Posted by
Jesse Andrew
• 06.08.12 09:00 am


“Quickies” present major problems for guys with foreskins.

A quickie is a very spontaneous fuck session with next to zero foreplay and basically cramming your dick in dry. These sessions are spectacular in my eyes because of how hard it is to finally get it in and how amazing it feels when you eventually break through into the warm wet insides of her pussy. Those first three, full wet pumps, feel better than payday times a million.

The only issue is foreskin because when yanking back a dude’s turtleneck too far, that shit hurts worse than finding out you’re adopted. It pulls back too fucking hard and leaves your dick sore for a day. Granted my girlfriend has a pussy so tight she can use it to pussy-fart secret messages to dolphins, but I’ve experienced this same problem with other looser women. And I get it, you’re probably thinking “Dude, just spit on it dumbass!” but I have a hangup with that.

So where is the answer?

I currently have a sore dick from this dry-pussy/quickie shit, and for the second time in my life I’ve considering being circumcised. (I once zipped my foreskin up in my shorts in the 7th grade and cried harder than my older sister giving up the poon for the first time.) Naturally, the dude clipped her ass the next day.

I’ve flirted with the idea of having my dick cut, but from the information I can gather circumcision is bullshit. That tip being tossed in the trash can is the most sensitive part of the show and to chop it off means sex doesn’t feel as good. Think about that! I don’t know about you, but when I have sex it feels like Mother Mary is gargling the tip of my dick in puppy juice. What is puppy juice? Only the most innocent feeling of happiness, duh. If I could find a way to bottle this shit up and sell it there would be no such thing as depression.

So why would I want to fuck with that? I’ve heard women claim that uncut cocks are wack, but I have trouble believing that because every woman I’ve been with has happily stuffed my foreskin down their throat. I’ve read having your shit cut reduces the chances of being infected with STDs, but that’s what condoms are for. Cleanliness is also discussed, but come on dude, if one doesn’t know how to bathe themselves they shouldn’t own reproductive organs period. I can’t find a single health benefit to having my dick nipped, so why would I do it? To make sex less enjoyable? Are you out of your fucking mind?!

—JESSE ANDREW


Comments
  1. peterpaul says:

    With less sensitivity you might, just might, improve your stamina?

  2. No Fun says:

    you can also improve your stamina by smoking a joint beforehand

  3. kittikat says:

    please cut it, looks sooo pretty.

  4. Buahahah. says:

    YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THE BROTHERHOOD.

  5. str8 bro says:

    you don’t have to get it cut off completely, you can get an operation that makes the skin go back further without the pain, frenuloplasty or a dorsal slit

  6. BillyAIDSvirus says:

    maybe the end of your foreskin is too tight? i don’t have this problem you speak of. when i was a teenager i reduced sensitivity by leaving it pulled back all the time, made showering a lot easier, jerking off still feels the same though. just get lube. you can also see your doctor about a steroid cream if you get irritated too frequently. don’t get it cut as an adult, you’ll have a weird looking scar and sex will never be the same, you’ll remember what you’re missing out on.

  7. fuck that says:

    don’t do it…u never need lotion, more sensitivity and I think women like it cuz it’s not the norm

  8. The Soopacracker says:

    Spit on your dick, faggot.

  9. Ray Bradbury says:

    Jesse, are you pulling back the foreskin BEFORE you jam it in? Do you also flush the toilet before you take a shit? The foreskin is its own lubesock but it doesn’t work if you pull it back first. Some girls need a dick-yanking lesson on uncut dicks, so here’s how it works. You don’t pull the foreskin back, expose the head, then keep pulling the foreskin back towards the base over and over. No. Instead, leave the foreskin where it is, grab the dick right at the middle, then PULL UP.

    Similarly (and it’s too bad I gotta explain this to a foreskin owner) but when you’re stuffing your dick in any tight, dry hole, you grab at the middle and push the foreskin forward as much as possible, then make entry. This way, only foreskin makes contact with the dry vaginal gateway. As you push in, foreskin slides against foreskin, like it’s supposed to, until your sensitive engorged glans makes contact with the much-more-forgiving mucus membrane of the vaginal canal. Get it?

    Don’t cut your foreskin off, Jesse. You know cold weather athletes without foreskins have little polar fleece hats that they put on their dick tips so they don’t get cold? Because they don’t have a foreskin to tighten up and protect the dick head from chilly winds? Not even joking, google “ThermaJock”. Sad as hell.

    Anyway, next time you’re in a fuck-rush you remember what I said, okay? Jam the foreskin all the way forward as you stick it in. You’ll thank me.

  10. cook says:

    is there a reedit ama about before and after adult circumcision. i would love to hear the post sensation stats as i’ve heard that it’s 6 times less sensitive (!) I love my foreskin

  11. cook says:

    ok here are the ama s :
    http://www.reddit.com/search?q=circumcision+ama&restrict_sr=off&sort=relevance

    i think u have to be insane to want to circumcised unless u have a rare condition like phimosis

  12. I’d just like to thank the late Ray Bradbury for his fine novels and also foreskin advice.

  13. Ray Bradbury’s ghost is spot on. Good article too.

  14. James says:

    I have foreskin, and trust me, quickies present no problem. You can just slide that fucker right in.

  15. Sai says:

    I don’t believe you, OP Your anecdotal BS, is very telling of a cut guy with foreskin envy.


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