Posted by
Jesse Andrew
• 11.26.12 09:15 am


Generally speaking, women are only spontaneous when having a heavy buzz on or chasing dick.

Other than that, tremendous thought is put into their every move. It’s all right there in Instagram. See, a woman wants nothing more than to have other women believe she lives a totally busy lifestyle. A woman wants men to desire to fuck them, and she wants other chicks to be jealous of her belongings (skinny figure, husband, boyfriend, children, clothes, car, house, etc.).

It’s all right there in Instagram because anytime a woman does absolutely anything she feels the need to post a picture and the problem is, they all look so terribly staged. Every picture is perfectly angled so that every cute element can be seen and played off naturally as if, “Oops, I didn’t know my new cute dress was showing!”

Whatever, bitch—you’re busted. Say it’s a picture of her new nail polish, but really her favorite shoes, her bracelets, and the perfect belt to match her new $200 skinny jeans she’s been playing dress-up with for the past 45 minutes. It’s all packaged together and played off as if she didn’t plan this shit all morning. You know I’m speaking the truth because whatever the object is that the picture is supposed to be about is not the center of the picture (usually crammed up in the right-hand corner so that everything else can be seen). I see this every day and it makes me laugh. Why can’t they ever say that the picture is really about making other women jealous?

Say a group of chicks you know goes out to dinner together. While said dinner is happening, you have to see the same picture six different times because they all post it wanting to show of the fact they had a nine-dollar drink. It’s hilarious because of how transparent it is, but really these pictures are not for the men; we don’t exist. These pictures are for women only and silently whisper, “That’s right, bitches! While you’re at home soaking in your own pathetic lifestyles, I’m out having fancy drinks, and peep how fucking good I look, too! Suck it, cunts! PAAAAAAAAARTY!!!!! WAAAAAAA!!!!!”

When decoding that message it simply states: My life is better than yours, bitch. Women don’t realize how phony and transparent their actions are when it comes to Instagram. This is something only men see, because the women are too wrapped up in the game.

“Ugh, that cow has those shoes?!?”

It’s a picture of her cat, but really her shoes. I may have been pushing it with the Instagramming-pictures-of-alcohol part, because I do that shit, too (but for other reasons which are boredom when no one is talking to me.) I’ll post a pic of my beer and empty shot glass as if anyone viewing the picture gives a fuck. Men don’t; women do. This is the problem with social media because it makes ordinary women believe that they live interesting lives and they don’t! But they try to fake that shit. Peep my Cosmo w/a lemon twist, cunt! Of course afterward she’s going home to eat a full bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, but no one needs to know that. She won’t be posting a perfectly filtered picture of that shit. For women, filters are like makeup and every last one of them must be clicked on before the final approval can be given, but that’s a whole other paragraph, and my shitty microwave pizza is ready.

Peace, you Instagram bitches!

 

—JESSE ANDREW

 


Comments
  1. RED says:

    One problem: If you’re aware that all 5 girls took a picture of the same event, that means you clicked on each one of them. In other words, people are out having fun and you’re sitting at home, looking at their pictures, and blogging about how boring they are.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Lol, Nice post.

  3. Jesse Andrew says:

    RED, you don’t click anything, it’s one feed. Google Instagram.

  4. pfft says:

    Instagram is boring and this ‘article’ is written incredibly badly.

  5. mattt says:

    chill

  6. Pogi says:

    Protip: always request to follow a hot chicks who has a private account coz that usually means they occasionally post naked self pics

  7. pantagruel says:

    @pogi is an american hero


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