Well, y’all have finally gone and done it now. White people have finally ruined the one cool thing they got going for themselves. It is now abnormal as shit to see a dude riding down the street on a motorcycle and think “damn, that is one smooth motherfucker.”
I don’t know how the fuck y’all did it. It’s impressive, that’s for damn sure but motorcycles used to be the most badass ride ever. That shit went hand in hand with slicked back hair and leather jackets. Those things were reserved for motherfuckers who could make bitches cum with a wink of the eye and dudes shake with the sound of their voice. You basically had to be the Fonz to ride one. Now, you’ll see any ol’ looney toon riding one on their way to Loser Fest.
It’s not just that fools who have no business riding them don’t mind hoping on ’em. It’s like motorcycles have become the go to transportation option of the lame.
Don’t get me all mixed up, those hover boards and electric skateboards are some whack ass shit. But if you’re a dweeb one of them is on your “Must Have” list. If you’re a dork and you ain’t with the times, then you probably got a motorcycle.
I just have a hard time not stuttering whenever some fool slams his motorcycle helmet down on the bar or starts waving it around so people will notice he rides one. Not out of fear or jealousy, as it should be, but because I don’t know how to react when a mentally challenged adult is trying to act tough while dressed up in a space outfit. That’s the only way I can describe this new breed of motorcyclist. Why else would a motherfucker wear a helmet and dress head to toe in a padded leather jumpsuit with all sorts of goofy shit written on it?
I mean, I know some states require you to wear a helmet by law if you’re riding a motorcycle but there’s no reason you gotta flaunt your fucking helmet. And there sure as shit ain’t no reason anyone got to be wearing one of those goofy ass suits. What’s that shit gonna do, anyways? Prevent scrapes when you crash? Bitch, if you crash your motorcycle you dead. Or even worse, paralyzed. You’d be better off wearing Bermuda Shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. At least then you’d be more likely to die on impact and not live the rest of your life as a fucking cyborg. Plus, no one would think you were taking yourself too seriously. That’s the problem with these motherfuckers, they think they’re tough as shit.
It’s hard enough trying to take these fools seriously when they’re dressed like company sponsored space ninjas but the bros don’t even bother to cruise around on the cool ones. They’ll just hop on any two-wheeled pussy repellant. Why, because Kawasaki Crotch-Rockets go a little faster? That’s dumb as fuck. How you gonna pick up chicks when you blastin’ by them at 110 miles per hour?
Fools need to ride Harley’s if they don’t wanna look like fags. Even the homos who ride mopeds need to step their game up though. If dudes are going to be doing that shit, at least get a Vespa and dress like a Mod. That way we won’t all think we’re on vacation in Florida.