Posted by
• 12.13.12 10:59 am

On the way to work today I must have heard about seven different people talking about themselves. Don’t they realize how stupid they sound? 

Maybe it’s because I grew up as an only child but I don’t get this obsession people have with themselves. I hung out with myself for 14 years.  I’m done with me. I want to hear about you.

Half the time, when people ask me about myself, I rush through it really fast or even change the subject so we can start talking about what really matters, them. I guess conversation is important to me because I’m a writer so the way the English language is treated is pretty much all I care about. A copy editor’s job is boring to most but I’m the kind of guy who wants to sit down with him and ask him when to use a semi colon. That’s jut the kind of person I am.

I also love story telling and when someone’s good at it, I want to write down everything they say. That’s why it drives me so nuts when people talk about themselves. They’re wasting the English language and making a mockery of story telling. I’m the kind of person who gets outraged when somebody’s boring or self-centered. You know that track where Nicki Minaj is singing a love song to herself? I would never do that in a million years. It’s basically the least “me” thing I could possibly imagine.

Sometimes when someone’s talking, I’ll find myself wondering how I would tell the story differently. I think about how I’d have a way better “third act” and I’d take out all the parts where the guy’s talking about himself. When I catch myself doing that I can’t help but smile and think, “Classic Gav.”


  1. GK says:

    This just made my day.

  2. tw says:

    Great self parody. I hope, for my sake, that I got it. If not, then I need to do some self reflection so I can learn that I can become a better me.

  3. some guy on the internet says:

    only child. explains so much.

  4. raymi says:

    I heard so much talking about themselves people yesterday too ughhhh selfish

  5. angryal says:

    This just blew my mind.

  6. Teenagers on the subway listing what they drank the night before.

    Women talking about how things make them feel as if that is more important than the actual topic itself.

  7. Mike says:

    Only child? You always forget about Miles.

  8. Mike says:

    Maybe you asked those seven other people about themselves…then you hate them for it. I hate them too.

  9. pfft says:


  10. gog says:

    what the hell are you talking about?

  11. angelo says:

    You don’t like talking about yourself but like asking people about themselves but they got to stop doing it?

  12. Just an Atom says:


  13. gag says:

    gog is as dumb as his name. we all get it.

  14. Ring Kodney says:

    Go back to Mars!$! you Maple leaf syrup suckin so and so…eh?

  15. supronymous says:

    is that a fucking essay on your arm?

  16. Nice one says:

    I see what you did there. 😉

  17. Jus sayin' says:

    But when they are talkin’ ’bout themselves, what are they really sayin’?

  18. Brock Samson says:

    I loved your most recent book about other people.

  19. Zlur says:


  20. Billy says:

    OOOOOOOh, i get it.

  21. corporate hussy says:

    that was cool. what an unobvious joke.

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