Does anybody have a wool muffler I could borrow? How about a nice muff? Leggings? Anyone?
Anybody have a fox stole they won’t be wearing during the heat wave?
Where I, Shift (not his real name), live in The Pacific Northwest (doesn’t really live in The Pacific Northwest) the high today is 72 with winds SSW at 6 MPH.
They say with the wind-chill factor it will feel more like 68.
There’s a genial, retiring, conciliatory mid-temperature front rolling in and with it a benign yet troubling “Do I need a sweater or not?” uncertainty.
Pray for us.
The weather here tends to be just as wishy-washy, ever-vacillating, and wary of offending as are its politics.
Lots of intermittent gray skies much like the “gray areas” in its pseudo-progressive ideology. Ever the chance of a petulant freezing drizzle reminiscent of reading its newspaper editorials.
And the barometric pressure? We don’t do barometric pressure here.
They say that rising temperatures spark an increase in bi-curiosity. I guess as the mercury rises along with the “musk index,” a man grows “curious.”
And the forecast calls for bi.
I guess then you could say there’s basically a bi front rolling in, “clouding” better judgment and causing a “rise” in barometric pressure.
The barometric pressure in your pants! Ha!
The “relative humidity” is, let’s just say, “relative.”
And the foreskin calls for smegma.
Can anybody loan a brother a dogsled? I’m thinking of going dogsledding on Mt. Rainier.
It’s just a thirty-minute drive for me to year-’round snow fields. Snow in the higher elevations today is expected to gather in windswept formations, if you get my drift. Anybody got any dogs?
Preferably not Yorkshire Terriers unless you’ve got a lot of them.
Frankly, we couldn’t give a flying care about the rest of the nation sweltering and sweating in record-high temperatures while most of us here are curled up by the fire with a cup of hot cocoa and a Nora Ephron novel.
What we do care about is corporate greed, bi-curious rights, and bigotry against minority groups, so long as they don’t live here.
You know what they say, it’s not the heat it’s the humidity. How does that make the humidity feel?
I’m here to tell you: It’s both. Sure, it can get hot out West (120 in the shade) but it’s “a dry heat.”
Sure, you can burst into flames if you go outside for more than a few seconds, but they’re dry flames.
Braving the cool summer breezes, a group of Portland protesters bares their skin to keep the city “weird.” Or annoying. Your call.