Posted by
Lasse Holmberg Josephsen
• 05.17.12 09:00 am

 

As if the mariachi music and diarrhea-inducing food aren’t bad enough, Mexicans also have to worry about losing their heads.

This month alone, 81 people have been found sans noggin on different places in Mexico. At the same time, a new gruesome decapitation video has found its way to the Internet, satisfying the sick souls who are tired of the last one.

Growing up, Mexico to me was cliff divers in Acapulco, Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass, and beautiful señoritas who giggle a lot.

Not anymore.

Not unless the cliff divers, Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass, and the señoritas have no heads, which  would pretty much ruin the whole thing.

It’s starting to look like the drug cartels aim to behead the whole damn nation. Soon you won’t be able to throw a rock in Mexico without hitting someone’s decapitated head. Imagine getting late for work because you had to remove heads from your car. Not fun.

While a lot of the victims are themselves gang members, and thus dying by the sword they live by, there’s also plenty of civilian casualties. Recently, the drug cartels have started murdering bloggers.

Sure, bloggers are annoying, but this is ridiculous!

Here in safe, penis-shaped Norway, I’m celebrating the 17th of May, our national Constitution day. I’ll celebrate my country, but most of all, I’ll celebrate the fact that I don’t live in fucking Mexico.

Thank you for not being Mexico, Norway.

—LASSE HOLMBERG JOSEPHSEN

 

 


Comments
  1. Sniffy says:

    Amen. Mexico is a dirt hole. I don’t understand why people vacation there. 9/10 get sick and everyone is trying to rip you off the whole time. Last time I was there I was at a bar that was charging us $5 for a Corona. I was like, “Dude, I buy these for $3 in the states.” Go to Thailand if you want to go to a third world country. It’s a lot nicer.

  2. Loverto says:

    You guys are getting paranoid reading only the bad news. Yes, violence is an issue but there are cities completely safe, rip off free and very nice to live in. For example: Cabo, I work in the tourism industry and let me tell you, most tourist leave Cabo loving it, so, just relax and don’t think about all the bad stuff, you are just hurting yourselves, think about all the fun, sun and coronas you are going to get. Peace and love.

  3. fresh from mex says:

    BREAKING NEWS
    hispanics are short and their dicks are even shorter.

  4. zoom says:

    I drove through the Yucatan in February and had to deal with everyone trying to rip me off and getting extorted by the police. Fuck Mexico.

  5. zoom says:

    Since when are you infringing on my free-speech rights to pretend my name is “zoom” and anonymously talk shit about real people without any real risk on my part? Wtf?


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