Posted by
Stephanie Cafarella
• 04.12.11 10:00 am


Do all babes with art degrees, vintage store employment and creative talent have a huge bush? Does a bare pussy automatically reaffirm the fact that you’re boning a regular club-going, Jaeger-drinking slut?

Since you can’t tell by talking to someone, it’s nearly impossible to make a correlation between one’s personality and their vag coif — unless, that is, you’ve fucked. Do all babes with art degrees, vintage store employment and creative talent have a huge bush? Does a bare pussy automatically mean you’re a regular club-going, Jaeger-drinking slut?

The recent boom in proudly displaying full bush like an American flag on an ex-Senator’s lawn has even got me pondering the state of my own fem-coif.
Between the dark haze peeking through sheer panties sold on American Apparel’s website and the fuzz of Chloe Sevigny in Purple Fashion Magazine’s Fall/Winter 2010 spread, bush — and lots of it — has been scheming its return.

I’m not talking about the untamed, beastly variety, but flaunting a little something extra on top is the new photographic accessory, picking up where the peace sign never really caught on. Bottomless snapshots like those by Sandy Kim or editorials like Paz de la Huerta straddling a motorcycle sans pants are slowly outnumbering those fully clothed and, each time, displaying a noticeable amount of hair.

Ever notice Bedford Ave’s studding of waxing parlors? … Exactly. The 1990-2000s Brazilian trend is seemingly no longer. Williamsburg’s quasi-hippies and pseudo-feminists alike can rest easy at the thought of lower-maintenance bush and a more convincing façade. The perpetually lazy can feel no shame in skipping a week or two. The ‘70s were feral, the ‘80s were linear and the ‘90s were bald, but this recent surge in tailored bush just might make life a little easier for us — not to mention offering guys a furry reminder that the gal you’re boning won’t result in jail time.

Now, not all women are invested in this hairy effort. The baldness below of Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Cassie have inspired me to question the correlation between those of us who shave it clean off and those of us who leave it be. So maybe there is a connection between personality and fem-coiffure. Generalizing, you may be able to conclude that the lady parts at the crowded nightclubs in Meatpacking are as bare as pre-pubescence, while they’re a little more grizzly at a bar in Williamsburg.

But this raises two important questions:

1. Is there a “right” coif to have?

2. Do men’s preferences coincide with the type of girls they like to fuck?

-STEPHANIE CAFARELLA


Comments
  1. Bri Time says:

    If you want me licking your pussy then don’t have anything that will get in the way. Otherwise I don’t give a shit.

  2. homeless says:

    I’m pro bush

  3. Jono says:

    i’ve found myself enjoying porn with not-completely-shaven girls quite frequently as of late. i cant explain why.

  4. Baby Rik says:

    I think Bri Time might like the feeling of two balls slapping against his chin.

  5. BRy says:

    Im not pro bush but I’m not against either. I’d prefer a chihuahua, but I’ll eat whatever you put in front of me.

  6. FaceHeadAss says:

    Get. Out. Of. Brooklyn.

    Is this the same reasoning that girls use to justify high-waisted jorts, retard bangs, and granny glasses? Just one too many American Apparel ads, bad indie films, and visits to SC and wham! It’s ok to have a huge bush.

    It’s ironic. Counterintuitive. But only if you’re SMOKING hot. Like, you better be a fucking 8.5 AT LEAST. Also, your pussy better taste like WATER. Otherwise, it’s B.O. crotch for you.

  7. luke says:

    Bri Time is right. Politically I agree that women shouldn’t be held to the standards of porn actors, and it’s probably a pain in the ass(ish) to have to keep that shit bare, so fuck it, do whatever you want. That said, if you want a lot of attention, mouth-wise, down there, it really does make it a lot easier and more pleasant to have a clearer path to the goal. Dudes should also keep their shit maintained, but there’s really not much hope for making that whole mess down there look much better.

  8. milk is chillin says:

    Team #Jaeger-drinking-slut

  9. do what you do, if you are attractive to who you attract then they will already be all up in there, regardless.

  10. Anonymous says:

    I don’t give a fuck. If I’m at the point where I’m about to eat it or fuck it, I could care less if it’s bald or bushy, I’m going in.

  11. Baby Rik says:

    I think FaceHeadAss might just like a couple of balls slapping against his chin. So angry.

  12. luke says:

    In order for balls to literally slap against chins they dick has to be really small, or the balls really long, right?

  13. Baby Rik says:

    Seriously? Are you having felatio with squirrels?

  14. Frank Fittesaft says:

    @luke

    balls pretty long, otherwise throat depth + gravity

  15. Dragon says:

    Bush?
    Gross. my face will go nowhere near there unless AT LEAST trimmed really short.
    Fuckin art school crowd.

  16. sho nuff says:

    is this essay meant as some litmus test for whether or not you should shave, lady?
    do whatever feels right to you b/c when it comes down to it, dudes don’t REALLY give a fuck, unless they’re gay or a pedifile. however, the pussy eating point is totally valid. also, if you’re with someone long enough, it matters. gotta do something to keep it interesting every once in a while.

  17. luke says:

    Also, when you’re a dude, treat your balls like a Victorian court homo taking his monthly perfume and powder bath. Not saying you have to be a metro full groom type, but throw some fucking powder or lightly scented lotion down there to cover up the awful scent of your disgusting unwashed butthole.

  18. FaceHeadAss says:

    @Baby Rik – You say one guy likes balls slapping his chin, it’s 4th grade funny. You say it twice, and now YOU’RE the one thinking about balls slapping male chins. Way to troll yourself, idiot.

  19. Baby Rik says:

    @FaceHeadAss

    So angry. Wow. Come on out of that closet- it’s really, really OK. Really.

  20. pj smokey says:

    If I pull out my hairy bush and you are squeamish about a little bit of fuzz, then I don’t want you anywhere near my bush to begin with. If you’re into pussy, you’re going to like it with or without hair.

  21. blaahus poopus says:

    the golden mean is best, like ms. chloe up there. no hair is a little too paedo for me, too much and every time you go down you might as well bring a tooth pick and some floss.

  22. barelyLGL says:

    Favorite article on here in a while.

  23. Tickle Me Probisco says:

    A neatly trimmed hedge does add a little crackle and crunch to the munch. It’s like adding a dash of cayenne! Ole!

    But a full return to the unkempt jungles of yore would be most unwelcome.

  24. Atarilogic says:

    I vote BUSH. Wait…

  25. Tool says:

    Hey, I likes me some poonannie. Don’t tell me I don’t like it if I won’t go down on a big ol’ hairy one. Seriously, hairs in the mouf/throat are no fun.

  26. yikes says:

    I was raised on Playboy, I like trimmed. Middle-ground.

  27. Anonymous says:

    y’all dudes crying about hair in your mouth are weak ass bitches.

  28. no.thanks. says:

    some of you dudes are posting real retarded right now.
    I have been pumping the pro bush campaign for more than a couple of years.
    To the haters saying that a hair pussy smells, you do know that there is such a thing as soap right?
    What sort of dirty skanks are you dudes hanging out with?
    Also, when has it been ok to hate on the way a pussy naturally smells? I mean, the good, positive, rounded aroma, not the rank stuff.
    Most of the girls Im with long term have had bushes and its awesome.
    Also, I’m getting the idea that some of you dont like to eat pussy, hair or no hair, I’m into it, if the presence of hair is making it hard for you to do your job I would maybe rethink your life.

  29. dryrub says:

    bush, trimmed, shaved, whatever, as long as it’s not creatively groomed, like a landing strip or some other cheesey shit, barf

  30. charles says:

    I’m a seasonal bush fan. Furry in the winter, clean in the summer. Like a French woman’s armpits.

  31. yes. please. says:

    ^^Whoa there, no.thanks. You went off half-cocked. Only the oft-whiny faceheadass dribbled on about potential smell. For which candy-assedness he was roundly rebuked (rebutted? ha!) by the crowd.

  32. female says:

    I’ve had dudes willingly go down on my hairy period pussy and not complain. My pussy must taste like magic or something.

  33. no.thanks. says:

    @ yes.please.

    i might have gone off a bit hard, the context is that ive heard a bunch of dudes say goofy shit like the points i brought up.

  34. FaceHeadAss says:

    “the oft-whiny faceheadass.” I fucking love it.

  35. FaceHeadAss says:

    And since we’re here, my personal preference is trimmed short. Like a skinhead that’s been in a coma for a month.

  36. Frank DeFalco says:

    Fashion is about cycles repeating themselves. It was just a matter of time before the bush made a comeback. I grew up in the 80’s so a trimmed bush is where it’s at for me. Add tan lines and I’m in heaven!!

  37. En Flagrante says:

    everyone knows that the best pubes are a lofty tangle of coarse all-grey or white with a whispy corona of those delightful tickly outliers which are hopefully over 4 inches long, six or eight even better.

  38. popfop says:

    like a bit of bush. The kind on Connecticut Chloe and the biker chick are just perfect. Plus, it’s awesome when pussies get a little bit sweaty you just lean down and take a magnificent whiff from the pubic garden.

  39. yup says:

    must be shaved from clit to cornhole. the rest can grow wild for all i care.

  40. ew says:

    yeah if its a problem when people go down on you, just trim up the part they’re actually licking. it doesn’t have to be all or nothing…

  41. napkins says:

    since it is such a pain in the ass, i told my girlfriend not to worry about it anymore after we moved in together. my actual preference is bald, but im willing to cut her some slack if she puts up with my shit all the time.

    btw, that whitish chick dov was nailin in those pics, hers looked like it reeked something awful for some reason.

  42. Eide says:

    Hairy coif yes. Hairy pits yes. Hairy legs no.

  43. I love how all you dudes/homos out here are all ‘my preference this, my preference that’, whose vagina is it at the end of the day?
    Can I keep shit real for a minute? There should literally be no male opinion on this, ya’ll should take pussy as it comes to you, imjustsaying.com

    I’M LOOKING AT YOU BRI TIME.

  44. pfft says:

    shaving is fine, if you like the fact that half the time it’s like fucking a sheet of sandpaper.

    trimming is the answer.

    anyone who spends too much time on their public hair clearly isn’t doing much else with their life.

  45. carny carnage says:

    Wow this is a fucking full on idiot fest.
    I’m a dude and I am pro bush. When I date someone and they are sporting the bald eagle, I kindly ask them to grow it back. They do, we end dating and the next guy usually thanks me for making them confident in who they naturally are. I think the majority does not:
    1) Knows how to fuck
    2) Knows how to love
    3) Knows how to eat pussy**

    Like seriously, YOUR BALLS don’t stink? Yet you would like a girl who would put them in her mouth!!!! Do you think skull fucking is cool? Well, yeah it kinda is, but you don’t get to skull fuck without returning the favor. And if you do, I think you need to reevaluate who you are with. Porn has fucked with our heads in so many ways. If I have another girl ask me to cum on their face….

    I actually will. But I deserve to do so, because she is very satisfied in bed.

    ** or what a pussy should smell like

  46. Koreanish says:

    The bald look is fucking creepy. Please make it stop.

  47. Brutal Truther says:

    ^^ @carny carnage: ok we get it you are the cocksman of all cocksmen, the sword-wielder of all sword-wielders, the empath of all empaths, blah blah zzzz. and no one could possibly know how to be I mean eat a pussy like you do. all of which is a puffery and a front to make up for your, ahem, pronounced deficiency in another area. nice try

  48. luke says:

    “And since we’re here, my personal preference is trimmed short. Like a skinhead that’s been in a coma for a month.”

    haha.

  49. Norm says:

    BUCK FUSH

  50. Hunk Williams, Jr. says:

    Newsflash! The parts you munch (ie, clit and labia) have no hair. The Good Lord gave you fingers to pull that shit apart and go to town.

  51. Milk Pocket says:

    Here’s a first: the comments gave me a rock hard one. Apparently I love pussy. A lot.
    I like a change-up now and again, since everybody is sharing preferences. Bald can be not that great, since it immediately gets rough like Homer Simpson’s beard. Super unkempt can be a bit of a task to munch, but any guy who doesn’t thoroughly love chowing down on a vag is totally unrelatable. Shut up and wreck it!

  52. ???? says:

    Bush is not back!!!
    obivously you chumps dont get out of NYC to often and to the beach because i cant think of anything worse than spider legs comming out the side of bikini bottoms!!!

  53. Tiny Bubbles says:

    @Hunk is absolutely right. Who’s eating hair, anyway? You really have no reason to be eating hair, and if you are, you’re WAAYY off target and should go back to school. You’re not doing anyone any favours by doing that.

  54. captain obvious says:

    “Politically I agree that women shouldn’t be held to the standards of porn actors…” Politically. Real talk, luke is the world’s biggest faggot/eunuch. As if having fur downstairs must be a political issue.

  55. luke says:

    Hard to argue with that I suppose.

  56. nick manning says:

    look at it this way. pubes on chicks used to be the way things were. but dreadlocks also used to be popular. i dont want to see either come back. do you?

  57. FaceHeadAss says:

    After all this discussion, I decided to ask the chick to grow hers out. Gimme a couple weeks. I’m approaching this with an open mind. Thanks, Assholes!

  58. Anonymous says:

    fucking hell, we were JUST getting to the point where decent human hygeine was totally accepted by 100% of the population

  59. homeless says:

    @ female. cocaine is a hell of a drug. that said there is no doubt i would eat your hairy period pussy with or without hitting the slopes. I love it. I want pussy all over my face, you clean shave dudes are all in college, or huge pussies.

  60. homeless says:

    @ faceheadass. best name ever. and this “Like a skinhead that’s been in a coma for a month” slayed me. good stuff.

  61. Rick Samson says:

    Think of Bilbo Baggins’ house. Neat, round, unadorned hole for dealing with but with a bunch of trees and shit on top. Labes n knob = keep it clean. Mons and mound = Fur-diaper it up.

  62. Female#2 says:

    I’m going to sound like a crazy granola hippie when I say this, but my pubic hair is the most beautiful, silky strawberry blond hair a person has ever seen or felt. Hair doesn’t grow like that on my head, so I don’t know how it happened but my god… it’d be a crime to shave it off. Guys dive in like it’s a fucking picnic on a warm summer day.

    Also, guys who don’t like pubic hair are strange and are almost always the type of dude to do that horrible finger tap, tap, tapping of the clit that they’ve seen in porn. It’s a mutual disinterest between “those dudes” and me.

  63. Joe Queer says:

    Lexie and Rachel. FUUUUUCCKKCKCCKC. I weep every time I see that picture.

  64. mer says:

    my bf told me years ago to let it grow. I tout the simplicity of this to all my girlfriends while they look at me in disgust. I keep it neatly trimmed, inside the bikini area, no long-ass straggly hair neither.

    I don’t know what these guys are talking about eating girls out and getting hair in their mouths. If you have hair on your clit, you’ve got a problem. And your nutsack and taint are fucking hairy and I DON’T CARE. We are banging, you are supposed to get down and dirty and wet and sloppy. That’s what fucking’s for!

  65. pony says:

    OK well now that we’ve got the stereotypical pro/con arguments out of the way, let us lay down some shit we can ALL agree on:

    1) Bush CAN be bearable, regardless of personal preference. That said, fuck the chick that’s rocking one like it’s a political statement. Its not, stop acting like your part of the movement because of your personal hygiene preferences. If im getting naked with a chick, I don’t want her watching my eyes with a smug look on her face like I’m about to have my mind blown by the fact that she’s rocking a crotch beard. For example, from Ms. Jennifer Hudson up above: “There should literally be no male opinion on this, ya’ll should take pussy as it comes to you, imjustsaying.com.” Hahahahahahah cute, and i’m surprised that one didn’t make the final cut of the juno script, but seriously if you’re acting like i’m lotto-winner-lucky to be there at the TEMPLE OF WOMANHOOD and not like we’re there because of a mutual interest in banging, you can keep that pussy away from me, fuzzy or no.

    2)Not all pubes are created equal. Some are furry soft (like female #2’s purported welcome mat up above) and akin to a ray of sunshine glittering down from the heavens. Cool. However, any dude who’s looked down while pissing can attest to the opposite end of the spectrum as far as pube-health goes. This is the sort of thing that plays into the question of bush or no bush.

    3) While anyone with half a brain knows a well maintained bush is the way to go (see all the “middle ground” comments above), the absolute worst pube-sitch is a stubbly pussy. NO THANKS. If you’re going bald, stick to your goddamned guns. If im going down, I don’t want to walk away with a stubble burn like my boyfriend forgot to shave.

    and finally 4) Even someone who likes it trimmed (or even bald! who knows??) will occasionally come across a gnarly-ass bush and just be like ‘DAMN THAT’S GNARLY’ because it’s fucking gnarly and why the fuck not.

    THE MORE YOU KNOW

  66. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz says:

    “Jennifer Hudson Says:

    I love how all you dudes/homos out here are all ‘my preference this, my preference that’, whose vagina is it at the end of the day?
    Can I keep shit real for a minute? There should literally be no male opinion on this, ya’ll should take pussy as it comes to you, imjustsaying.com

    I’M LOOKING AT YOU BRI TIME.”

    It’s ours at the end of the day and we like our property maintained. You only lease it from us. But if you wanna keep shit real and non-judgmental, feel free to take on all the hipster waif micro penises as they come your way, I heard orgasms are bad for you anyways.

  67. no says:

    Keep it rasta

  68. jdeep6 says:

    Poontang wrangler’s are not so anal (ha ha) about all this.

  69. bluuuue says:

    I see a lot of vaginas, it’s part of my job. It’s nothing pervy, it’s medical. And after about a year of seeing vag’s shaved and hairy, I stopped shaving mine. And I used to be a fanatic about keeping that shit shaved.

    Ladies, unless you get it waxed professionally and have really great skin, it looks like shit. It looks like a bumpy, patchy, stubbled plucked goose. I have yet to see a single shaved vagina that didn’t look like a pimpled christmas turkey. There are creases and crevices you don’t even know exist down there, and stray hairs evade your razors no matter how much time you spend in the shower working on it. Add the goose-bumpy razor burned skin stretched over a protruding pubic bone and five-o-clock vagina-shadow to the mix, and it’s not a pretty sight.

    A few months into my work I saw my first UNshaved vagina on a young woman and it was actually quite sexy! It was trimmed and well kept, but the hair was there, and it was a nice little triangle of fur. No dangly lips flapping in the breeze, no infected bumps of ingrown hairs or bumpy stubbly raw skin exposed to the world like all the others. Just a pretty little V pelt.

    Disagree with me? Go take a good look at your/your girlfriend’s shaved gash in a decent light and tell me it doesn’t look like a lumberjack’s chin. Give it a good sandpapery feel while you’re there.

  70. BabyMistakes says:

    Who the fuck thinks a bush is gross? I get little boy boners when I see bush. Like catching a glimpse up your first grade teacher’s dress, type-shit. If you think bush is gross, wait a few years young man. You’ll be willing to eat belly fulls of the stuff, if it’s a by-product of some bar sleaze sitting on your mouth. But also, I’m a pervert, so…

  71. talktome says:

    If a guy likes it bald perhaps asking his fuckbuddy to wax it off would b a great start. She may sport a bush from ignorance of ones preference for a childlike appearance. Some of us women esp over 40 may have been married to someone who actually liked a full bush and now she may be single and simply unaware of this trend for our age group. Who knows she may want to wax it and has no clue you’re into it. So stop bashing here and simply talk about it. You may b surprised by a positive reaction. Go a step further and make a gesture and offer to pay…its not cheap.
    Just my opinion of course and i sure hope its not someone i like talking bad about my bush and just for the record id be very willing to give a try but not totally bald, still like to look my part. A real woman w real opinions!

  72. Fur Trapper says:

    Untrimmed, natural bush is the way to go. It just feels so nice when you’re fucking. I frankly doubt you bald-pussy loving clowns have ever even touched a vagina.


Leave A Reply