Posted by
Gavin
• 06.06.08 07:39 am

One of the hardest faces to do in the history of faces is the Fight Face. It is so-named because it’s the face guys do after they’ve been in a fight and they want to look unfazed.

One of the hardest faces to do in the history of faces is the Fight Face. It is so-named because it’s the face guys do after they’ve been in a fight and they want to look unfazed.

Here’s how it goes down…

STEP 1

You are sitting at a bar, minding your own business and some drunk psycho who just got dumped comes careening towards you.
>

STEP 2

For no reason he calls you a cocksucker and asks you if you have a fucking problem.
>

STEP 3

He starts wailing on you because he never got around to pounding the dude that fucked his girlfriend.
>

STEP 4

Your cave instincts send a tornado of adrenaline through your veins and your mind starts going at a hundred miles a minute trying to protect you from extinction.

>

STEP 5

He gets dragged out of the bar while you lie there and recover. It wasn’t that bad actually and you’re not really hurt but man that was close. You heart is vibrating like a humming bird but you don’t want anyone to know how scared you got.

>

STEP 6

This is where the Fight Face comes in. You think you’re smiling and being flippant but your face muscles are full of panic juice and you can’t actually get the cheeks to go up. The resulting grimace looks like someone is physically lifting up the corners of your mouth against your will.
>

STEP 7

I’m going to change “you” to “the victim” here because it’s too depressing to see you in this state. Ahem, “the victim” will try to sound nonchalant and make fake-casual remarks like, “Did you see that psycho sucker punch me? What the fuck was that about?” He also might show you his ripped t-shirt and say to the bar, “Anybody got a fuckin’ safety pin?”

>

STEP 8

The victim is unable to stop talking about the fight. Even though dude was removed from the club at 11 and it’s now 4 in the morning, the victim can’t stop repeating, “Did you see that guy sucker punch me?” He says this sentence about 100 times.

>

THE HOTEL RECEIPT FIGHT FACE

The only other time you will see anything like the Fight Face is when a guy’s girlfriend finds a local hotel receipt and shoves it in his face going, “What the fuck is this?” He knows he’s caught and is scared shitless but would like to appear casual and amused by how crazy his girlfriend is for accusing him of something so absurd.
This face is distinguishable from the fight face in that it tends to have sadder, more revealing eyes and will often make the girlfriend so sick to her stomach, she ceases to give a shit about him. Basically, if you catch yourself making this face to a woman you are dumped.


Comments
  1. Loomis says:

    I tried to do this in the mirror and could not.

  2. Bry says:

    Beautiful. loved it.

  3. Yatesy says:

    “I tried to do this in the mirror and could not.”

    You cannot make yourself have a Fight face- it is an involuntary and natural reaction to a stressful situation.

  4. CK Watt says:

    This is very true. The upturned-corners-grimace is on the other end of the spectrum the trying-to-stop-sobbing-grimace lies on. Both make anyone’s face look maniacal.

  5. louis says:

    I always have a facefight smile..I have a shitty smile

  6. Red says:

    People with shitty teeth sometimes smile like this.

  7. Red says:

    Wait, is that Andrew WK?

  8. ashley says:

    can you make andrew love me?
    seriously tell him i said that.

  9. Jingles Glitterfuzz says:

    This is similar to the face you make while you excruciatingly crawl through a night of bad jokes and brainless conversation with a girl you’re determined to savagely harpoon on the back seat of her Prius.

  10. Gayzor says:

    These are good photos and I liked them.

  11. Scrotum McDee says:

    The appellation and analysis of such quotidian phenomena is the crux of comedy. Bra-fucking-vo, you lot.

  12. me says:

    i loved #6!

  13. kevin says:

    this was so accurate it made me want to never go to a bar again. or if i do go im bringing one of those mini baseball bats with me. frightening. well done.

  14. Rache says:

    I’ve seen guys make that face when they’re trying to act cool but they feel like morons. It always made me laugh

  15. DIABETES says:

    CLASSIC fuckng blog entry. theres heaps of this stuff on youtube.
    see also: the guy yelling “WHAT THE FUCK MAN?!?!?!?!?” after he takes some lumps, yells it over and over and over looking around the bar like a goldfish in a shark tank.
    try and do THAT face, to convey with your facial contortions the expression of “?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!???”
    urrrrgh, thats a painful one to see in real life…..

  16. Quinn says:

    Laugh my fuckin ass off!!

    Nicely done Andrew WK!

  17. Quinn says:

    LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF!!

    NIcely done Andrew WK!

  18. Claire says:

    THIS IS HOT

  19. Ulrik says:

    This is the face I make every single time I’m out my comfort zone.

  20. francois says:

    “You cannot make yourself have a Fight face- it is an involuntary and natural reaction to a stressful situation.”

    urrr then how did a-dub pull it off………………..

  21. Mael On The Head says:

    I don’t watch vbs much because it’s like swimming thru an ocean of gay piss just to find the odd 50 square metre cube of oxygenated girl’s own jewce, but the soft focus from a couple years ago with WK was really fucking good man, WK really gave some insight into what it is that I love about his music, like I never wanted to analyze or investigate as to why I liked it so much cos I was afraid maybe that would negate it somehow, but now I know how he sees it and how he meant it to work on our ears I actually like it even more. that said that Young Lord version you gave to the Wire is uhmmm.. interesting for sure. more of a Totally Stupid man myself but hey, still looking forward to it

  22. Chiggah what? north krigger what? says:

    sorry he meant an ocean of male piss, it doesn’t matter if it’s faggot piss or straight piss, it’s just that gays tend to have more stds and worse ones

  23. […] STEP 4 4.THE.OF.ANDREW.FACES.HEAD.OVER.TO.STREETCARNAGE!!! […]

  24. taylor says:

    this is the realest shit you’ve ever wrote.

  25. hehe says:

    I <3 andrew w.k. … <3 :)

  26. […] at the wrong time and find himself face down on the floor of the club. Here’s how to get up. Street Boners and TV Carnage has the eight futile stages of dignity retrieval. Sphere: Related […]

  27. specious menagerie says:

    i think i make the fight face 100% of the time i’m outside my apartment

  28. Honez says:

    What happened?

  29. marge says:

    This has me ROTFL. The girls equivalent would be when a your BFF busts you for lying or gossiping about her behind her back (this is mostly during the middle/high-school years when back-stabbing is rampant.) Misty will be all “I know you told Courtney I had an abortion with Ted, why would you betray my trust like that? You SWORE you would never say a word!” The pathetic stab at denying culpability is paired with this freakish grimace that speaks volumes of guilt.

  30. chris says:

    isn’t that vedder’s permanent face?

  31. Anonymous says:

    who would have expected Andrew WK to have so many (obviously lovingly well-cared for) house plants.

  32. Genius. I feel the need to go to a bar and get picked on now.

  33. […] the only people I’ve ever seen discuss fight faces, I thought you’d be shocked to learn humans are not the only people who get them. Sincerely, […]

  34. bongmasterflex says:

    late!

  35. wilbert harrison says:

    Pretty sure AWK got lip implants…

  36. […] hadn’t occurred to us they wouldn’t like the film. Fight faces immediately took over our collective visage and we said, “Not that we take notes (we don’t) but […]


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