Posted by
• 12.11.08 05:53 pm

I at once adore and abhor disgusting shit. I can’t help but click on headlines that I know will turn my stomach. Kinda like that disgusting self-mutilation chick. So here is a list of the top 10 news stories that made want to barf, because you know, truth is stranger than fiction, etc.
I at once adore and abhor disgusting shit. I can’t help but click on headlines that I know will turn my stomach. Kinda like that disgusting self-mutilation chick. So here is a list of the top 10 news stories that made want to barf, because you know, truth is stranger than fiction, etc.

10.) X17 Exclusive – Britney’s Not Pregnant!
X17 is notoriously the most ruthless and despicable paparazzi agency around. In January, back when Jesus (or Larry Rudolph) was not taking the wheel for Britney Spears, and she was in the middle of her steep decline into mental instability, X17 posted pictures of her buying a pregnancy test, and then one day later, posted pictures of her bloody panties with the headline above. The post has since been taken down from the site, but I had decided to save the shots—should I ever need them—leading me to wonder who was more insane: the girl walking around with no tampon or pants, or the girl who thought the evidence of such was a keepsake.

9.) Man Dies From Picking His Nose
A 63-year-old man in Manchester, England, suffering from dementia brought on by alcoholism, picked his nose so much that he bled to death on September 5. The thought of him digging up there until he finally unplugged his brains, and turning his nose into a full-blast faucet, makes my entire body cringe.

8.) Woman Sits On Boyfriend’s Toilet For Two Years
This lady in Kansas inexplicably sat on her boyfriend’s toilet for two years straight. He would bring her food and water. He would ask her to come out everyday, and everyday she would say, “Maybe tomorrow.” Finally, he had to call the authorities, because her skin had become stuck to the seat. “She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body,” according to the county sheriff. They had to literally pry her ass off the toilet and bring her to the hospital, where she no doubt had a wicked case of hemorrhoids from being in that position for so long.

7.) Ohio Woman Sentenced To Life For Microwaving Her Baby To Death
This is some real trashy-ass shit. An Ohio resident named China got drunk and then got in a fight with her boyfriend over whether or not he was the real father of her one-month old child she’d named Paris. (Don’t you love how it’s a tradition in this family to name children after locations you know they will never visit?) For reasons unknown, the fight escalated to the point of China throwing Paris in the microwave and cooking her. As you can tell from her mugshot, she doesn’t give a fuck. The expression in her eyes just screams, “You don’t know me! And what?”

6.) Bizarre Disease Where Wires Grow Out Of Your Skin
For a long time, Morgellons disease was dismissed as a mental illness, in which sufferers experience the same delusions of rashes, coughing up bugs, and having tiny, wire-like fibers growing out of their skin. But this year, one doctor called Morgellons patients on their supposed bluff, and asked that they send mail him those fibers. They did, and they were real! And it might have something to do with mutant worms. The thought alone makes my hair feel weird.

5.) Man Accused Of Forcing Daughter, 7, To Kill Pet Cat
Some sick fuck in Indiana told his children that they needed to “learn how to kill.” So he gave his 11 year old son a knife and ordered him to stab the family’s pet cat. The kid, because he’s not a future sociopath, felt awful about it and tried to save the cat by hiding it and putting ketchup on the knife. The dad found the cat then had made his little girl hold the knife and physically forced her to stab the animal. I’m more of a dog person, but this still makes me ill.

4.) Ten Days In The Life Of A Tampon
My friend forgot she left her tampon in, thought her period was over, and continued to live her daily life for more than a week while the cotton wad was still inserted. She had sex with two different guys before she realized what was up in her. She lived to write about it.

3.) Austrian Man Locked Daughter In Cellar For 24 Years, Fathered Her 7 Children
This guy Josef’s daughter went missing in 1984, and the case went unsolved. Turns out he was hiding her in the basement, raping her repeatedly, and having kids with her, for a quarter of a century. While this is obviously horrendous, it’s also very V.C. Andrews—of whom I was a huge fan—which is why I think it drew me in.

You Gotta See This
I was never into Ultimate Fighting. But then I saw this:

1.) Sex Ramp Allowed World’s Fattest Man Consummate His Wedding

  1. escher says:

    gahhhhh that ultimate fightinggg videooodaodo. i am dead.

  2. the foOl says:

    your friend is a whore.

    correction: oblivious whore.

  3. sally shoebox says:

    Ultimate Fighting video.. thats about as ultimate as shit can get.

  4. Nasty says:

    As a female, in order for someone to have anything ‘stuck’ in their vagina, they must have a massive, stretched out cave going on–commonly found on those who bone too many dudes. My mom works in law enforcement and says only crack whores get wads of ‘junk’ (ie money, crack pipes) stuck in their ‘coochies.’ It’s classified as a ‘coochie’ when it’s been used too many times.I hate that word. I’m so baffled. With one teeny finger, I can easily touch every wall and zone of my lady-dom. There is no way anything can get stuck in there, unless it’s a grain of rice or something microscopic. GROSS!

  5. Felonious says:

    I’ve been watching mixed martial arts for a while now, and unfortunately that’s the second time I’ve seen that happen:

    The fight that you posted just happened last night too (12/11/08), crazy that it skyrocketed to #2. I think microwaving the baby should have been the number 1 spot.

    Nice post SM.

  6. pat says:

    i thought that tampon thing happened to you…and it was three guys.

  7. soothgayer says:

    enough of the sellout fuckin top 10 lists. add your twat up there cunty.

  8. miss appalachian says:

    nice post.

  9. Barf my face off in E minor says:

    That ends the experiment that is Corey Hill. A man that is 6’5″ should not fight if he weighs 155lbs. Now we know. I am very surprised to have not seen the Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs video on the list, seeing how this is by far the grossest thing ever to hit the internet. I can stomach some horrible shit, a broken leg is mind candy…but I have yet to make it through this entire video at one time.

    Please proceed with balls or caution:

  10. bloodyknows says:

    is this a countdown, with a hierarchy from least gross to most gross? if so, the list is definitely fucked. microwaving a baby? that crazy german guy? either of those two could occupy the #1 spot.

  11. Beef says:

    Of all those stories, the sex ramp was the most disturbing to me.

  12. Dave says:

    You missed a good one. A girl had her intestines literally pulled out of her ass when she sat on a pool drain. She actually survived for a good while but died several months later.

  13. Dave says:

    Woops, did I just say good? My apologies.

  14. Poop says:

    The leg.. Oh, the leg..

  15. Badtooth says:

    enough with the gross, let’s her more about nasty’s near-virginal cunt.

  16. francie says:

    you know that Morgellons disease this was just a viral marketing hoax, yeah?

  17. Mike Farmer says:

    11. Donna’s asshole/hemmeroid (sp?)

    That’s not true, though. It was kinda endearing.

  18. ak says:

    Dave, wasn’t there a story by chuck palahniuk about that a few years ago? I remember reading something similar; the person survived but lost like 4/5th of their intestine length, causing them to be super skinny and awful looking. what happened to the real-life girl ?

  19. stoof says:

    I was totally picking my nose when I read #9. I don’t think I ever will again

  20. homeless says:

    jesus, this bummed me out.

  21. drippy dog dix and cum bubbles or something says:

    Yeah, this made me feel all weird and unhappy. The tampon thing is so wicked. I imagine she smells like rot, and tastes like a nine volt. Yuck.

  22. awesome says:

    Hey Nasty, we should hang out.

  23. Manuel Uribe says:

    Ha ha ha even the fattest man in the whole world can get laid. What’s your excuse?

  24. Emily H. says:

    Haha, I like that the tampon saga has been reclassified as a “news story.”

  25. Tastes Like A Nine Volt says:

    @ drippy dog dix and cum bubbles or something:

    Nice work. My screen is now covered in coffee.

  26. Dave says:

    Well, there’s the link from a news source.

  27. dC says:

    Funny, the tampon story actually mentions the chick who got stuck to the toilet. How meta… or something. Ugh.

  28. omg says:

    wtf the ultimate fighting :O how would you do that?? :OOO i could put my jaw back in a place

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