Posted by
• 12.25.10 05:11 pm

In the immortal words of Wattie from the Exploited, “I hate, you hate, we all hate politicians!”

The night Obama was elected, the streets around my Brooklyn home were hysterical with glee. People were climbing up streetlights and screaming “OBAMA!” at the top of their lungs as if he wasn’t just another politician. It was a riot of naïveté, and its stupidity stupefied me.

The White House is just a very big DMV. They are all incompetent boobs totally out of touch with the real world. They have no real interest in anything but their own lunch break. In fact, the only good politicians are the ones who hate politicians and are trying to dismantle government from the inside-out.

Reagan was my favorite president by far, but it wasn’t because he was smart. He believed in Martians, for chrissakes. He was a crazy retard but I loved him because he kept his hands in his pockets and did as little politicking as possible.

When politicians actually try to get involved in our lives, they do more damage than big business. In an era of Enron, BP, and Fannie Mae, that’s saying something.

Here are my 10 favorite political cock-ups of 2010.

Obama was loosely elected for hope and change and ended up hoping for loose change. A site I regularly pilfer, Hot Air, has a hilariously thorough compendium of jaw-dropping “Obamateurisms.” I found it tough to choose one, but this is irresistible. It’s a perfect example of how completely unaware politicians are of their surroundings. His actual quote was, “We shouldn’t be campaigning all the time.” He might as well have been complaining that the drinks taste shitty while taking a huge crap in the punchbowl.

This Ohio Republican cries more than a junkie shoplifter with bad luck, but the best example was on 60 Minutes when he bookmarked his tears with Obama compliments and even sobbed that he’d like to play golf with the guy some time. On the bright side, Dan Rather is now in second place for most embarrassing American blubberer.

Maryland Republican Andy Harris was elected because he’s a doctor who opposed Obamacare. Then, on his first day in office, he starts bitching like a spoiled baby about his healthcare taking 28 days to kick in. Spraying irony out of his facial anus, he indignantly dragged on until it dominated the entire Congressional freshman-orientation meeting. He should have been forced to have surgery to remove his hypocrisy.

From all over the political spectrum in all levels of the hierarchy, anyone can be a useless tool. New York State Assemblyman Bob Reilly may not be president, but the wall that separates him from reality is just as opaque. Check out this clip where he recreates a meeting with a cerebral palsy victim and milks it for every crippled grunt he can eke out of it:
PS: When Patton Oswalt saw this he said, “Finally, someone concerned about cunt tax.”

There’s no way I’m going to get away with saying this happened later than 2009, but can we please leave it in? In 2010, Louisiana steadfastly continued refusing to apologize for wasting tax dollars to hear a man-child rap about how he wants to bang Halle Berry. So can we keep it in? Please?
PS: If your answer is “no” then sub in the time Janet Napolitano said, “We’re fighting terror 364 days a year.” I’m assuming that missing day is today.

The fact that we have someone in office who thinks Guam will tip over if we send over too many soldiers is…spellbinding. What else does he not know? Do we have to watch what we say about Santa around him?

Greene is unique in that his very existence is a cosmic mistake. Every word that comes out of his mouth, from threatening to sue the press for interviewing him to saying he’s running for president, every decision from making action figures of himself to showing college students pornos, is a mistake. Even his green T-shirt is a mistake.

Palin-bashing is usually a Hollywood liberal feeding frenzy rooted in contempt for the average American, but come on. She said we have to stand by our North Korean allies. Can you imagine saying that even after 1,000 beers?

Besides the endless comedic opportunities this guy provided SNL, the best part about the “Rent Is Too Damn High” guy is that HE HASN’T PAID RENT IN TEN YEARS! I’m no math buff, but if you think zero is a lot, you’re no math buff.

This Southern gubernatorial hopeful became popular after crushing Alvin Greene in the WTF? category by declaring himself Tennessee’s next governor live and on-camera while under the obvious influence of Down syndrome.

Most recently however, he blessed us with a Christmas song that is so bad, it’s left many wondering if he’s in on the joke:

So we should all learn this Christmas season that Democrats, Republicans, liberals, conservatives, and libertarians are all one people, united, under God, indivisible, and ruled by the absolute bottom of the human barrel.

A toast to all of us and some phlegm for all of them. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!


  1. Jimmy says:

    Merry X-mas to you to Gavin!

  2. The Talking Painting says:

    The Christmas tree is leading me on, shes just moved in and thinks she owns the place, with her fucking jewels and decorations. She smells awesome though. Whatever, I see these bitches come and go every year, they all make me fall in love and then they just vanish.

  3. mwr says:

    well done

  4. Ba Hum Bug! says:

    Thanks the Hurricane Chris video should have been #1 by the way and should be on every year. I was crying laughin

  5. Bonzo says:

    Reagan? Seriously?

  6. quadruple x says:

    “Reagan was my favorite president by far”

    The guy that actually OPPOSED the Voting Rights Act, and tried in every possible way to strip minorities of every inch of meager power they had acquired since 1965? Jesus Christ man.

  7. turdbum says:

    were you ever funny? did you always whine non-stop about your stupid political bullshit.

    I can’t tell if you’ve gotten boring or if i’ve grown up.

  8. Gnarles in Charge says:

    @quadruple x

    Yes, the guy who put the FIRST woman on the Supreme Court and also made sure any person who’d entered the country ILLEGALLY before 1982 would receive amnesty totally had it out for minorities.

    P.S. It’s not so much, not at all actually, that he opposed the VRA, he was just more into states’ rights.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Yup, Reagan was such a Nazi, he sponsored and passed the ONLY successful amnesty bill for illegal aliens in American history.

    Just goes to show: When you get your news from songs, you don’t know anything.

  10. nuclear bomb blast says:

    Reagan probably has the best collecton of punk songs about him (apart from the queen or thatcher MAYBE)

  11. Innes McGavin says:

    Merry Christmas Gavin and all SBTVC. I wish you didn’t live in a country where they have no rap shows in the House of Representatives. Damn…how could it happen?….

  12. Joe the Plumber says:

    Miss me yet?

  13. anonymous says:

    Reagan as Gavin’s favorite American President. Why isn’t he naming his favorite Prime Minister of Canada or the UK? I hate to break the news but you weren’t born here. I love how people from all over the world have profound opinions of American politics like it makes them part of the popular kids.

  14. anonymous says:

    oh and Reagan helped try to make ketchup a vegetable in public schools. This hipster Republican bullshit is really starting to chap my ass.

  15. Fading Yuletide Rictus of the Oligarch says:

    When you buy them by the gross like I do, it’s fun trying to guess which ones will best amuse.

  16. pops says:

    “Palin-bashing is usually a Hollywood liberal feeding frenzy rooted in contempt for the average American”

    If I made a list of the 10 most asinine things I read in 2010 that would be number one.

  17. Gavin as Reaganite says:

    This is not only depressing, its really the last straw for this once ok site. Not only is SC boring now its now not even funny. Goodbye forever.

  18. Ghost of Ronnie Reagalzheimer? says:

    My lights were on, but I wasn’t home!

    That’s why The Gay Canadian loves me, is because he thinks the example of my non-sentience when in office now justifies his own facile Diapertarian dismissals of conscious adult attempts toward responsible governance.

    Just like I did, he eats his own baby poop and declares it utterly scrumptious.

    Gayvin’s greatest high is doing rails of his own dandruff while singing ABBA songs ‘punk-style’, and you take his political opining seriously? Joke’s on you. Or was that me…they made me President?? Nancy!!! Where’s my hair-spray? Do you think these H-Bomb codes look good on me?… I’m on!….

  19. vegan jules says:

    Obama or any politician ain’t gonna save us from ourselves. I appreciate that Gavin has continuously pointed out that Obamas not going to be able to save us, but at least we’re not hearing on the news everyday about the U.S. bombing brown families, and whats more I’m not getting overdraft charges on my checking account anymore. I used to get like $800 a year and always right when I was dirt poor.

    Also, it feels better to be an American abroad now. If another Republican had been elected you would have had to watch your back.

  20. Avoiding Palin and Suffering says:

    ^^Obama hasn’t ‘saved us from ourselves’. No one expected him to. What McGayvin doesn’t get is that “his” kids in Williamsburg weren’t hooting from the light poles because they believed Obama’s to be an utter saint as much as they were simply expressing wild relief the U.S. was at long last color-blind enough to accept a half-black as President, compounded with the further ecstatic relief that they wouldn’t have to suffer through the dimwitted Duo of Disaster that was McAncient and Sarrahcuda. And you know what? They were right on both points. In recognizing that, they were more mature than Gayvin, and also they were having more fun than old dust-farts McInnes has anymore. Thus his curmudgeonly disapprovals, which will only worsen with time, as he refuses to grow up while at the same time he’s aging both pitifully and obnoxiously.

  21. Good question says:

    Oooh, Vegan Jules!

  22. CC says:

    Ok, Boehner cries too much. But, at least one of the instances was kind of devastating in context, don’t you think? Stahl: Why [the crying about speaking in front of schoolchildren]? Boehner: “[Because part of my responsibility is] makin’ sure these kids have a shot at the American dream like I did….”

  23. Greg says:

    Go be a dad more gavin

  24. Stephen says:

    Basil’s a sweetheart…I’m from his neck of the woods. His platform was based around everyone being required to carry handguns…or face a ten dollar penalty. Adorable. He also makes homemade sausage he wants to market. :) xoxo

  25. BongBong says:

    People didn’t really care that Obama was elected as much as they cared Bush and the republicons were UN-ELECTED! Rightwingers are the only ones you ever see call Obama ‘the messiah’ or ‘annointed one’, you would never see that shit on a Lefty blog. The real reason people were celebrating was because finally the rest of the world will no longer think were just a bunch of inbred retards. We have the coolest president in history….Thats all that really matters. Reagan wasn’t a cool guy, actually in person he was probably a dick. Why would I give a fuck about the size of govt?! I think govt should be bigger! Have you ever been to a post office or DMV? They’re slow as shit. I would like a DMV to open up right next door to a DMV, and a post office next to a post office, and maybe alot more govt workers keeping our polluted fucking estrogen filled tap water safe, and 10 US marshalls on every flight. And the funniest part is, is that this so called ‘smaller more efficient’ govt crap the RW tries to tell their sheep has never actually ever been achieved. Shit, even Reagan tripled the size of govt AND the defict. Conservatism is a myth.

  26. Drippy dog Dix and cum bubbles or something says:

    ^ you are a dipshit of the highest order. You think bigger government would make the DMV better, nigga puh-lease. And yes, those kids (late 20 somethings) actually thought Obama was going to save the world. I know because I live around the corner and many of those jerk offs are my friends. Not to say they are dumb, just incredibly naive or delusional. Seriously, they thought this guy was ACTUALLY going to bring forth some great change. Like a fucking revolution or something. It was mind blowing. And back to bigger government real quick. Have you ever worked for a big corporation? Probably not because you’re 21 and trying to wrap up junior college (which is totally great, save some dough). More cooks in the kitchen don’t make a better casserole. Btw, I voted for Obama. The other choice was too depressing.

  27. Dick says:

    I gots all mah own teef!

  28. Anonymous says:

    Merry Ass-mas douchebags!

  29. luke says:

    I was excited when Obama was elected, for some of the reasons listed above, but in no way did I think the country was going to undergo a huge, tangible change. That’s not how it works. For the most part I wish he would govern more from the left than the center, but I suppose that’s an unrealistic wish. Is it really too much to ask to be able to have an actual left wing president once in my shitty, short life?

  30. Oil- says:

    It WAS a revolution.

  31. Tongue-Wrestling Oligarchs says:

    Like the man said, it WAS a Revolution! Halliburton and the F-22 were still wearing goatees and curved bills in ’08, and Red was totes passé. So when Goldman Sachs and the Wall Streeters switched sides and paid enough to wear the Teamsters’ tight-pants Blue uniforms for once, it was a huge fashion coup!

  32. Uncle Wah Wah says:

    Boehner cries, a child dies. :O

    Hey, it sounded appropriate for Obama.

  33. dragler says:

    Obama got elected on his most libertarian position: opposition to the iraq war: a massive hugely unpopular spending measure.

  34. JM says:

    The Obama street parties, like his winning of the peace prize, was just as rooted in refuting/celebrating the end of the bush years as it was rejoicing over the arrival of the Messiah.

    and for all the naiveté inherent to the belief that Obama was going to herald in a new liberal utopia, people could at least occasionally acknowledge the fact that the platform he spent 2 entire years shaping and communicating to the public was completely, utterly derailed by the financial 9/11 that dropped less than 2 months prior to his election. And even with that he has still done the majority of what he said he was going to (not that those people in the streets gave a shit about what he said he would actually do–clearly all they heard was the hope and change bs and extrapolated that into whatever their pet liberal beliefs were)–present a new face to the arab world, get combat troops out of iraq, double down on afghanistan (he did always say he would do that), close guantanamo (not our fault no one in “humanitarian” europe will help us out with this), throw some bones to minorities and gays, and perhaps above all, present a more thoughtful communication style than bush’s that would be more transparent, accountable, and acknowledging of complexities (this has in fact turned out to actually be a really bad idea, but it is for sure part of the reason those people were partying at the time) He fucked up big time keeping the top 2% tax cuts in place and with health care on many levels, to be sure. So you can’t blame the guy for selling one thing and then delivering something completely different; it was the voters who let their imaginations get carried away and expect something they were never promised in the first place.

  35. vegan jules says:

    Before there was Luke O’Neil, there was vegan Jules.

  36. you all like "Fergie" says:

    Does Gavin think this is a forum for serious political debate? I mean, I’m not saying there aren’t some intelligent commentators here, but seriously.

    Gavin, I know you hung out with a lot of punks with poorly thought out leftist politics, and it feels liberating to push it in their faces that you aren’t beholden to the same dogmas that they are, but if you just switch sides and accept every badly thought out position of the right wingers, you’re basically just doing the same thing they are. Generally I find that people who have put honest effort into forming their opinions through examining the evidence and not through accepting one groups biases will tend to have opinions that don’t always fall into one camp or the other. Just because you’re liberal about “social issues” doesn’t mean you aren’t swallowing whole the right wing party line. And that’s just lazy. Reagan wasn’t a great president in my opinion, not for what he stood for, but for the actual effects of his legislation. It was a failure that led to a serious banking crisis at the end of his term coupled with a massive inflation of the debt, arguably created the modern version of the homeless problem, and about a million other horrible effects. I am not a knee jerk lefty by any stretch, but if you’re going to pick a republican to rub in the faces of the knee jerk lefties on here, why not Newt Gingrich? At least he was good at what he did.

  37. no says:

    “anonymous Says:

    Reagan as Gavin’s favorite American President. Why isn’t he naming his favorite Prime Minister of Canada or the UK? I hate to break the news but you weren’t born here. I love how people from all over the world have profound opinions of American politics like it makes them part of the popular kids.”

    this opinion you speak of, that non americans have on american politics is formed mainly due to anything coming out of america being rammed down the fucking throats of the rest of the world… especially the brand of american politics that gets served to the western world… we couldnt escape it if we fucking tried.

  38. asswip says:

    Did the saints just blow a load in Atlantas eye? Why yes yes I believe they did.

    Football is more intetesting than politics because theres more teams to root for.

  39. dragler says:

    JM- “He fucked up big time keeping the top 2% tax cuts in place and with health care on many levels, to be sure.”

    that’s silly. Obama isn’t sinking in the polls because of that. You’ve got ideological blinders on

    leaving the current tax levels in place isn’t one of the missteps that has led to his presidency failing. nor should it be. How would taking more taxes from ANYONE help the economy?

    His tragic mistake was doing health care reform instead of addressing the economy in 08 and 09.

    and almost no one likes the result. the trend, socially and politically , is towards decentralization. it was in most every way a terrible time to promote any kind of national health care thing.

    AS for the rest of that stuff: no one cares. All people care about is bringing the unemployment rate from 10 to 5. The rest if totally peripheral.

  40. TheyCallMeBruce says:

    In a year filled with more political turmoil and entertainment than any other in my 30+ year memory, these are the ‘most embarrassing’ incidents you can come up with? Fuck. How about gems like “the government is taking over your healthcare and wants to euthanize your grandparents?” Or the Supreme Court deciding that corporations are now “people?” Or EVERYTHING that comes out of Michelle Bachman’s mouth? Or the fact that Obama and Company are upping the ante in Afghanistan instead of pulling and praying? Or Phil Davidson losing his shit in his run for Stark Country Treasurer? (Ok, that one was just funny) Or any of the others whoppers you might find here:

    Like Luke, I voted for and was excited about Obama. Not because I’m an imbecile who thinks he was going to save the world, sew racial harmony and pay my bills, but because the alternative (McCain/Palin) was another 4 years of the same silver-spoon, faux-folksy bullshit posturing and catastrophic missteps that poured barrel upon barrel of gas instead of water on the fire. Is it so much to ask that someone in the executive suite actually work to improve the lives of Americans instead of lining his buddy’s pockets while bombing the crap out of the next Derkderkistan? I don’t agree w/ everything Obama has done and might not vote for him again, but at least the man is trying to stem the tide and get something done, instead of throwing punches in the dark (or at bystanders they didn’t like) as Bush and Cheney chose to.

    And this? “Palin-bashing is usually a Hollywood liberal feeding frenzy rooted in contempt for the average American, but come on.”

    Man, its time to get Coulter’s cock out of your mouth.

  41. stephen harper says:

    my dick in sarah palin’s mouth
    time for some hardwood lumber

  42. BongBong says:

    Actually Dog Dick yes, I do think bigger govt would make things more efficient, actually its pretty much common sense. Why would I give a fuck about the size of govt, all that means is more govt jobs. Im not some ‘scared of the govt’ pussy conservative. Actually cons seem to be scared of everyone, gays, handicapped, minorities, 9/11 responders, etc etc. I do believe our tax money could be allocated a little better i.e. I would rather every one of our citizens have healthcare than fund wars but what I can say, we never get to say where our tax money goes. And like I said MOST people were celebrating no more BUSH, I too live in NYC. You’re acting like the jesus freaks didn’t consider the other 2 neanderthals running for office the messiah. Shit, Palin still got a small group of brainwashed morons hanging on to her every word. You’re also acting like Obama hasn’t achieved huge accomplishments only 2yrs in. Puh-Lease.

  43. WhoreDervz says:

    Sinking in the polls? He’s still polling higher than every previous president within 30yrs at the same point in their presidency!

  44. PREZ OF U R GUAY says:

    Everybody knows Obama’s a piece of shit, everybody knows Reagan was a piece of shit.

    Each of them were jammed into the electorate’s faces so they could take care of the tycoons of the financial sector. Reagan fucked up our labor unions and now American workers have zero say in anything that happens because there’s nothing to put the brakes on insanely greedy corporations moving all their shit overseas and treating their workers like slaves with no rights. Obama has continued the trend.

    Obama is just as big a shill for the bankers, as he proved by putting the finishing touches on the insane transfer of wealth from the general populace to the top %0.05 that we called “the bailout.” US corporations are profitable this year yet unemployment is double what it was a few years ago…they’ve hired slaves overseas.

    FUCK DEESE GUYS if you really want change you gotta get a super intense leftist to run for presidente and reveal how both Democrats and Republicans collude to help out their financial and defense sector JO buds. But then they’ll assassinate him through some sort of NSA operative masquerading as a lone lunatic gunman or bomber a la Sweden in the 1970’s. AH WELL!

    Somebody has to brainwash Justin Bieber and Tom Hanks with a ton of Kropotkin and esoteric youtube videos about fractional reserve lending and have them run together on a ticket. Get working on it internet!

  45. Dick says:

    @you all like “Fergie”:

    If yr a wimmins, I wants to marry youse.

  46. dragler says:

    bong bong- yeah the USSR and Cuba had/ have the biggest governments and they run / ran real efficently excellent point. I agree about war, too bad Hillary, John kerry and all the other big name democrats don’t. Ron pal and Pat Bbuchanan were against Iraq, Hillary never apologized for backin it and is aiming at Iran now.

    ” I do believe our tax money could be allocated a little better i.e. I would rather every one of our citizens have healthcare than fund wars but what I can say”

    yeah exactly. who’s point are you trying to make.

    “Why would I give a fuck about the size of govt, all that means is more govt jobs.”

    Yeah cuz we live in the garden of eden and their is an endless supply of everything incuding money.

  47. Arv says:

    @dragler: “… yeah the USSR and Cuba had/ have the biggest governments…”

    How do you get to Cuba currently having the biggest government in the world? By number of government employees? By amount of government spending? Either way, you’re wrong.

  48. dragler says:

    no, the size of the state relative to the population. the “biggest” government would probably be the US in terms of sheer size I have no idea.

  49. Arv says:


    And “size of the state” is government spending? Government employees?

  50. dragler says:

    size of the entire apparatus. USSR and Cuba were /are state managed economies as opposed to say, Hong Kong where the size and scope of the state is very limited.

    hong kong has a huge film industry. in Cuba the Shaw brothers would be beaurocrats.

    “Most of the means of production are owned and run by the government, and most of the labor force is employed by the state. In the year 2000, public sector employment was 76% and private sector employment was 23% compared to the 1981 ratio of 91% to 8%”

  51. Arv says:


    It seems the “size of the entire apparatus” is an amorphous measurement that you’re using to criticize government policy despite being unable to properly define it.

    Where is that quote from? Is it in regards to Cuba? How’s it stack up against US figures? Chinese figures? Proportionally, it’s large, but how about in terms of absolute value?

  52. dragler says:

    the figure was from wikipedia entry “economy of Cuba”.

    what point are you seeking to make here? My point was that bigger governments doesn’t just mean there are now “more government jobs” for people to have and we have this magic supply of money. It means the budget is higher and that money has to be raised. either by raising taxes, borrowing, or printing new money, which causes inflation and is basically another form of tax.

    Thus, I suppose the public sector would be defined as any job that is paid for with tax payer dollars, by the state borrowing money or by the central bank creating more money as opposed to places where individuals or households are paying for something with their own money and of their own volition.

  53. Arv says:


    I wasn’t trying to refute/support your point. Just wanted clarification as to what exactly you were citing when you claimed Cuba currently has the biggest government, a statement which seems wrong on its face considering Cuba’s a small, impoverish island nation.

    I get what you’re saying now, in regards public sector vs. private sector employment, though it still hardly makes Cuba the “biggest” government and fails to account for any of the benefits of having a large government (i.e. military) in the international sphere.

    Thanks for clearing it up, sport.

  54. dragler says:

    well cuba is the last authoritarian regime in the western hemispere moreso than Venezuela so it has the “biggest government”. the one that has the most power over the population.

    North Korea has the biggest government in the world.

    there is no benefit of having a large military in the international or any sphere, it simply siphons off money from the society and spits it out in some other other part of the world for the benefit of the elites and their corporate partners.

  55. Arv says:


    I think you’re confusing “biggest” with “most totalitarian” — “totalitarianistest,” if you will.

    And having a large military has no benefit? I can understand that maybe in the context of current unconventional warfare. But it definitely has had huge benefits historically.

  56. dragler says:

    biggest and most totalitarian means the same thing. “big” means reach. that’s why totalitarinest is not a word.

    Other than killing and impoverishing alot of people the military has had no historical benefit for anyone. standing armies are a blight on humanity.

  57. ozone says:

    gavin isn’t advanced he’s overt

  58. Arv says:

    That’s totalitarianistest, thank you.

    And: Continental Army in the Revolutionary War? The Royal Air Force in the Battle of Britain? No benefit to anyone?

  59. dragler says:

    the continental army wasn’t like a standing army, it was a rebellion against an outside force, the british. It was a resistence movement. I don’t know much british military history but all of the world wars were heinous and wrong. That one aquitted themselves better than another is neither here nor there. The entire era was awash in primitive state ordered bloodshed and millions died for no reason.

  60. Arv says:

    I’m glad you’re now distinguishing “standing army” from the broader category of military, but that still doesn’t change the fact that the Royal Air Force (a standing air force) benefited British civilians by protecting them from the Luftwaffe’s bombing raids during the Battle of Britain, so saying that a military has “had no historical benefit to anyone” is simply untrue.

    Yes, the RAF killed scores of German civilians in Dresden five years later — which is indefensible — but it still holds that belligerence happens and does sometimes need to be contradicted by force.

  61. dragler says:

    I wouldn’t argue with that. just in general militaries tend to

    1. serve more offensive than defensive purposes and

    2. are an economic drain more often than a thing that protects economies in a practical way.

    I mean, the US military right now serves no purpose for its citizenry, really. NOthing that justifies the gigantic expenditure and loss of life. Those people would be of better use in the economie sand at home with their families. The trade off with “security” which they aren’t providing at all, is not even close.

    We probably could have made it through the 20th century with just the coast guard and it would have been wonderful if other nations had followed suit which they may well have done. We are a trendsetter of sorts here.

  62. Arv says:

    I won’t argue about the military today or your hypothesis that America (and the world) could’ve gotten through the 20th century with “just the coast guard.” I wanted to point out that your statement (the military has NEVER benefited ANYONE EVER) is simply not true.

  63. Michael says:


    “…but that still doesn’t change the fact that the Royal Air Force (a standing air force) benefited British civilians by protecting them from the Luftwaffe’s bombing raids during the Battle of Britain…”

    It depends entirely on how one defines “standing air force”.

  64. Arv says:

    @Michael: Holy shit! Who knew polacks were good at anything.

  65. probablynotworthit says:


    Reagan presided over huge expansions of govt spending / intrusive power.

    That’s not really the reason I hate him, which has more to do with Latin American / Africa death squads and such, but still… IF YOU’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT POLITICS (which is pretty much boring) then I feel the need to correct you with boring but true facts.


  66. Julius Seizure says:

    I realize I’m anonymous, smarmy desktop asshole here (methinks it’s contagious) and am not really adding anything constructive, but wow. Just WOW. That sure was a downward spiral of internet comment board pseudo-intellectualism. Worse than any YouTube comments I’ve ever read. I’m dumber now for having read the entire exchange between Dragler and Arv.

    “Just the Coast Guard”? Really guys?

  67. dragler says:

    Julius- who was going to attack America? Pearl Harbour was utterly preventable. You think the commmies or someone was going to invade New York?

    I don’t doubt that the US military acted bravely in, say, the Korean war or Vietnam or Panama but I don’t think you could say particpating in those wars had a positive impact on our economy. quite the contrary.

  68. Julius Seizure says:

    Ok so let’s go with the premise of “just the Coastguard.” In order for it to be effective and protect the U.S., it’d have to be large enough and encompass enough logistic wherewithal to do it’s job–i.e., maritime, air, land, intel, etc. Then it’s not the Coast Guard anymore, it’s a bunch of different branches of military and law enforcement (sound familiar?). The Coast Guard as it stands can’t even stop 8 year old Cuban boys from floating in on Flotsam. Which is not to say they don’t serve a valuable purpose, I’m just saying it’s hard enough already for them.

    Furthermore, let’s say Putin (today) or Hitler (then) or some other despotic kook with a bunch red buttons at his disposal knows that the greatest power since Rome only has the Coastguard standing between him and his wettest of dreams. C’mon.

    As to war being good for the economy, the Revolutionary War birthed the U.S., the Civil War basically invented industry, WWII made us rich again. Thing with wars, though, you’ve got to be on the winning side to turn a profit.

  69. Julius Seizure says:

    ^I meant flotsam (lowercase), not one half of the villainous duo of eels in Disney’s The Little Mermaid.

  70. dragler says:

    well the revolutionary war was just and was a rebellion against an oocupying power though in retrospect, mild taxation with a monarch who lives on the other side of the ocean doesn’t sound too bad. I’d disagree with the alleged benefits of the civil war and world war 2. in the civil war you’ve got 600,000 dead. Who knows how many entrepenours or whatever you wiped out and there are many ways to skin a cat as far as technological innovations are concerned. Like people always says the army invented the internet. Well, yeah but they didn’t do it while invading Cuba or something they did it in labs that could have been anyone doing any sort of research on something.

    I’m not trying to make a boring libertarian case against the military, the point of this was when the guy said “more govt spending just means more government jobs” as if there were no drawbacks to establishing tax funded programs or that we could suspend the laws of economics and just give people wealth like manna from heaven.

    Also, the US military is so unbelievably gigantic right now it’s hard to fathom the stuff we are talking about in regards to Hitler or Putin or whatever. If we had no military yes other countries AS THEY EXIST NOW would probably have designs on taking us over though we have like the highest gun ownership rating we’ve ever had. However, being in the pole position as far as military influence if we were to go radically in the opposite direction other countries may follow or the peoples may force them to.

    my outlook is economic. WHat could you conceivably not spend money on even if it’s a little uncomfortable? The miltary you are making bullets that they are going to shoot out into the desert somewhere and the guy who is shooting it might get killed in the process. It’s like pissing away resources with a firehose. They sell it by wrapping it in all this nationalist stuff but it makes no sense as far as our balance sheet is concerned. I say get rid of the whole thing. It’s a big headache.

  71. dragler says:

    also, if another country took us over now they would incur what, 14 trillion in debt?

  72. Julius Seizure says:

    ^ No, they would inherit the greatest infrastructure the world has ever seen. You think Rome paid off the standing debts of everyone they conquered? Did the Allies pay off any Axis debts?

    ^^ Ok, I agree the Am Rev was not your standard war of aggression and was more political in its execution, but I can’t agree that the taxation and subsequent persecution imposed via the crown was mild and not deserving of recourse. As to the 600,000 dead, yes, but how many rapists, criminals, half-wits and other kinds of loser stock were killed off? Most casualties were Southern, so probably more Deliverance extras than Mensa candidates I assume (vulgar and hasty generalization but probably more true than not). Very few officers and educated men suffered in this conflict when compared to the massive casualties inflicted upon the frontline farmer. And I don’t care what anyone says, the massive industrialism forced upon us via WWII–not the the New Deal–got us out of the mess we were in back then. For example, Aristotle Onassis couldn’t have made his fortune sans the leftover surplus of freighters he purchased from the U.S. at an all time bargain bin price. There are countless more instances like this across the board and they all contributed to unprecedented Western economic growth.

    It seems to me you rest your cause on two foundations: 1, a noble and humanitarian, but ultimately ignorant, idea that all life is deserved its 75 years (or whatever the current average is), also that silly postmodern mantra that all civilizations are equal; 2, the greatest defense of economic security in any Democratic Republic is NOT a fully equipped and capable standing army.

    From Greek city states to Rome to Britain, to Israel and the U.S., by and large it’s been ultra Conservative principles that fostered the greatest results militarily and economically. I guess that’s just what it is. I’m Westernized and loving it. I don’t feel a liberal stance or your kind of unchecked liberalism has worked or will ever. I’m just a Bill Buckley/Reagan-esque funny-fucking-duddy conservative, and I don’t even have a yacht or anything. Weird.

  73. ChimChim says:

    I can never tell if Gavin just wants to piss off the liberals or if he’s actually being genuine. It’s a bit like that hipsterunoff guy.

  74. dragler says:

    “Most casualties were Southern, so probably more Deliverance extras than Mensa candidates I assume (vulgar and hasty generalization but probably more true than not). ”

    I’m sure Jim Goad, Senator Jim Webb, Bill Clinton, Buddy Holly, Elvis, and other non mensa southern expendables would agree with this measured assessment.

    “And I don’t care what anyone says, the massive industrialism forced upon us via WWII–not the the New Deal–got us out of the mess we were in back then”

    I would certainly agree about the New Deal but it’s not possible that ONLY a war could have gotten us out of the depression. How can pointing a gun at someone and pulling the trigger the onyl way to create wealth? unless you were a mercenary or something. There was insane austerity during those years and recycling metals and stuff for the war effort. People went without alot of things. Plus we won so no Versailles treaty type stuff to drag us down.

    1. Yes everyone is entitled to live a full life. We aren’t some barbaric culture that throws virgins into volcanos or maybe we are and thats the problem.

    “From Greek city states to Rome to Britain, to Israel and the U.S., by and large it’s been ultra Conservative principles that fostered the greatest results militarily and economically.”

    as Randolph Borne said “war is the health of the state”. The pentagon is not out in the heartland it’s in washingotn, it’s staffed by beaurocrats and paid for with tax dollars and is as inept and cost ineffient as any other government entity. War is liberal, not conservative. WIlson FDR JFK, LBJ Clinton, all these guys were democrats.

    Also Israel? Regardless of ones opinion of them they exist because they are under US protection. We give them billions a year. It’s nothing like Greece or the US. The UN didn’t force the Indians to let us have Plymouth Rock. They also have socialized medicine, heavily state controlled economy, etc. Only to a hard core religous person could say a kibutz be regarded as “conservative”. it’s more obviously socialist.

  75. Julius Seizure says:

    Well, that’s my rant and I’m sticking to it.

    P.S. Goad was born in Pennsylvania, a “big city redneck” at best and would most likely agree with my geographically racist assessment anyway. Even if he doesn’t, bah!

  76. whatevs says:

    Is it just me or did Palin say ‘SOUTH Korean allies’ in that clip?

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