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Street Carnage
• 04.30.13 10:00 am, as a laughing world knows, is a website where absurdly privileged white women go to pull out their tampons, spin them around, and splatter menstrual blood in the imaginary faces of “white privilege” and “rape culture.”

As anyone with a squeak of a squib of a speck of humor knows, people who seriously use phrases such as “white privilege” and “rape culture” were born without senses of humor, in the same way that many babies born in Mexican industrial border towns are born without brains.

Last year, Rolling Stone magazine named Sean Tejaratchi (it’s Persian and pronounced “tedge-uh-RAH-chee”) one of the “25 Funniest People on Twitter.” This is untrue, since he is indisputably the funniest person on Twitter, and this can be scientifically proved using the latest metrics developed by the Geneva Convention, the Helsinki Accord, and the Human Genome Project.

A few wee days ago, he posted the following on Twitter:

A person who calls himself “Gabriel Roth,” whom we’ll assume is a Jew in case he has a persecution complex that needs constant care and feeding, came back with this limp-dicked response:

And the howling homely harpies of Jezebel thought that was a brilliant comeback, a devastating takedown, consisting as it did of two bold scrawny fingers and a convivial thumb crammed into the three magical invisible bowling-ball holes of the patriarchy. Why, they even called Tejaratchi a “Dude Bro.”

“How,” you might ask, “could he ever recover from such a thorough public shaming?”

Here’s how. He wins. Forever. In this galaxy and all possible alternate universes.



  1. dood says:

    Can someone explain what’s going on here at the end?

  2. Jim Goad says:

    For fuck’s sake, I figured it was obvious. OK. Read slowly. Sean is a graphic designer. So he did a mockup of a Jezebel article that doesn’t exist in Jezebel reality. He’s lampooning the insane hypersensitivity of their writers and commenters.

  3. Dickhead says:

    Oh, I thought it was real too. Jezebel is that ridiculous. I left a comment one time lampooning micro-aggressionists, but they all just agreed with me.

  4. corey says:

    the fake screen names are great

    What Dickhead said!
    I seriously thought it was an honest Jezebel article complete w/ genuine comments. They’ve taken the “Gosnell IS THE VICTIM” angle while covering the Gosnell trial. Awful, awful evil cult priestesses of Molech.

  6. Andrew says:


  7. Baby Rik says:

    Isn’t using the word “Persian” like using the word “Prussian” nowadays? Talk about hyper-sensitivity.

  8. A Serbian Gigolo says:

    This website used to show tits n’ stuff. What happened to that?

  9. zbow says:

    I’ll admit I should have known it was fake at “Ive been diagnosed emotionally claustrophobic”

    I’m an idiot

  10. “Shit-Splattered Rape Carnival” sounds like an awesome name for a death metal band.

  11. Ecgtheow says:

    I remember once after I nailed a privileged white woman who was consumed with hatred of hate, she awoke early, bought me a coffee from the local shop, left a copy of the New York Times on my counter top and left before I woke up. I shoot’em on sight, now.

  12. Clovis says:

    That’s not satire so much as it’s dead-on impersonation.

  13. max says:

    Having spent the last 4 years on a university campus I too thought it was real.

  14. Mccaf says:

    this is soo money…and gabriel roth is an omega male

  15. Craig! says:

    To show solidarity with Sean T & ‘DTF…’, and to make sure it does not get misconstrued as a hate symbol, we should change all of our social media avatars to that Pokemon character.

  16. glak says:

    The best satire can be hard to distinguish from the thing it’s satirizing. This fooled me for more than a second (still finishing my coffee).

  17. Greg says:

    Poe’s Law strikes again!

  18. rapey mcraperson says:


  19. nits says:

    LasPudendasJrHigh? Classic.

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