Posted by
The Fool
• 01.28.11 12:00 pm

Because I work in the public sector I haven’t been able to avoid hearing people talk about American Idol contestant Chris Medina.

Because I work in the public sector I haven’t been able to avoid hearing people talk about American Idol contestant Chris Medina. You’ve probably heard it already, but just to recap, his story goes as follows:

Chris dated his sweetheart Juliana Ramos for eight years before proposing to her about two years ago. They were young, in love and had their whole lives ahead of them.

Shortly after their engagement, Juliana had a traumatic car accident in which she sustained terrible physical injuries including head trauma that left her in a coma with serious brain damage.

Because he’s a million times more of a man than I’ll ever be, Chris stood by Juliana through thick and thin, and is still with her today caring for her while she’s wheelchair bound and extremely limited in her ability to communicate.

Now there’s no debating the fact that this guy makes Jesus look like a free market Republican. He is the fucking MAN, someone who truly understands that love is sacrifice. The profound sentiments that would inspire such unwavering faith and devotion are simply beyond what most of us will ever know in our lives and are only possible for those of exceptional character.

On the flip side: I once broke up with a girl because she said she didn’t like the taste of my semen. I’m 90% sure I’m gonna die alone.

Anyway here’s where I fucked up — I was with a group of female co-workers who were all taking turns crying about how amazing Medina is, holding each others hands and sobbing. All of these women had also recently been married. Reflecting on the significance of their wedding vows and seeing someone who was willing to follow his every promise through to its most demanding conclusion was so emotionally overwhelming for them that I was amazed they made it into work. More than ever they felt as though they would never be alone again in life. I was happy for them. They had a real flesh and blood example that proved conclusively Lionel Richie was right when he said “Love Will Find a Way.”

So they’re sobbing uncontrollably when all of a sudden one of them turns to me and asks for my opinion on the story. I answered them honestly:

“I think it’s amazing. That guy is a saint, a million times more of a man than I am. I can’t imagine what they’ve both been through. I hope he stands by her forever…”


At this point I should have just stopped talking. My answer was perfect. It was exactly what they wanted to hear and was very ordinary and normal. I didn’t need to say anything else. But I did:

“… but I also hope he’s getting laid on the side because there’s no reason why he should have to give up that part of his life. He’s proven enough by staying with her and loving her, he should at least be able to see a hooker without feeling any guilt or shame.”

Dead Silence.



Part of being mature is knowing when to shut your mouth. Clearly I don’t have that down yet. That said, AM I WRONG?

I know it’s not the most polite thing to say and I realize it offends the Disney aesthetic of the storyline, but this is a REAL fucking human who is dealing with the incredible misfortune he’s been handed in the most admirable way. Why should he have to suffer unnecessarily?

I know if I was horribly injured and couldn’t fulfill my physical duties, I would want my wife to be riding the biggest, stiffest cock available when she wasn’t by my side helping me get through the day. I’m considerate like that.

How do you guys feel about this? I need to know.


  1. Lars von Trier says:

    True dat, but it don’t always work out so nice; see:

  2. sloweducation says:

    i think yr right and his smile in that picture up top says youre right too. hes got everyone fooled. he looks like some evil character jack black would cook up. not a compliment.

  3. I mean you can help her out and shit but latching on the old concept of the relationship is fucked. It’s like being a pedophile or something. Can he even kiss her on the mouth and not feel like he’s abusing a downs kid? Being naked around her must be like taking a dump with a cat in the room. She looks MUCH better than ole Terry Schiavo tho. Here’s to hoping for a similar media shit show if she slips back into a vegetative state.

  4. Yannis says:

    can she still open her mouth? if yes, then no hookers for you bro

  5. just a cunt hair away says:

    steven tyler’s gonna hit that shit.

  6. Anonymous says:

    her hand still looks like in can grip a cock.

  7. W4LNUT says:

    This is one of those rare situations in which a gloryhole would make good moral sense.

  8. itchibang says:

    you broke up with her just because yer jizz tasted like your craptastic diet of coffee, olde english, reds, stepped-on bumps, and mcdoodies? you really are a Fool!

  9. iwontslowdown says:

    boy, this article gave me the boost i needed not to kill myself today

    so proud ive never heard of this guy/girl/coma

  10. Anonymous says:

    do you know how many men marry and live with horrible shrews who won’t give it up for years upon years? and plenty of those suckers don’t cheat.

    that being said, just look at him. he was going to cheat anyway. now he’s got a permanent justification. he’s got it made in the shade with her.

  11. horrible shrew says:

    ^^^^^my keystroke recorder saw that, clarence!!! you thought it was bad between us before? now welcome to real hell!!

  12. Rick Samson says:

    Where can you buy ‘reds?’

  13. moufbreatha says:

    “I once broke up with a girl because she said she didn’t like the taste of my semen.”

    It’s not her, it’s you. Eat more parsley, wheatgrass, cardamom, pineapple, melons, etc.

  14. the bronx connection says:

    ^^^ what, you don’t already know a ‘dealer’ who can get you reds? here you go, short-bus:

  15. ellen barkin says:

    When everyone who goes through to Hollywood has that same bullshit phony “soulful” thing going on, it’s good to differentiate yourself. So, bringing a loved one in a wheelchair and looking like the dude from the Posies is a pretty solid strategy.

  16. Frank DeFalco says:

    Chris who? Never heard of the guy until now. That being said, you are the Fool. He’s probably been getting side pussy since the accident.

  17. Anonymous says:

    hey @DeFalco, perform for us a public service and re-post that delectable booty shake from a few months ago. I think she performed with a way more wound-up eroticism than the massively gross-hammed pre-diabetic ghetto girls that were on here last week. tx in advance.

  18. RolAIDS says:

    I bet her insurance payout has something to do with him sticking around. Oh, yeah and appealing to the idiots that watch Pop Idol to get more vote doesn’t hurt.

  19. wyatt says:

    hookers are go.

  20. someguy says:

    ha you’re right but society isn’t ready to hear it.

  21. ??? says:

    Errrr, no. That’s part of the whole “sacrifice” thing.

  22. Name says:

    I completely agree that he should be getting some on the side.
    And I think it’s time that society accept this simple truth.
    Also, did she become retarded or just incapable of speaking?

  23. blaahus poopus says:

    handisnapper threesomes. is what they’re doing.

  24. says:

    6 yrs ago I was t-boned by a dump truck, severe brain injury, broken neck, broken skull, etc, etc. I worked my ass off in rehab and to see me today you’d never know I was once a capper like her. It takes time, but it can be done. I felt for him and her. That said, I thought the exact same thing. I was single at the time, but I’m sure my parents would have told a boyfriend to move on. Frankly, I think it’s kinda inhuman to expect hI’m to hang around. He still deserves to carry on living his life. It’s tough though, because it’s extremely hard to predict how a brain injured person will be doing after many years. The key is
    intense intervention within days of coming out of a coma. Though suffering physical pain now, I am still able to live a normal life (with slight modifications). Two years after a brain injury, any cognitive gains will be minimal. I hope her family realizes this and supports him living a regular life. He has already gone above and beyond what most men would do.

  25. tinyfrogs says:


    Your argument is a common stance taken by our country’s most prominent commentator on teh sex, Dan Savage.

    If getting some on the side allows the guy to support his crippled partner indefinitely, then of course it is a good idea.

    That said, the country song “Ruby, don’t take your love to town” comes to mind.

  26. Dude says:

    I would slap that bitch in the face with my balls. Slap slap!

    I bet disability porn is great. I’m gonna go find some. Or make some.

  27. Circumcised In Iran says:

    Well, it worked for John Edwards. Kinda.

  28. lol@u says:

    you know what’s hotter than conjugal visit sex? disability sex!

  29. Anonymous says:

    hahahahah this should have been an epsiode of curb

  30. man says:

    taco, how was your libido during your recovery? What would you have done for a boyfriend that wanted to stick with you, whether he considered seeing someone else as well, or if he only wanted you?

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