Jezebel.com, as a laughing world knows, is a website where absurdly privileged white women go to pull out their tampons, spin them around, and splatter menstrual blood in the imaginary faces of “white privilege” and “rape culture.”
As anyone with a squeak of a squib of a speck of humor knows, people who seriously use phrases such as “white privilege” and “rape culture” were born without senses of humor, in the same way that many babies born in Mexican industrial border towns are born without brains.
Last year, Rolling Stone magazine named Sean Tejaratchi (it’s Persian and pronounced “tedge-uh-RAH-chee”) one of the “25 Funniest People on Twitter.” This is untrue, since he is indisputably the funniest person on Twitter, and this can be scientifically proved using the latest metrics developed by the Geneva Convention, the Helsinki Accord, and the Human Genome Project.
A few wee days ago, he posted the following on Twitter:
A person who calls himself “Gabriel Roth,” whom we’ll assume is a Jew in case he has a persecution complex that needs constant care and feeding, came back with this limp-dicked response:
And the howling homely harpies of Jezebel thought that was a brilliant comeback, a devastating takedown, consisting as it did of two bold scrawny fingers and a convivial thumb crammed into the three magical invisible bowling-ball holes of the patriarchy. Why, they even called Tejaratchi a “Dude Bro.”
“How,” you might ask, “could he ever recover from such a thorough public shaming?”
Here’s how. He wins. Forever. In this galaxy and all possible alternate universes.