The new shirts are in.
We get all our tattoos at Saved and when we needed last minute t-shirts for SXSW we got up from the chair and said, “Hey, that hurt like hell. Were you pushing extra hard?” and the guy was like, “What?” And we go, “We need shirts for our shows in Texas. Can you make them, like, now?” And they go, “No problem.”
After that batch we kept coming back again and again until they said, “Let’s just do a silk screen. It’s cheaper and faster and the print will look way better because it won’t fade the way this spray paint does.” We agreed. So here they are. EIGHT STYLES in all! They come in medium and large and they’re Hanes Beefy T so they don’t get all wimpy and polyestery like those other shirts do. Oh, and we took out the “.com” part on the logo because you told us to. BUY NOW!
Dear Street Carnage,
Are your shirts sexist? I am a petite girl and the Medium Hanes is too big, even after I wash it.
Thanks for your letter. How’s the tour going? Are you even on tour? Yes, our shirts are very dude-centric in size but if you’re worth half your weight in fashion prowess you can cinch it here and cut the collar there. Look at this chick with the sunglasses (above). That’s a finangled medium. Not bad right? Another possible solution would be to put some weight on. You’re starting to look like a dude.
BUY THEM IN PERSON IN
If you think the internet is a stupid idiot you can get them in person at Lawanna’s in Brooklyn (144 Grand St near Bedford) and at The Good, The Bad and the Ugly (85 Kenmare St near Lafayette) in Manhattan.
The first one ever, polished, resized and converted from VHS to DVD. This is the one where Gary Coleman says to Arsenio Hall, “That’s when AIDS came out and all the women ran and hid so I only started doing it, and getting good at it (if you will) a few years ago.” BUY NOW!
Fucking awesome! This is the one where Richard Simmons sings a fuck song, Tarntino is wasted out of his mind an d that wrestler dude tells the Undertakes he is going to cover him in a “Golden Shower” of sunlight. BUY NOW!
This is where those cable access gems debuted. There’s the slightly chubby kid dancing to Thriller and a piece of Brooklyn trash singing “Hairdresser” while wearing what appears to be a garbage bag. BUY NOW!
See William Shatner get electrocuted while wearing a bathing suit from the 40s. Laugh your ass off at Steve Seagal discussing wine like he’s classy and then let your jaw drop to the floor as Canadian New Waver BB Boris drops to his knees screaming, “It’s a COLD DAY ON M-A-A-A-A-ARS!” BUY NOW!
A VHS tape barfs out it’s tape and that becomes a cloudy dream that spells out “tv carnage.” BUY NOW!
Want us to make fun of pants and bad TV in your town? Scrape together $500 and you have a deal.
All you have to do is send us your address and we’ll send you 5 black & white stickers and 5 color ones.