Posted by
Street Carnage
• 11.22.17 11:43 pm

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I think it’s about time men went back to teaching their sons how to speak to ladies. Or, as you savages would put it “picking up chicks.” I’m sure it’s one of the most painfully awkward things to do for a father or son but I think it’s a fair punishment for all the sexual misconduct.

Before you all get upset and offended, we know it’s not every single one of you who are guilty but don’t you dare pretend like you’re not all disgusting creeps. Even the super sweet and quiet ones with glasses, who work at libraries, are creeps. Those guys can end up being even worse. They’ll be little angels at first but once they get comfortable and let their hair down, it gets pretty freaky. Like stomp on balls and use a black strap-on freaky. That’s only after you’ve started dating and to be perfectly honest, it’s not as bad as some of the other shit you guys like. What’s worse is dealing with that weird stuff when you’re not dating the guy.

I’m not going to lie, going home with a guy and then getting a strange request is usually entertaining. If it’s not too out there, I’ll give it a try, have a laugh about it later, and then never call him ever again. If it’s something really gnarly, I’ll get the hell out of there and warn the friends I like. Even if it were in the workplace and my boss came in my office completely nude, I’d give him a polite little “um, no thanks”, laugh my head off, then tell my work pals. But only my closest ones, who I don’t think secretly hate me. That all depends on the guy’s personality, too. When he’s not being a creep, of course. If the guy is an asshole, I’m going straight to HR or suing. If it happens twice, I’m quitting no matter what type of loser he is. The truly awful situation is when it’s someone you’re close to or, runs in your circle of friends.

Cutting off some weird stranger should never be a problem. Maybe Mother Teresa would have some trouble but that’s only if there were some money in it, for the poor. Anyone else should be able to tell a person without a name to fuck off. When it’s someone everyone else is friends with, it does get kind of difficult. That may sound petty or hypocritical but ‘friends’ do ultimately choose sides and when you lose all of them, because one did some creepy shit, it kind of sucks.

Hopefully there isn’t some jackass out there who reads this and gets the idea it’s alright to act like a creep to his female friends because we’re all worried about losing our friends or something stupid like that. If a guy is too meek or afraid to speak to a woman correctly, it does him no good to constantly wait till he’s too drunk and finally has the courage to make a pass that’s way over the top. Men don’t get laid by acting like the ugly guy on the bus from Road Trip. They get laid by following a good example and hopefully their father is the best one out there.

Setting an example isn’t good enough for fathers anymore. They need to teach their boys how to talk to women. It would be a lot more useful than teaching them how to fish, that’s for sure.

None of my boyfriends have ever gone fishing with friends and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a fishing pole in any guy’s apartment. I can’t count the number of imbeciles who don’t know what they’re doing when it comes to women but maybe if they’re fathers had given them some pointers they’d be ok.

I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who would like to think of this as a lead by example sort of thing. I don’t think parents or “young men” get that luxury anymore. It doesn’t matter how smart someone thinks their child is, they could be a boy genius, it doesn’t mean they’re perceptive enough to pick up on how daddy is treating mommy. There’s no phoning it in when it comes to making sure your little boy doesn’t become a disgusting perv or predator. It sure as shit doesn’t matter how awkward the whole ordeal is either. It couldn’t come close to all the awkward things we end up dealing with.

-NICHOLE GUNTERSLY

PS why is everyone shocked about Charlie Rose? That guy looked like a creepy asshole.


Comments
  1. Freshest! says:

    Not all guys are creeps. All my friends are pretty normal, I think.

    Is’t the whole sodomy (“anal” thing) that has creeped it’s way through porn who try to normalize it a bit weird. Not my thing, but hey people who are into it are welcome.

    Although a lot of prison experienced people and people with gay experiences may be into it because they want to normalize some experience they have had and are not totally comfortable with. Or they have small equipment and want women to feel “it” anywys.

    That being said, everyone has their way I am shure and I am not against people being kinky and all that.

  2. Ground Control To My Big Dong says:

    “Even the super sweet and quiet ones with glasses, who work at libraries, are creeps. Those guys can end up being even worse. They’ll be little angels at first but once they get comfortable and let their hair down, it gets pretty freaky. Like stomp on balls and use a black strap-on freaky.”

    These “dudes” need to go be gay. Not bisexual. Exclusively gay so they’re not spreading AIDS aka GRIDS, hepatitis, MRSA etc. to all the straight chicks. Yes, all of the really bad STD’s are gay related. Intravenous drug users too. Here’s a list to keep in mind when thinking about who’s most likely to come down with GRIDS, hepatitis and the like…

    1. Fags, “bisexual” men, male & female intravenous drug users who share needles with fags.

    2. Straight & bi women who knowingly or unknowingly fuck “bisexual” men (fags) and/or intravenous drug users.

    3. Straight men who engage in anal sex with a straight or bi woman who has fucked a “bisexual” man (fag), an intravenous drug user or is an intravenous drug user herself.

    4. Straight men who have vaginal sex with a straight or bi woman who has fucked a “bisexual” man (fag), an intravenous drug user or is an intravenous drug user herself. Still, it’s pretty damn hard to get the GRIDS this way.

    5. Straight men who have sex with straight women that don’t use intravenous drugs and haven’t engaged in previous sexual encounters with “bisexual” men (fags). It’s virtually impossible to come down with a case of the GRIDS this way.

    6. Dykes who exclusively munch on the carpets of other dykes. The only way someone is coming down with a case of GRIDS in this example is if one of the dykes gets raped by a guy with GRIDS or gets tainted blood during a transfusion.

  3. lunchin' says:

    eye am The Sphinx Whisperer


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