Posted by
Brendan Donnelly
• 01.15.13 01:00 am


There’s nothing I hate more than “performance art comedy troupes,” especially here in New York City.

What’s worse is when their “wacky” impromptu skits and performances catch on to the “norms,” i.e. college students living in the city, who now have a green card to be goofy for a day.

The one performance that I personally find the most obnoxious (aside from that SantaCon garbage) are these dickheads who take part in the “No Pants Subway Ride” day each year. I was hoping that this year one of the “performers” would have gotten raped by a schizo bum with AIDS and herpes, forever ending this type of performance in NYC so that subways can go back to being the underground tombs of danger they once were and not a carefree frat party. I’m trying to ride the subway just like every other miserable person in this city to go to some miserable place, so the last thing I want to see is some grad-school dude in his 30s having fun in his Elmo boxers laughing with his friends while participating in a “movement” he’ll tell his kids about one day.

As a blue-ribbon pervert and creep, you’d think I’d love this day since a majority of my subway rides are spent watching girls’ boobs and asses bounce to the movement of the train car, but no, the girls “performing” in these troops are the same ones to call you a creep and a pervert for staring at them in panties. These are also the same type of girls who take their One Day Slutty Outfit Free Pass—Halloween—and whore it up as much as possible, then get angry and go home alone when a guy compliments them at a party.

Being in your underwear in the subway is no big fucking deal. I’ve been pantless in my underwear on a subway plenty of times over my years in NYC, but usually it was on a random night on a bunch of drugs while full of alcohol, and I didn’t give a shit. It’s called being in college and wasted, not performance art. Thanks to NYC becoming the safest little college town in the world, this stuff can take place and news media will get their kicks covering it.

 

—BRENDAN DONNELLY

 


Comments
  1. Bucktownie says:

    Things like this make think that New York is like being in a room with post-contrite Mike Tyson nowadays, people are way too comfortable than they have any business being in both now.

  2. pantagruel says:

    other people having fun without your permission is THE WORST

  3. jim says:

    PREACH!!!!
    I want them all to pile onto an ‘empty’ car and just when the doors close they realize they’re sharing it with the urine soaked lump of waste at the far end – and the doors between the cars are locked.

  4. aesk47 says:

    I miss the old New York! :-(

  5. raymi says:

    tan those fuckin things

  6. George Eliot says:

    The expression on the old Asian dude’s face says, “This is the first time since I moved to America that I really wish I could speak English.”

  7. fagnonymous says:

    read this twice and still can’t figure out what’s crawled up your butt and died. it’s one subway ride a year where things are slightly out of the ordinary.

  8. Chapter After says:

    This is the sort of thing you’re supposed to do once because it’s a fun prank. Once everyone’s in on the joke, there’s no point anymore because the WTF-factor is all used up.

  9. […] Writer at Street Boners and TV Carnage speaks out against “performance art comedy troupes” like the No Pants Subway Ride: As a […]

  10. Miguel says:

    Pointless and retarded. Thanks Millennials.

  11. LS says:

    ATTENTION WHORING IS SO GAY


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