Art Alexakis grew up in the projects and got raped by black kids. That sucks. Don’t get me wrong. However, being raped doesn’t give you the right to be the most irritating human being in all of California (the most annoying state in the union).
I watched that movie The Other F Word last night where old punks whine about their childhoods until you want to jump into the TV and take a shit in them. Hey Art, it’s not your dad’s fault you got raped, it’s the rapists’. Also, you knew who else grew up without a father? Oh, pretty much everyone. My dad was always there but when I scroll through my phone I count, one, two, three… seven of the guys in my “recents” grew up fatherless. The only time I’ve heard them mention it is to make jokes about what a loser the guy is.
Art on the other hand, feels so sorry for himself, he sings the tear-jerker above in its entirety and then stares straight at the camera like we’re all going to bawl our eyes out. My eyes were rolling too hard to cry. Later, when asked what he was like as a kid he goes, “All I remember is being this sweet little boy who just wanted to help people.” Who talks about themselves that way? Who the fuck refers to their younger self as a “sweet little boy”? Hi, I moved to Ontario from England when I was 5. I was super sweet. Then, at 18, I moved out of the house and went to Quebec where I became really, really kind. Ten years later, I came to New York wherein I became just absolutely wonderful. Did Alexakis go to the Rufus Wainwright School of Talking About Yourself?
In the film he talks about the way people look at him when he picks up his kid. He says they gawk at his tattoos and dyed blonde hair. In fucking California? Yeah right. “Then they see me pick up my baby and realize I’m a father” he says before adding, “But the kids know right away. They can tell I’m a father.” BLECH!
Art ends the film with the worst thing I’ve heard since, “Happy birthday Gavin, you’re 42.” He’s being his usual solipsistic self and says coyly, “The other day someone said to me, ‘I wish you were my father’ and I said, ‘me too. I wish I was my father.’”
I wish he’d be more like his father and leave.