Posted by
Denise
• 06.25.08 12:00 pm

I’m assuming that lots of guys read this site, so I’ve decided to put my vagina powers to good use, and teach you how to touch a pussy. Because you’re doing it wrong.

I’m assuming that lots of guys read this site, so I’ve decided to put my vagina powers to good use, and teach you how to touch a pussy. Because you’re doing it wrong.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that most of the guys I sleep with are like 22-year-old skaters who can barely get a job, let alone get a girl off. But I’m not so willing to give up on them because they’re hot, and they usually have that V-shaped thing right below their abdomens that points to their peens. Every girl likes that. Except for girls that like fatties.

WRONG:

  • Don’t look under the hood: It seems as though the dudes I do fuck who know their way around a vulva will try to impress me with their knowledge of the existence of clit hoods, so they’ll make a bee line for it, lift it up and start rubbing.
  • Initial tapping on the clit really hard, like you’re knocking on a door or something.
  • Over stimulation: What most guys don’t get is that most girls don’t even finger themselves when they masturbate. (And if they do that in front of you, it’s just for show.) For instance, I don’t know a single girl who plays with herself using a dildo. They use vibrators, and don’t bother much with penetration. Because clits have like a bajillion nerve endings, too much direct stimulation is a bad thing—like looking directly at the sun. For instance, I don’t even take my panties off when I use my Magic Wand.

RIGHT:

  • Pretend the clit is a dick: I know it sounds unappealing to hetero dudes, but clits really are just tiny dicks that shrunk down in utero once the sex got worked out.
  • Jerk it: This actually goes along with the whole “clit is a dick” thing. Swirly rubbing isn’t really the trick at all. You want to grab the whole pussy, by the labia—like Nina Hartley is doing to Sunny Lane in that image up there—and move it like you would your own dick when your jerking off.

Here, watch this. She says it all.


Comments
  1. Clitoris says:

    SO. TRUE.

  2. queen elizabeth II says:

    we’re not amused- titillated, yes but not amused

  3. Texas says:

    Holy Shit, I can do something right!

  4. Dizzy Pee says:

    So my dick is just like a huge clit? Cool

  5. Bertram Settlemires says:

    You guys should work it out to where I can tell who’s writing these things.

  6. the guy over there says says:

    duly noted.

  7. clove is all you need says:

    i will never have sex again.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Tracie is that you?

  9. nerdy gerdy says:

    That old lady scares me….

  10. Dimmesdale says:

    People don’t believe me when I say dick size doesn’t matter, but this confirms exactly what I’ve been saying and proves that everyone else is full of shit which is what makes me happiest in life.

  11. LOL says:

    ISNT EVERYONE SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT?
    clitoral stimulation does nothing for some broads.

  12. denise says:

    i think the clitoral stimulation YOU are providing is doing nothing. either that or they were like mutilated down there.

  13. elephant man says:

    the only thing my wang provides to women, are, weak kidneys and infected bladders due to all the repeated poundings that they are made to endure, maybe i’ll try nina’s way for once

  14. Denise, I am falling in love with you says:

    More please!

  15. Annie says:

    Actually, all fetuses start out as girls and then the chromosomes kick in and decide the sex. So, the penis is just a large clit. Not the other way around. This also explains why men have nipples.

  16. bryan says:

    what if she has her clit pierced and 4 piercings on both sides of her labia major

  17. Anonymous says:

    just the thought of some clueless guy grabbing my labia and ‘jerking it’ as you so erotically put it is enough to make me wince…please, please stop misadvising poor clueless young men…

  18. bliss says:

    yeah how do you ‘jerk’ a clit?
    i know my clit pretty well and im even confused..
    just rub it right and be gentle!

  19. bliss says:

    oh but i do agree with you honey,
    being badly fingered is horrible as.

  20. POOKLES says:

    I don’t want anyone trying to jerk my clit with their hands. She’s too little and raw for that kind of gripping.

  21. Mandford not a man says:

    I gotta respectfully disagree about the fingering. I love penetration, and love getting fingered by myself and others. SO true: bad fingering is straight up bad. But sometimes after I get all worked up, alls I want is to get something all up in me. But again: when I’m alone, I only use one finger. So as to keep the pussy nice and toit. Ladies?

  22. normal girl says:

    I use a vibrator on my clit while i use a dildo to reach my g spot. By not using a dildo as well you are not learning how to have g spot orgasm which is better. Once you learn how it is easier to have during sex. Alot of times i use a vibrator or play with my clit during or before sex but can have orgasms without either if i am properly prepared.

  23. F Major says:

    Well… I’ve never actually done anything… But I
    use a dildo to mastrobate. Why is that bad?

  24. Anonymous says:

    Ok, next girl is going to get her pussy jerked lol.
    I’m guessing either a mind blowing ‘gasm or I’m going to get slapped :p

  25. boredd says:

    @ the first anonymous: LOL.. so true..

  26. simon says:

    ‘peens’ is, i’m guessing here – a word that you should never ever use again.

  27. just me says:

    I just don”t get it !

  28. ew says:

    disguuuuusting.vulgar!

  29. sax says:

    Insert a banana into your vagina feels grt!!!”:

  30. My guy was not ready to leave my pussy . 1 hr he was goon licking it . says:

    :p

  31. good says:

    yah you right I’ve been sleeping with Girls Because they know how to licking and
    touching my pussy :)

  32. simon says:

    licking pussy great what more luf it


Leave A Reply