Posted by
Jim Goad
• 11.06.13 12:00 pm


This is a picture of me looking happy as a hermaphrodite clam shortly after receiving a colonoscopy this morning.

My old man died of colon cancer at 59, and since it’s highly hereditary, I have to allow them to inspect my Poop Chute every five years.

I wrote a few years ago about the marvelous, personality-enhancing effects of the anesthetic Propofol, the drug that killed Michael Jackson.

They shot me up with a creamy syringe of the sweet nectar again this morning. As the nurse pressed the plunger, she told me I’d be unconscious in 3-5 seconds. I vowed to stay awake longer than that, but I was out before the plunger hit bottom.

I awoke to be informed that my colon is as slick and blemish-free as an Olympic luge track, whereupon I hugged the nurse. I never hug anyone.

I also took three short videos of me “under the influence” and am still too high to figure out how to compress them and post them here, so I’ll link to them instead.

Propofol High #1

Propofol High #2

Propofol High #3

Seriously, someone needs to figure out a way to market this drug for the street. There would be no more racism, no more sexism, and no more war.

(In case you were wondering about my outfit, I’m a cold-weather faggot and have decided to dress Russian for this coming winter. Even the hospital room was way too fucking cold for me. We all have our weaknesses, and sensitivity to even the mildest chill is traumatizing for me. Once it gets under 40, I’m screaming so loud you’d think I have a Tumblr blog.)

 

—JIM GOAD


Comments
  1. puggles says:

    jim goad: wears furry hat, wins olympics. its like they put you under and you awoke as a sassy frenchman.

  2. Anonymous says:

    had colo/endo last year. was told i awakened and immediately started crying and telling the doctor that i loved him. the good news is that my ass, throat and tummy looked a-okay. like the hat.

  3. Ecgtheow says:

    Congrats.

  4. HOMELESS CARTOONIST says:

    I still love you. I can’t lie.

  5. Leaving A Reply says:

    So wait, are you saying you have a winter tumblr blog? Actually I like these separate videophone snips. You should do 100 from morning to night like this where you do little things and each snip is dramatized by the fact that it leads to the next. “Okay, I gotta go catch the bus now. It’s going to be a long ride!”…”Alright, I’m in the line to get my ticket now.” …”Damn! The bus is going to be two hours late, I might as well read my book”….”So I’m reading this book and I would like to read this passage out loud.”……..”On the bus now. Only 20hours to go!”…”The kids behind me are fucking idiots, I don’t know how long I can take this shit.” …..

  6. Teehee. says:

    You have a surprisingly pleasant voice and your teeth haunt my dreams.

  7. pantagruel says:

    I wish I was man enough to show my face and use my real name, but then you’d all laugh.

  8. Mealium says:

    I understand Jim’s contempt for those of us posting under pseudonyms – I assume he’s edited Pantagruel’s original comment (although my name actually is Mealium; it’s like Prince or Cher) – but his experiences of having been stalked by a bi-polar ex-marine, receiving regular unsolicited correspondence from a head injury sufferer, and doing jail time after meeting his ex-wife through his writing, make me quite happy to stay cowardly.

  9. […] Goad, after receiving a colonoscopy the other day and receiving the anesthetic Propofol: “They shot me up with a creamy syringe of the sweet nectar again this morning. As the nurse […]

  10. Ed Cefala says:

    I was just thinking about Jim Goad’s colon, again This is so weird.

  11. Ed Cefala says:

    Strange actual coinky-dink, shrouded in smarm. It would suck if he got sick.

  12. The Help says:

    RE: Your latest tweet, Jim; most of us would much prefer an urban parking lot. You ever try scoring drugs in a tranquil meadow?

  13. […] Originally publiushed at StreetCarnage.com. […]

  14. […] Originally published at StreetCarnage.com. […]

  15. faghag3 says:

    I like very much the propofol, which I received prior to my hemorrhoid surgery.I instantly understood why Michael needed it so much, its like a warm hug of painlessness.


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