Posted by
Benjamin Leo
• 03.12.10 11:00 am


No, Fuck YOU — Howard Stern is the bravest man in showbiz. In case you haven’t heard, the gay liberal mafia is up in arms over Stern’s comments on morbidly obese death-pool favorite Gabourey Sidibe.

No, Fuck YOU — Howard Stern is the bravest man in showbiz.

In case you haven’t heard, the gay liberal mafia is up in arms over Stern’s comments on morbidly obese death-pool favorite Gabourey Sidibe.

Did you see the Oscars? Didn’t it strike you as odd at all that, from the Red Carpet coverage to the final moments of the broadcast, every single commentator and speaker repeatedly remarked on how GORGEOUS Gabourey Sidibe looked?

If we were in their shoes, would any of us be brave enough to admit that this is FUCKING BULLSHIT?

Gabourey Sidibe is a 400-pound sack of lipids who probably has, at most, six years to live. On top of this, her face would be unattractive even if she were thin — at her current weight, the cheek mass she carries on either side of her face literally makes her look Chinese.

Can’t all these phonies at least focus on the fact that she did a great job of playing “Precious?” (Or so I’ve heard.) Do they have to lie and say she’s beautiful too?

I digress — Howard didn’t even go there. Here’s a summary of Stern’s incisive, brave, hilarious comments:

“You feel bad because everyone pretends that she’s part of show business and she’s never going to be in another movie,” Stern added. “What movie is she going to be in? ‘Blind Side 2,’ she could be the football player.”

Howard accused Oprah Winfrey, who introduced Sidibe at the Oscars when the best actress nominees were announced, of lying to Sidibe. “When we look at you,” Winfrey told the 26-year-old from the Oscars stage, “we see a true, American Cinderella who’s on the threshold of a brilliant new career.”

Stern disagreed. “She told an enormous woman the size of a planet that she’s going to have a career,” he said during his broadcast. “Oprah should’ve said, ‘you need to get help, we don’t want to lose you.’ “

For Stern, Sidibe’s size is not just a problem for her career, but her health as well.

“You just want to say to her, listen, honey, now that you’ve got a little money in the bank go get yourself thin, because you’re going to die in three years,” he said.

I’ll tell ya, we tend to posthumously lionize figures like Lenny Bruce for their willingness to step out and break convention in defense of freedom of speech. If you were alive in those days though — and you had a public forum to speak out — wouldn’t you have just acted like a jerk-off and walked the party line?

Once again, Howard Stern is the ONLY A-List celebrity who keeps it real. Judging by how I suck people’s dicks at my real job in order to make money and keep my kids safe, I don’t think I’d have the balls to do it either. Then again, if I had Howard’s “FUCK YOU” MONEY, maybe I would.

What do you homos think?

-BENJAMIN LEO

Follow Benjamin’s tweets on @Street_Carnage


Comments
  1. todd says:

    “the size of a planet” hahahah!!

  2. Who says:

    Cares!!!

  3. Billy Cox says:

    personally i’m fucking disgusted with the liberal media’s praise of all things ugly and controversial. there is no reason a fat slob like that should be told shes beautiful. she should be told shes a fat pig that needs to lose some fucking weight and put her esteem in check

  4. Anonymous says:

    agree completely

  5. yikes says:

    I think the commentators you’re talking about were more or less saying she looked beautiful BY COMPARISON (to how she looked in the film). I agree with them in that case. I was watching and thought every time she was on camera, she looked cute with her big smile, makeup and dress, and she looked genuinely excited. I should mention I’m a severely shallow heterosexual male, that said, I can say she looked beautiful, but I wouldn’t bang her. I just think you might be an asshole and can’t step outside your standards of beauty.
    Also, you’ve blurred your opinion in this piece, with Howard Stern’s. I agree with everything Stern said, just nothing your stupid ass said.

  6. unclaimed smegma says:

    @billy cox – project much? is there a middle ground for all the wounded fucks out there so that their allergic, overly-reactive egos don’t get all inflamed anyone speaks a word of truth? Perhaps Mr. Stern could have phrased his comments more constructively, but she is morbidly obese, which is a real health problem. Since most of the people in the world, and even the U.S., are NOT morbidly obese, there aren’t a slew of screenwriters out there looking to write the next great american screenplay about a fat black girl. She doesn’t have to lose all the weight even – just stave off the (at this point) inevitable adult onset diabetes, heart disease, joint issues, etc. etc. etc.

    But yeah, Howard Stern isn’t that great. He’s kinda mean. Mean people sometimes say true things, and an asshole messenger doesn’t make the message less true.

  7. Canadave says:

    I don’t give a fuck about Howard Stern. I understand your whole Jew connect thing there, it’s nice to see one of our own make it (beyond controlling hollywood and the med- oh, wait). Anyway, like I was saying, I don’t really care for him, but, yes, this was on point. She was basically the Oscars’ pity fuck, and guess what, I don’t think they’re gonna call her back to “hang”.

  8. Great Lakes of Fire says:

    @yikes

    oh, I see, so she might be beautiful according to some standards? You’re a liberal patronizing faggot.

    And by the way, do you really think Ryan Seacreasts standards are that much different than yours, or are you both lying nervous nellys.

    At least the author was honest, try it sometime

    ps it’s a post, not a piece

  9. Billy Cox says:

    @ unclaimed smegma
    that’s like telling a retard that its smart. she is being encouraged to be a fucking pig by the liberal media and they and her are becoming enablers to other fat asses. you shouldn’t be proud you’re overweight and ugly, you should be ashamed and work your hardest to shed that unhealthy image.

  10. aesk47 says:

    Talking about “liberals” is the gayest thing ever… Grow the fuck up people!!

  11. unclaimed smegma says:

    @billy cox – My apologies. I thought you were just parodying an asshole in the post I was responding to. You actually think those things! My mistake.

    For the record, though I may agree with you to a certain extent, the term “pig” is probably not a real motivator for most people. You get more flies with honey than by being a combative dick, as the old saying goes.

  12. Uncle Wah Wah says:

    A brutally honest assessment. Outside of a black remake of “Hairspray” what else would be out there for this woman?

  13. wolf359 says:

    This article was fucking terrible and reads like it was written by an angry 17 year old virgin. GOD FORBID that a woman you don’t want to fuck would dare to walk a red carpet in a dress.

    And why is Howard Stern giving so much of a fuck? It’s not as if he could ever bust out of that grubby little niche he’s been occupying for so long. He’s been a useless one-trick-pony for decades longer than Gabby Sidibe. He’s a massive douchebag and sooner or later (hopefully) his douchebaggery will mean that people stop listening to him and then HE will no longer have a career. I doubt anyone could be bothered to write faux-concern articles about how his douche-ness might mean that he loses his job, because they simply couldn’t muster up the shit that they’d have to give.

  14. Drunk whore says:

    Holy fuck, I love Howard. Always. Forever.

  15. The Zapper says:

    It’s just like when everyone was loving off that massive bull dyke Beth Ditto. Not for her talent but for her rolls and rolls of flab caked in make up.

  16. yikes says:

    @Great Lakes – kiss my ass.

  17. SackDaddy says:

    It’s one thing to lash out against holding women to impossible standards of beauty. But that lady is way too heavy. Her BMI is probably around 70. How can that be healthy? I don’t give a shit one way or the other, but to pretend that her gluttony is acceptable is bullshit.

    If she wants a long career in showbiz, she is going to need to get down to the size of the woman who appears 17 seconds into the following movie trailer

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N66duPiY-00

  18. JuCIFER says:

    Her face is gonna explode, she’s pushing the limits of her skin’s tensile strength…
    I wouldn’t want to be there when it finally gives way.

  19. fuck brooklyn says:

    where are her eyes? oh i see them. they must be really warm.

  20. milky says:

    wow, howard stern made some fat jokes, GOOD JOB BUDDY!! you think the girl doesn’t know she’s overweight? just because she’s fat doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t get to have her moment just like anyone else who would have played the part (if it was written as a skinny person for example). you cocksuckers are the reason people develop eating disorders. kill yourselves.

    oh, and on top of that, howard stern is NOT an a-list celebrity. give me a fucking break. sidibe can lose weight but Stern is always gonna be ugly and mean and trying way too hard to be relevant.

  21. Vane$$a says:

    I wonder how all those fancy liberal Hollywood types felt about her after she trampled them on her way to the sour cream and onion dip at some after party? I bet if she showed up at any of their houses they’d ask her what happened to her uniform, hand her a mop, and tell her to get to work. Remember that Crumb strip where those white guys shove the black maid’s head into a toilet? That’s what I think of when I think of Hollywood. Why do you think they always act so charitable? They’re desperately trying to hide their awfulness. Anyways, the way I see it is that it’s the announcers’ job to make the most out of what’s a really uncomfortable situation for them. Unlike regular folks like me, they’re not used to nearly everyone they’re around looking like that. Besides, what are they supposed to say? “Good news folks! Gabourey Sidibe’s in the house. This means that no one needs to worry about getting skin cancer tonight since she’ll be blocking the entire sun!” Or how about, “Wow, you really appreciate the beauty of a skinny white movie star with huge tits when juxtaposed against that dusky, corpulent nightmare!” It’s then Howard Stern’s job to come in and tell the truth Hollywood style. That’s why he gets paid the big bucks. As long as we can stop ourselves from going to the next stage where Morris Dees sues every anonymous broke dick white person with a job for even thinking that she’s hideous, we’ll be okay.

  22. VIET DONG says:

    What’s the deal with everyone talking about a “Liberal Media Conspiracy”? Did Glenn Beck hack into here? Did ya’ll start watching Fox News or something?

  23. BrooklynChimp says:

    @Benj

    Usually i liked your shit.

    @Vanessa

    What happened to witty remarks, actually being- witty? You’ve been fucking lame as of late.

  24. randylahey says:

    loled @ fuck brooklyn

  25. Vane$$a says:

    Fuck you. I quit. But first I have to go comment on the confessions of an aging wigger.

  26. sf says:

    Usually you’re funny but your hard-on for Stern is just boring. He’s an irrelevant old man stirring up the most tired form of controversy. It’s great that Stern was so brave for telling Gabourey that she’s fat, that’s dangerous and it lessens her chances of success in Hollywood. Because of course, no one’s ever said that to her or about her before? Come on!
    Stern’s just trying to keep his name on the public lips by making fat jokes at the expense of a talented actress. I’m pretty sure no one buys the faux concern for a woman whose name he couldn’t even be bothered to learn.

  27. Professor Mudbutt says:

    Waaaaaaaa, Howard Stern is a big meanie!! He’s just sooo mean and stupid and sooner or later people will realise this and they’ll stop listening to him and his decades-long career of being a mean but honest asshole will come to a halt and he’ll be broke and alone crying by the toilet.

  28. Donkey Kong says:

    Just like old times

    “Usually I love your posts unless I disagree with them”

  29. ew says:

    och, i’m actually starting to feel kind of sorry for this fattie fattie 4×4. The poor girl looks like some kind of an inner city snow man made out of hefty bags full of burger king fry vat grease. let her have her brief moment in the sun, i’ve never seen a total eclipse before.

  30. Billy Cox says:

    @ Viet Dong
    because you will never find anyone with common sense (right leaning americans) applauding a fucking disaster like this.

    ask yourself, wwacd. what would ann coulter do. she’d tell her shes needs to get a grip on her health before shes 500 pounds of rotting embarrassment.

    typical liberal “everythings awwwwrite” self indulgent bullshit

  31. ew says:

    ^u like ann coulter? That totally explains y u thought those strippers were hot: ur m4t.

  32. Billy Cox says:

    yea i never said i felt that ann coulter was attractive. however id much prefer that pink to any of your left wing women talking heads. and secondly, you would have fucked every single one of those strippers. “i would not hit that, just look at those sharp knees”

    http://farm1.static.flickr.com/88/213423984_a82afcda90.jpg

    this is you

  33. ew says:

    ^ yeah, i wouldn’t have fucked those strippers, cuz im a 20 year old female 8. But oh, a 4chan burn, YA GOT ME!!!!

  34. Billy Cox says:

    lrn2meme thats a fark meme and i seriously doubt you’re a female 8. you’re insecure as fuck and hating on girls that attract attention because you don’t get any.

  35. grabbin ma'penis says:

    i don’t really care if this chick is fat and i don’t understand why we are discussing it.

  36. ew says:

    Billy, the fact that have no idea what fark even is the most damning proof that im a female 8 that im currently willing to offer. And you’re right, im totally insecure, thats why i go on the internet to brag about all the strippers i’ve fucked and make fun of a morbidly obese stranger-WAIT!

  37. Gil Gerard says:

    Of course Howard Stern is right, because Hollywood never has any use for anyone fat, challenging or otherwise unpleasant in any films, ever. That Steve Buscemi you saw was just a mirage.

    Honestly, what a bunch of vapid assholes. Rent something besides “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell,” will you? There is actually cinema out there that consists of more than tan 22-year-olds.

  38. Billy Cox says:

    sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. going online and bragging your a female 8 and oh so hip you don’t know of any other popular internet websites proves to me you’re a fat slob with a hairy cunt.

  39. ew says:

    ^ Must be a real bummer that even the lowest form is out of your grasp.

  40. ty says:

    Sure Howard has a bunch of money and stuff Benjamin, but, “A-list celebrity”? Since when? I guess that makes Glenn Beck and Planet Rush the king and queen, respectively, of all thing carbon based.

    I better start watching E! or something…I’m out of the loop since Bob Hope died.

  41. white power says:

    howard stern appeals to sub-human cro-mags with limited cranial capacity. fuck that idiot and fuck his braindead fans too.

  42. WELL THANKS BE UPON TO GOD THAT SOME ONE FINALY HAS THE BALL’S TO TAKE A STRONG STAND FOR HOWERD STERN. WELL THE GAY NYC LIB’S MAFIA HAVE BEEN ‘RUNNING THE SHOW’ IN THIS COUNTRY FOR TO LONG, THEY RUN THE MEDIA AND ALL THE FASHOIN SHOW’S AS, WELL, WHICH WHY SO MANY FASHOIN MODALS THESE DAYS OUR SO FAT. WELL THEIR BREAKING THE RUN-WAY’S AND IT HAS BEEN A TRUE ‘PROJECT RUN-WAY’ TO FIX ALL THE RUN-WAYS AFTER THE GAY LIB MAFIA SEND ALL THE FAT MODAL’S WALKING DONW THEM.

    WELL I REMEMBER WHEN B.N. WROTE THIS EXACT SAME ARTICAL WHEN ALL THE LIB MSM WRITER’S WAS LIONISING THE SINGER ‘BETH DIDDO’ FROM THE BAND ‘THE GOSSIP’ SO DO’NT YOU LIB’S EVEN TRY TO MAKING THIS INTO A RACIALIST THING. THIS ARTICALS IS A COLOR-BLIND, SIMPLEY SPEAKING TRUTH TO THE ENORMIOUS AMOUNT OF POWER HELD BY THE GAY NYC LIB MAFIA

  43. no.thanks. says:

    i mean, yeah whatever, lose weight. we care, etc

    what I love is that she is SO FAT that her hands (google image search my ninja) look like giant baby hands w/the inverted knuckles.

  44. zree says:

    No shit. Who needs to point this out? U start listening to Stern yesterday? booring STERN RULES BABABOOEY BABABOOEY BABABOOEY

  45. moe says:

    I run a movie Blog and I have to admit I specifically kept away from precious out of fear I would rant about how fat and disgusting this chick is. Maybe that makes me weak or whatever, but frankly I’m at no point in my early internet “career” to start making enemies.

    I DO however agree with everything you and Howard said.

  46. Vane$$a says:

    That’s because TWO people use the name Vane$$a like I said before you douche. I come on here like once a month, the rest of the time it’s el retardo.

  47. julietbravo says:

    Godspeed You Fat Black Emperor

  48. Erik says:

    god, planet, god so funny

  49. Vane$$a says:

    Make that 3.

  50. lester says:

    how can you stay with a fat girl who’ll say “ooohh would you like to marry me and if you like you can buy the ring”

  51. laterdater says:

    @unclewahwah A black remake of hairspray! Genius! Would the whites be the minority fighting for integration?

    and as the Stern foretold she will be in blindside II as the football player. She is more likely to be back at the oscars than Tyler Perry.

  52. James Brown's Corpse says:

    Wha dey gone do? Have dis bitch do love seens? Who wan see dat? Not this niggah!

  53. John Hine says:

    Lisa Glassberg takes shits at work

  54. black person says:

    i think they should put a bolt through her head at an abatoir

  55. omgkatiekatiekatie says:

    Okay, here’s how I see it:

    1) She was fucking amazing in “Precious.” Girl can act.
    2) Do I think she’ll get another high-profile role anytime soon? Fuck no.
    3) She looks like Type 2 diabetes personified and might possibly drop dead within the week.

    Here’s why I don’t care if people ignore her weight:

    When Gavin writes an article about shooting heroin or how to do coke in humid climes, does anyone respond “OMG GAVIN, DON’T YOU KNOW THAT DRUGS ARE BAD FOR YOU?! YOU SHOULDN’T DO HEROIN, IT’S UNHEALTHY!” No, because anyone with half a brain knows that heroin is bad for you. Everyone with half a brain also knows that weighing 400 pounds is bad for you. But, as Brooklyn junkies like heroin because it makes you feel good, Gabby Sidibe likes to eat because it makes her feel good. I don’t this she should be celebrated for it, I just think that other celebrities get away with equally destructive behaviors because they don’t gross us out the way fat people do.

    Be honest, Howard Stern doesn’t give a shit about her health, he’s just grossed out by fat people.

  56. Roofless says:

    LOL @ John Hine

  57. skull front says:

    she can pay Corky in remake of “Life Goes On”

    career saved

  58. Bill Cosby says:

    I’m gonna do a “Fat Alberta” She’s just the bitch for that.

  59. Re-Run's Ghost says:

    She can be the new Shirley in “What’s Happening: The Next Generation. Put my red beret on her as a tribute.

  60. Hyperbole says:

    Stern is mildly funny. Here? Not so much.

    This article is even less funny.

    Even if she doesn’t get work post-Precious, are you all really that pissed that a big black girl got a few months of glory outta this? At least she worked for it, and ain’t a fucking reality show “celeb”.

    Zach Galifinakis and Jonah Hill are fat wasteoids too, but you don’t hear the impassioned cries of teh internetz calling their success a travesty. Is anyone worried about the plight of the fat white funnymen? Someone reign them in, they’re running around like they own the place…

  61. Ethan Allen says:

    He says it like it is, even if you don’t really agree with him …. from his perspective, he’ll just step up and say what were all really thinking. He should be a lot more of respected artist then he is, people listen to him.

  62. Hyperbole says:

    ^^^^^^^^^^^

    Chortling like Siddibe at the Old Country Buffet right now, “respected artist”. EZ pallie.

    PS you’re writing sounds like you’re a straight up Bork from the EU there Mister Real New Yorker…

  63. Fux Hoax says:

    After reading this, I realize that I really want to fuck the mom from Wizards of Waverly Place.

  64. shadowy figure says:

    It’s already been said, but I’ll reiterate: She KNOWS she is fat. So there’s really no point for Howard’s weak-ass, obviousness, and anyone eating his shit up are just as clueless as fat people.

  65. shadowy figure says:

    And, yes, I want to fuck the shit out of the Wizard mom, too.

  66. 2? says:

    I wouldn’t fuck Howard Stern or Yo Gabba Gabba.

  67. David says:

    Saying Howard Stern is brave for saying that stuff is like saying a Burger King employee is brave for asking you if you want fries with that–it’s his job to be an instigator. Anyway, he didn’t say anything that controversial, did he?
    I think it’s you, Ben, who should be discussed here–your comments had very little to do with Stern’s and are more of a low-hanging-fruit attack on a young, fat person who’s not going to be one of Victoria’s Secret’s angels anytime soon.
    She looked great at the Awards. She was radiant. Her smile was gorgeous. And why not? Her peers were giving her recognition for doing an outstanding job.
    Nothing wrong with calling bullshit on talking about the beginning of a career when someone’s health is at risk. But there is something childish and unfunny about saying “she’s fat and ugly!”

  68. Blasian says:

    Hit the nail right on the head. I’d do her


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