comment when you knocked my hustle. FUCK YOU!

    Black President!

  46. roland says:

    dj am is actually a pretty good dj from a technical perspective. he ain’t like steve aoki or whatever

  47. STLPhotoHo... says:

    is the lamest person on earth. How could you possibly take being a photographer (!) so seriously. You think you’re cool or talented or hardworking cuz you please rich homos?

  48. STLPhotoHo... says:

    does blognigger do anything other than complain? your like the al qaeda number two guy.

  49. STLPhotoHo... says:

    Dude, I call myself “PHOTO HO”. Exactly how serious do you think that I take myself.

    You’re right man, I am lame. I’m so lame that I make my own schedule. I’m so lame that I’ve made a career for myself. I’m so lame that I do what I honestly love for a living. I’m so lame that I get to travel across these beautiful United States and press my little button and let my little Canon machine do all of the work. I’m so lame that I sit in front of my 30″ Apple Cinema display for hours and retouch images for advertisements that appear in your “so-not-mainstream” Vice magazine. I’m so lame that I can actually call what I do work. I’m so lame that I can afford to take time off to teach a digital photography class at a camp retreat for teenagers with HIV and AIDS. Damn, I hate myself.

    I could give a fuck about celebrity. My business is all about making internet gangsters like you not feel like a complete loser when you go out and spend 30 of your last $60 to buy a Affliction t-shirt or those $40 pair of Chuck Taylors that just scream “individual, cool-kid, HIPSTER”. You PBR-drinking motherfucker. I love you – sincerely. You’re the type of person that insures that no matter how bad this economy gets, my lame-ass will still get work. WHY? Because ad agencies love to target individuals like YOU. I think that makes you more lame than me – Judges? Agreed! SHIT, that sucks! You were better off calling me an opportunist. That would’ve been more accurate.

    So tomorrow I hope you don’t get caught rubbing it off in your cubicle at your day job. Later that evening I would greatly appreciate it if you don’t forget to put the damn 3 Splendas in my venti latte. Don’t forget your apron and name tag – you bitter bitch.

    Cmon my witty, cynical, New Yorker-friend, come harder – no homo. Don’t let this lame, shit-kickin, flannel shirt, overalls wearing, tahbaka chewin’, Midwest nigga deliver the final blow. You guys are supposed to be more insightful than us. COME HARDER – no homo.

    I’ll eat your children! – Mike Tyson

  50. Camacleez says:

    Photo is hard. Take every movie you’ve ever seen from Depalma, to Tarantino, to Scorcese, and there you have good photos that not any idiot could do. Also, try using an SLR instead of some digital horseshit and see if you can get the exposure you want, I’m telling you it takes a mind capable of breaking down alchemy.

    90% of deejays do suck. But Invisibl Scratch Picklz are washed up as fuck. 10% of deejays really are worth their weight in gold because radio and internet radio don’t do a good enough job of finding out of the way shit that you will have never heard before.

    Most photography sucks and hasn’t reached it’s potential. It’s a newer art form, only 150 years. Most of the art form is just setting the scene (mise en scene) But photographers will get better. It’s just as hard as writing, nigger.

  51. ak says:

    terry bozzio – fucking genius

    there is some landscape and nature photography that is genuinely good and really hard to acheive as well, technically and artistically, since it is basically a study f light and length (is that the right word?), and takes a lot of patience, but I agree that its basically like painting for those who lack the skill. I also agree that the whole mundane-shit-shot-from-a-funny-angle-and slightly-overexposed has got to stop

  52. The Judge says:

    some of you are either very spoiled or pissed off that BN dissed Hipsters Movement.

    a) This post is fucking hilarious (Show me a better sc post this week?)
    b) The Sidewinder post, in context, is fucking hilarious (go back and read it again knowing it’s bn in drag)
    c) to this kid : “Gavin this is turning me off to the site” : BAWWWWW boo hoooo you faggot
    d) STLT Photo Ho – gotsta agree with your 4:54 am spot… spot on!

    full point bn, full point SC
    peace

  53. T-Cell Thompson says:

    “I’m so lame that I can afford to take time off to teach a digital photography class at a camp retreat for teenagers with HIV and AIDS.”

    Can anyone say, “FUN TIME!” ?

  54. srsly says:

    “James Joyce or Jim Goad’s killer works”

    this man is a comedy genius- I mean, who the hell wants to read Ulysses y’know?

  55. Chachi and the MS-13s says:

    I think he does more than complain — he gave out advice.

  56. Semen stained mountain top says:

    Street Boning stop leaving comments.
    It’s fucking embarrassing.

    “us hipsters” …? “captain volume” …?

    Christ, what a whiny pretentious bitch.

  57. Grimace says:

    yeah rlly streetborer…

    “wahhh I don’t like this post…sob…
    Gavin help me read!!!”

  58. STLPhotoHo... says:

    proves once again how lame he is by taking the time to write an enormous comment about how much he loves his job. And judging from your super dramatic description of what it’s like to have to, um, snap the button in front of a bunch of fashion zombies strongly suggests that you take yourself very seriously. There is definitely some truth in what BN wrote, and you should learn to live with it, or even see the humor in it (imagine that).

  59. Blasé says:

    Reading this has left me cynical about being cynical

  60. galleryboners says:

    So what your saying is someone who paints a shit painting is better than someone who takes a shit photograph. The way I see it at least the rubbish photographer gets to spend more time boning chicks at his sub par gallery openings, instead of spending hours in front of the canvas to his soul.

  61. Pale Blue Thighs says:

    Photography is difficult, but doesn’t need to be hard.
    Writing is both difficult and hard.

    Blognigger hates because he struggles (alone, in front of a flickering screen, crying hot tears of exhaustion) to achieve greatness, whereas Nobuyoshi Araki gets to make history while having the best day of his life.

    That said, Photoho is full of shit, and taking pictures of violence or tens is like whalehunting at Seaworld.
    Failing to catch anything remotely interesting calls for the microwaveably-challenged. It’s like Jean Luc Godard stated: the only things a movie needs is girls holding guns. People who get to be photographers (as well as deejays) tend to succeed for reasons other than their ability to find interesting pictures. There is no group in society that is more consistently attractive, upper class or related to magazine editors.

    Photography just isn’t competitive. Being the greatest fashion photographer in the world just means that you are better than the other 600 patricians that share your interest, In comparison, being the worlds greatest basketball player means that you are better than 700 million desperate kids. This is why photographers constantly whine about why they matter, whereas an NBA-player just spits “I am the greatest”.

    A lot of people have have a basic writing ability as well. Blognigger is part of a competitive business. The only bitter part about writing is that, to most people, it a distant second choice to being a musician, an artist or an athlete.

    Photographers whine because they know that they are where they are because of privilege.
    Writers whine because they would like to be something cooler. (not that there is anything cooler than writing, but most people don’t realize that… hence the bitterness)

  62. Carmen says:

    @pale bluetheighs

    Your response is terrible.

  63. […] “Here’s how to be a photographer: If you follow these steps, you CANNOT fail at getting an art show at a shitty gallery in the city somewhere, and unless you have terrible breath you WILL get laid. If you can’t follow these steps, you will be a BAD PHOTOGRAPHER which is like being bad at using a microwave oven and you should then literally go play penuckle with my grandfather at The Home. You will be in great company, as he too is a BAD MICROWAVER.”STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE » PHOTOGRAPHY IS FOR JERKOFFS […]

  64. […] (From a STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE post about how photography is for […]

  65. Mike Panic says:

    I’m now a fan.

  66. timmy_the_tooth says:

    Your mom is for jerkoffs.

  67. […] STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE » PHOTOGRAPHY IS FOR JERKOFFS "You could never in a million years say the same thing about a real art: Let’s say you saw GOD or a UFO and then WROTE about it. Your writing would still suck shit and be way worse than James Joyce or Jim Goad’s killer works. That’s because writing is a real art that you can’t just push a button and have a machine do for you. To recap: VAN GOGH’s oil painting of dogshit is better than your oil painting of GOD!!! The same is not true of photographs." Laughed and laughed and laughed. (tags: photography funny) […]

  68. […] STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE » PHOTOGRAPHY IS FOR JERKOFFS. […]

  69. Brian De Palma says:

    Yeah, you have a real talent.

    If retardation is a talent, then you my son have it in spades.

    You’d cockblock a fuckin’ virgin. You’re the sort of man who’d fuck another man up the ass and not have the common decency to give him a reach around.

    What you don’t know about photography could just about fit into the grand fuckin’ canyon.

    To make everything even worse than the shit sandwich you’ve posted here, you can’t write worth a crap either. If you’re trying (and I do mean trying, ’cause you sure as hell ain’t succeeding) to be satirical and ironic then you’ve missed the mark by several thousand miles.

    Twat.

  70. Pale blue thighs says:

    @Carmen:

    You are right. My response was terrible, and I’m ashamed.
    Perhaps I should try to explain it, but really, excuses are pointless.
    I’m sorry you had to read it.

  71. […] STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE » PHOTOGRAPHY IS FOR JERKOFFS "You could never in a million years say the same thing about a real art: Let’s say you saw GOD or a UFO and then WROTE about it. Your writing would still suck shit and be way worse than James Joyce or Jim Goad’s killer works. That’s because writing is a real art that you can’t just push a button and have a machine do for you. To recap: VAN GOGH’s oil painting of dogshit is better than your oil painting of GOD!!! The same is not true of photographs." Laughed and laughed and laughed. (tags: photography funny) […]

  72. God says:

    Dear Madam,

    This blog is art. Seriously.

  73. Glenn Harris says:

    I enjoy taking photographs. I enjoy having people tell me I take great photographs. I enjoy seeing my photographs featured prominently on a number of web sites. But, most of all, I enjoy not being you.

  74. […] Kottke.  Photography is for Jerkoffs funny but definitely not safe for […]

  75. googler says:

    “What you don’t know about photography could just about fit into the grand fuckin’ canyon.”

    yeah BN you are only interesting when you write about stuff you know about !!! you didn’t make a valid point here at all- taking photos is easy, taking interesting photos well that is fucking hard.

    it is not anyone’s fault that you are not interested in photography, if you were you probably would have something interesting to say about it !

  76. googler says:

    and fuck just imagine how boring this world would be without pictures, or this site for that matter !

  77. PENILE IMPLANT says:

    I WILL INJECT MY HOT STIFFNESS. MR BLUSTICK WILL BE THERE AND WILL BE BETTER THAN YOU

  78. Rubber Vag says:

    Penile Implant please come home.

  79. Wallaby says:

    Wow, well this shows how much people seem to actually know about taking pictures. yeah with automatic cameras that you don’t actually have a seperate lens for and does all the focusing and aperture itself, that is lazy. But the mark of a good photographer isn’t that black a white. The best photographers don’t limit themselves to “lots of natural light.” they make many many film stocks depending on the situation. Night photography is very common, and having the sun directly on the subject is quite boring. It’s actually best to have it from every other direction. I feel like some dumb fool is trying to tell me something that he has no understanding of. When you can tell me how much light loss there is between an f. 3.5 and an f. 8 then maybe I’ll respect you a little more. And no, a real photographer can use flash, personally I prefer it in black and white so it doesn’t overexpose anything too close by, and if it does it doesn’t make it look like one of those awful instant cameras, which I’m gonna guess is somewhere in the neighborhood of what you use. That or some little pocket digital camera that you can cheaply whip out. Have you ever even used a photo-enlarger or had to remove a roll of film from a camera and place it on a film roll and can it in complete darkness using only your sense of touch? Yeah, I thought not.

    Try harder.

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