Posted by
SBTVC
• 04.13.09 11:00 am


There are 10 and only 10 types of tits in the world. If you have too many abortions you will have weird pizza tits. If you have a lot of kids you will have shitty tits too but who cares at that point, right?

There are 10 and only 10 types of tits in the world. If you have too many abortions you will have weird pizza tits. If you have a lot of kids you will have shitty tits too but who cares at that point, right? Fake tits don’t count as a type of tit because they are man made. Anyone who is into fake tits is a twisted asexual. My dad could shave his chest and get fake tits put in. How can anyone find that attractive?


Comments
  1. JuCIFER says:

    Agreed, fake tits are like floating orbs…
    And don’t get me started on Breast Calcification.

  2. these are the 10 types of tits you can have if you’re 18. There is no representation of flappy titties or jogging titties or I have 10 african babies titties, or christina applegate titties or banana shaped titties.

  3. and we’re are the giant faded nipple titties that come up the whole boob? Someone reading this has those, and lemme tell you, errr nevermind I dont wanna ruin your week.

  4. Anonymous says:

    holding strong with 4s. i would consider fake tittays if they came with a fake milk dispenser. i would love to lactate all over someone.

  5. maurice del taco says:

    3 is my sweet spot, nopedo

  6. oface says:

    I agree and would like to add that any type of body modification, is pretty disgusting and degrading. I’m talking about facelifts and collagen injections; the works. However, I’ve never seen butt implants, but I’ve heard of them. That could be nice. Butts are hard anyway, but boobs should not be. Swing low sweet chariots!

  7. JuCIFER says:

    OH NOOOOO!!

    Butt implants are the saddest thing in the world.

  8. Splooge says:

    3 and 4 are my jams. Especially if they have slender (not skinny) upper bodies, strong hips/thighs/legs and a round-ish ass.

  9. shnake says:

    numbers 3-6.

    mostly number three is the best though

  10. imyar says:

    i’m a 3 i want to lie and say 3.5 though sigh.

  11. Arv says:

    Holy Fuck. You should take a look at the link JuCIFER posted. Scary shit.

  12. homeless. says:

    I am all about 4 & 5, but not 4 – 5. Thank god for japo-pervert illustrators

  13. homeless. says:

    9 gives a mean beej

  14. ZLUR says:

    Fake tits rule!

  15. Ruby says:

    I can’t decide if I am 6 or 7. 6.5 maybe.

  16. Ruby says:

    0 is scary and hilarious, especially with the man hand daintily holding the arm.

  17. Jim Beam says:

    I’m a 6 man. A 6, 6 man.

  18. When i’m on birth control pills i’m a solid itty bitty’d 4…
    but now that i’m not on it well i’m not even on the chart.
    My boobs look like =
    ( o )( .)

  19. Annie says:

    3 is me.

  20. DoleeBolee says:

    ^^^^

    tits or gtfo

  21. Legal Tender. says:

    Clearly everyone saying they don’t dig fake tits is a woman. But lets just think about fake tits for a second…

    When doctors and surgeons came up with fake tits, did they say “Hey, let’s make tits that no man would ever find attractive! No, they said “Lets make tits that every guy will fucking drool over.” Now it’s taken some time, some fake tits looked bolted on — some had weird cleavage…but now about 60% of fake tits look like Double D tits that belong to an eighteen year old yoga teacher.

    Don’t kid yourselves ladies, guys want firm tits like women want a big cock. That simple. It’s not a necessity but it’s certainly a nice perk. (Pun very much intended)

  22. Jim Beam says:

    I respect Legal Tender.

  23. Martin & Co. says:

    HAHA These same women that say they don’t like firm tits prefer circumcised cocks. Huge hypocrisy going on.

    It’s all aesthetics, you dumb plugs. Women want a cock that looks like it’s ready for game just like guys want tits that look like they’re made for tit fucking.

  24. Anonymous says:

    they only want them if they don’t think they can get perfect real tits. if they can are in a position to land perfect real tits, they’ll do anything to be with you. fake tits are for guys who think money can buy class, sex appeal and respect. they’ve got guido mentality. trust.

  25. Nash Trucks says:

    Legal Tender = bang on.

    “oface Says: I agree and would like to add that any type of body modification, is pretty disgusting and degrading.”

    I’m willing to bet your dad and all your boyfriends were circumcised. That’s a major form of body modification. You lose.

  26. Randolphin. says:

    Ruby, tell my wife I love someone else.

  27. imyar says:

    hey i LOVE fake tits don’t lump me in with the girls posing as guys. the smartest thing heidi montag ever did was get implants now if only she could get one for her face, and brain. she fails for marrying that cabbage patch kid.

  28. bob "swervin' nervin' " barker says:

    fuck it with the number three tits.
    what the fuck is wrong with you pedophiles?

    4-6.

    gotdamned faggots.

  29. I Represent Itty Bitty Titties says:

    I’m a girl and a #3 and proud..
    .but honestly. Bigger boobs? don’t usually look THAT round a perfect as depicted in the illustrated chart. Sorry mens .
    and it’s rare for a girl have tiny perfect sized nips at that size. – there are exceptions if your lucky.
    Sadly, most of the time with bigger boobs you get really saggy tits, odd pancake sized nipples, downward pointing nipples..and on some occasions the dreaded stray long dark hair surrounding the nipple.and those make me sad.
    Atleast with#2-#4 chances are higher that you’ll find a nice perky set of boobs.
    But even more sad are the itty bitties with pancake nipples AND sag. It’s very unfortunate.

    If your desperate you’ll go for the fake tits… but their lifeless and cruel

  30. whiners suck says:

    I’m also a girl and a #3 (go #3s!), but I don’t have anything against fake tits, if they are done well. Saline is back and its nice and squishy, not like de other ones. I would get them if after nursing a kid (if I have one) my tats turn into deflated orangutan titties. I have no problem with plastic surgery and I think that anyone who cares so much about other people doing it to their bods probs has their own insecurities. Oh and uncircumcised is better.

  31. Anonymous says:

    i would fucking retch if i touched a guy’s dick or nuts and they were filled with saline or silicone. i don’t know how some guys don’t get skeeved by fake titters. as one gentleman put it, “they look great in a dress but there’s nothing worse than getting them home and finding out they’re fake.”

  32. Ugly says:

    Can’t back Legal Tender on this…. I can’t remember the site, but it’s a quiz to pick out the fake tits from the real tits. I got 10/10. I don’t want firm tits anyway, I want that soft natural feel above and beyond all else. Do not confuse perky with firm. I’m not saying all boob jobs are unpleasing to my eye, but many women go for obnoxious and end up with boobs that look way too out of place for their bodies.

  33. I Represent Itty Bitty Titties says:

    I also agree about uncircumcised being better. despite feeling better but.
    i dont think if i had a baby boy that i could let a doctor do that to him al because of superficial standards..and if some dumb bitch whined about his penis.Then ditch the petty slut. Same concept applies to a girl. Fake tits…. seem to be results of insecurities.. and i think that’s what i find to be unattractive about it.

    HOWEVER i’ve seen drag queen with amazing fake tits..and alot of women with cheap and awful looking boobs.
    . I do admit and if i were older and my tits looked like shit after breastfeeding. i would probably opt for a boob lift… i would’nt add to what was’nt there.because i don’t think that should fill your void.
    Go to a therapist .. changing your exterior only helps SO much. But if you really really want a boob job…
    . I’m not totally against fake tits…But like it should be like- do it for you. and not for acceptance and admitting that your nothing more a cock socket.
    But to each their own. if fake tits is you thing..then like i hope its that you like big books because you really do… not because it’s what society tells you. . Real tits and uncircumcised dicks FTW.

  34. Anonymous says:

    “Don’t kid yourselves ladies, guys want firm tits like women want a big cock.”

    fyi, you don’t know from gross until you’ve had a 10 or 11 inch freakish monstrosity of a dick in your hands. gross. if you’re a size queen and that’s your fetish, fine but most women don’t want to deal with a dick that size. just unappealing and horrible like a half dead animal that just lies there looking at you for help when you know you’re not equipped or inclined to do what needs to be done. it’s like trying to date a guy that’s 8 feet tall. sure, it’s fun to tell the story about the franken-dick around the campfire, it’s as rare and special as a bigfoot sighting, but it’s not like you want that thing in your orifices on a regular basis – or ever.

  35. Cuntegonde says:

    i remember watching rock of love bus and Farra (big fake tits) said something about how if someone touched her nipple it hurt.
    no dude wants to get home from staring at those monster tits for her to say, ‘but don’t touch my nipples’. thats the best part!

  36. g says:

    i am between two and three helllllllllll yeah

  37. jessica says:

    listen up motherfuckers, circumcision isn’t aesthetic, it originated for hygienic purposes so FUCK OFFFFFFFFF

  38. Melvin says:

    4-7 please

  39. rainbow bukkake says:

    as a girl i find titty fucking completely retarded. I don’t like getting my chin pounded. Infact it bores the shit out of me.

  40. Books & Backpacks says:

    ^^probably what your boyfriends felt when listening to you talk

  41. todd says:

    5

  42. todd says:

    hahaha Jessica, have you actually read where circumcission came from? It’s invented by a gay guy named Harvey Kellog to stop boys from jacking it. 100% of medical professionals say it’s unneeded and as such people who get it now just get it for aesthetic reasons you big dumb bitch hahaha

  43. cornfucker says:

    0′s the best! I like them muscly. Umm yeah

  44. Legal Tender. says:

    Yeah, Jessica — what parents can’t teach their kids to clean their own cocks? Guys will naturally learn to keep their junk clean if they want women anywhere near it anyhow. Your arguement is flawed. We don’t live in the Middle East, sand is not blowing under dudes’ hoods.

    Anon, I wasn’t suggesting the tits be massive and fake. I definitely wouldn’t think women would prefer an eleven inch dick. You took that in the wrong way entirely. What I was suggesting is that women would prefer a nice thick 7 inch dick to a pencil thin 4 inch dick the same way a man would prefer a nice firm C cup to A’s. Either way it’s not going to make or break a womans looks for a guy but to say that a man is a twisted asexual for wanting sizeable firm tits is just absurd.

    Clearly porn stars and trophy wives take it to the extreme and go overboard but I was never speaking in those terms.

  45. sadface says:

    i think im a straight up 2. id like to pretend im almost a 3 but… im not. BOO!

  46. Stevenson says:

    Ugly have you ever felt fake tits? I was at the bar the other day and two of the three bartenders had fake breasts, it’s a little cheesy but they were nice to look at and as the nite went on the drinks encouraged one of the bartennders to let me feel her boobs. they honestly felt like real tits just a tad more firm. i heard that they can get harder after 5-10 years though.

  47. smelly cat says:

    I’m also bored by titty fucking. Whassaaaa matter female point of veiw making you uncomfortable? Not everyones into the same shit you know. Getting a dick crammed between my cleavage does absolutely nothing for me. and it’s not my idea of a fun time.
    although i’d be more willing if lets say guys would get better at eating pussy..but since you know we’re generalizing here. give a little get a little right? If like a guy realllly wanted to titty fuck ok.. WHATEVER but like i think itd help guys to realize…that most girls arent into getting their titties fucked It’s a bit demoralizing and that in itself can be a turn off
    ..infact I would prefer it guys get better at plain old sex first before they try to cross any mountains…so to speak.

  48. smegma says:

    2-3 titties with nipple rings. ANYDAY. big tits with nipples rings don’t usually turn out so good.
    Not into the fake ass tits that are as round as grape fruits. I prefer my boobs squishy and jiggly.

  49. Smelly Cat says:

    I am absolutely terrible in the sack but I blame it on being molested by my uncle as a child. With that being said, no man will ever rival his performances.

  50. Smelly Cat says:

    smegma = 13-16 years old.

    What the fuck is the difference between digging tits with nipple rings (ie; body modification) and fake tits? God, I bet your friends hate you.

  51. smegma says:

    Actually i’m a girl ….And i have my nipples peirced… fake tits seem to be a societies standard..or big boobs equals what men want… so impressionable girls go out and get boobs done because they want to please men and not themselves IF THEY wanted bigger boobs That’s another thing.
    but do it for yourself and not like what you think people want from you..
    Mutilation isnt really the issue here. NO nipple rings arent what i look for in a girl SHIT stop assuming.
    I’m talking about nipple rings on MY Small titties.. nobody elses. And nipple rings…arent so much about appearance.. but they are more pleasure for MYSELF. Yep i know troubling a girl getting pleasure from her own boobs. They feel great… the appearance is merely an after thought … ..Altho i really do like how they look.

  52. (dr.)ew says:

    Fake tits are gross. According to my freudian analysis if your a guy and you like fake tits your either under fifteen or over 30, and probably poor. Your subconscious will always associate fake tits with disposable income (a.k.a credit card debt) and all the things you wish you could do with it ( like get enough coke to impress some strippers so they’ll totally blow you, bra!! That’ll totally show the guy that stole your promotion/mercilessly teased you in highschool/ all the girls that told you they had boyfriends whenever you tried to pick them up!
    if your a girl and you (claim) you like fake tits then you just want boys to like.Your dearest dream is to be the cool girl that boys think is funny and is still a total hottie even though your still just one of the dudes. so you get those fake tits. Now boys do pay attention to you! yay! And they even say your cool and your laugh at your jokes. It must be because they like you for personality. But then its two weeks later and Josh/chad/dylan never called you back and you have to borrow the abortion money from your manager at the strip club because you emptied your bank account to pay for the tits and now you have to smile your whitestrips smile while you shake your mystic tanned $8,000 plastic orbs while another set of joshs and chads and dylans get drunk on vanilla bacardi and pepsi as they try to forget about the lost promotion and high school beatings and the empty studio apartment waiting for them when they get home from their 30th birthday bash with the fellas, because right now they have it all. they have fake tits.

  53. (dr.)ew says:

    ^ now wheres my book deal!

  54. Beef says:

    3 and 4 rule. Mouthfuls are all you need. After some sucking, titties are pretty much useless.

  55. Martin & Co. says:

    HAHA jesus, did Drew ever miss the boat on that one! I hate your colomun and you relentlessly remind me why.

    Firstly, the absolute last thing guys think about when they look at fake tits is disposable incomes. No, they think about them along these lines – “Wow, I wonder if those are real” or “I wonder how they feel” or “I bet those would look great in the mirror bouncing around while I pounded her doggystyle.” You don’t have a PHD in Psych, it’s really unflattering when you pretend to.

    We see what you tried to do there, you started to get elitist and link fake tits with the jocks of the world. That’s simple elitism and that’s okay but you know what elitism is? It’s a form of coping with your own insecurities. Lets get a few things straight, just because you want bigger boobs doesn’t mean you need to go the whole nine yards and get double d’s and a fake tan and blonde hair and start dating douchebags. That’s childish to assume that’s the type of girls that get fake tits. Some girls just have bad boobs and want better looking ones. If they need it to boost their self confidence so be it. Some people need the bible, some need drugs, some people need fake tits.

    Fuck, if my cock was on public display like girls breasts are, I would want an upgrade too.

  56. Martin & Co. says:

    Also, have you seen Drews’ tits? They’re fucking big and nice. Of course you’re going to reem fake tits, chances are you’ve never had any insecurities about your own rack.

    You’re see through, you don’t have enough secrets.

  57. Anonymous says:

    (dr.)ew is 100% correct.

  58. (dr.)ew says:

    thank you, martin & co., for proving my hypothesis so, so correct.

  59. (dr.)ew says:

    I just said my own post was 100% correct and got busted, fuck.

  60. ronaldinho says:

    “Correct.” Let’s type it some more

    drew got busted

  61. Kennedy says:

    Uh, you left out floppy weasel head tits.

  62. Anonymous says:

    women who get implants are the same ones who tell the guys not to worry about a condom even when the guy’s got a big ole herp blister on his cock. awful.

    i wish women like that would realize one thing: you’ve got all the power. men have none, not in this area. there’s nothing for you to prove to them, it’s the other way around. they might rule the world but you rule when it comes to sex. make them bend to your will, use/abuse them and then toss them aside. make up all sorts of arbitrary rules for them to follow and then, when they do, tell them to get lost anyway and move on to the next and then the next, the next, the next. i swear to god if you do, you can have 95% of the straight men in the world at your beck and call, easily, for as long as you like.

  63. ew says:

    (dr.) ew at 11:24 you don’t have to pretend to be me and lie to make your self feel better. Just call up the bras and shell out the $75 bucks so Krystal can tell you how big your dick is.

  64. Stephen King says:

    Check out Drews big floppy tits and her liberal mom, here.

    http://bp1.blogger.com/_DuXhME5engQ/SAF9wwRvVII/AAAAAAAAAgg/58eYsfXJ4RM/s1600-h/041208_13093.jpg

  65. Stephen King says:

    Strange Cargo, indeed.

  66. Maxwel says:

    What about 70′s Tits… Quite possibly the most overlooked and unappreciated categories of tits. Watch Vanishing Point and tell me the girl on the motorcycle doesn’t have aaaaammmaaaaazzzzziiiinnnnggg tits. What happened to them, and why aren’t they on the list?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA4ymmXa8rs

  67. WELL STEVEN KING I JUST WANT TO RESPOND TO YOU WITH THE TITLE OF ONE OF YOU’RE MOST FAMOUS BOOKS: “I WOULD SUCK EM”

  68. idk says:

    I can honestly say 5.. teardrop shape happening, not on my collarbone, and I worked in a lingerie store for 2 years and I know in the summer I was a solid 30DD before I gained a bunch of stupid weight

  69. Randolphin says:

    Drew, how can you suggest a man shouldn’t be attracted to a womans’ fake breasts as a result of their reasoning (or lack therof) for getting them? People seek approval from others, it’s just in our nature. You are a fantastic example of this, you seek our approval everytime you write your column for this website. Why is a woman getting fake breasts for mens approval any worse than the 1.3 billion people that smoke cigarettes because they think it makes them look cool and sexy and seek their peers approval?

    How is it that much different from someone getting a tattoo? Yeah, you like the piece of art, you want it forever. Well get it framed, and put it on your wall. But that just wouldn’t be as “cool”.

    I think your issue, and a lot of other womens issue with fake breasts is that it’s cheating. You can have a killer set of D’s that are firm and natural and a woman can walk into a room with a better set of breasts (sometimes) because she paid 20 grande. It would suck.

  70. stinky wizzle teets says:

    with the posting of that picture, sbtvc officially became a chan.

  71. ew says:

    christ, no wonder you fucktards love fake tits so much. You’re all too stupid to differentiate between the word ew and the name Drew.

  72. Vane$$a says:

    Anything larger than 5 is a big stinky freak-show that likely entails areola pubes and boob jam. Anything smaller than 3 and I’m crying real tears, unless of course the rest of her boobs are lodged in her ass. See what I’m sayin’?

  73. homeless. says:

    you guys and your fake tits are so gay! sure they are cool when you see them all packaged up like a pair of chicken breasts at the super market, but when you finally get them in your mouth, you start to regret that you slow cooked them in the microwave for 25 minutes and they’re all stiff, dead and impersonal.

    But if a chick has got some wack-ass titties, had some health probs or she’s old and dem tings are all blown out, then go for it, fill em up like pair of jordan pumps.

  74. Rubyy says:

    I like 4s the best. Probably cuz i’m in love with my own tits.

    Fake boobs aren’t attractive && I’m not just sayin that cuz im female. Believe me i truly appreciate a nice pair of boobs.

    && I know alot of 16-18 yr old girls in their “prime tit years” who have the giant ass flesh colored nipples, or fuckin boobs that are shaped like tubes comin out of their chest.

    I think this post needs a redo.

  75. Idontknowbut says:

    my tits are not up there.

  76. anonymous says:

    after 3, these all look like fake tits. 1 in like 300 women with big tits have a natural 4 or maybe a five. the ones after are just impossible. it’s ridiculous that you don’t like implants but you think these represent real boobs. i went swimming topless with 30 of my friends a bunch of times and none of them had tits this firm. they’re all really fit scuba divers and they’re in their early 20s. it’s fucking anime, brother. those are realistic as those huge ass eyes.
    and my friend who does mammograms just backed me up and said this is bullshit.

  77. anonymous says:

    this is so offensive. Drew’s tits are NOT saggy. they’re saggier than the tits in that photo, but that’s because all big tits are.
    Here’s Scarlett Johansson’s sought-after breasts and even they sag, okay?
    http://www.mollygood.com/r-is-for-real-20070531/
    And that dress could also be holding them up a little. See? You guys don’t know shit about what breasts look like.

  78. homeless. says:

    my girls got 4′s that look like the ones on here. its pretty sweet.

  79. homeless. says:

    wait i meant 5′s

  80. maurice del taco says:

    east asian chicks have perfect breasts at any size, thus the illustrator’s frame of reference. Gs up hoes down

  81. Christine. says:

    Chicks hate tits.

  82. just a runt bear uh gay says:

    http://www.wwtdd.com/photo.phtml?post_key=22612&photo_key=94141

    Kelly Brooks tits are perfection.

  83. Gawker P. Van Ainitcool says:

    I’m dating a 6 and it’s s’nice when she’s on top and they are gently brushing your chest

    Y’all representing the #3′s should try it…it’ll straiten you out ;-)

  84. @ just a runt says:

    Exceot these are what Kelly Brook’s breasts look like topless. They’re not up there.

    http://www.egotastic.com/image-nsfw?path=0801/kelly-brook-topless-10.jpg&info=Kelly Brook Topless Pictures

    Gawker- Just so you know, that means each of her tits are as big as her head. Maybe she has tits that big, but they are 110% not as perky as the ones up there. No saying they’re not really hot, just saying that’s impossible, genius.

  85. Tim says:

    this article is retarded. except for the last two, the boobies are just on a size scale. not really types. and there ARE types.

  86. Just another gay bear. says:

    Fuck, Kelly Brook, really? I’ll take firm 4′s any day of the week.

  87. Tim says:

    plus nipples are what makes the boobies

  88. Anonymous says:

    i think that 4-5 is good, anything bigger is obnoxious

  89. Cyprus says:

    “well, we all know theirs huge benefits to register a company in Cyprus, lol. My account pointed me to a few blogs on the net which i’m rather reluctant to check out as i’ve been so busy lately”

  90. ding says:

    fake boobs are ok when they are done just to lift something up a little or to stretch out a slight saginess …..but when they pump em up so they look like skin pulled over a light blub i just laugh and shake me head cos them girls will only attract guido’s – and you dont wanna be living with those sorts of yobbo’s

  91. Anonymous says:

    My tits are 0. But I’m a guy.

  92. Anonymous says:

    im holding on just fine with 8 but guys always stare at me

  93. Yosef Brosef says:

    For all you punks who think they know about circumsision, fuck off. I had to get circumsision surgery done to be able to have sex so it isn’t just for aesthetic purposes dumbasses


Leave A Reply