Posted by
Gavin
• 03.27.09 12:40 pm


When my dad hears Annie Lennox doing Motown covers he says, “Why continue? Music has been perfected and this is it.” He’s obviously never seen The Newmore Switchblades. Comprised of bands from East New York and the slums of Baltimore

When my dad hears Annie Lennox doing Motown covers he says, “Why continue? Music has been perfected and this is it.” He’s obviously never seen The Newmore Switchblades. Comprised of bands from East New York and the slums of Baltimore (specifically: Ninjasonik, Cerebral Ballzy, Totally Micahel, The Death Set, and Team Robespiere) The Newmore Switchblades are living proof that life goes on and there will always be new shit better than the old shit you grew up sniffing.

They are black punks and dirtbags with black eyes and they play mostly 80s-ish hardcore and electropop rap. Every show they play turns into a fucking riot with half the audience on the stage and menstrual blood all over the walls. It’s an event. You don’t want to see the Sex Pistols when they play Jimmy Kimmel Live on their 4th reunion and you don’t want to see the Bad Brains at Irving Plaza when HR is so gone he can’t even remember the words. You want to see these bands in a basement, with the lights out, before anybody has ever heard of them. That’s what it’s like to see The Newmore Switchblades. It’s a Haley’s Comet moment that feels like you’re seeing something huge right before it explodes. Like a boner.

When Cerebral Ballzy showed up to our party at SXSW this year they were covered in bruises and barf. The bassist, a muscular little black dude named Mel Honore (?) had just spent the night in ER and had a huge gash of stitches across his forehead.

As an old person, I felt a surge of elation to see the torch passed on to such a worthy new generation of fuckups. There’s nothing worse than lying on your deathbed with a huge white beard and watching the torch fizzle out in the hands of some wimp who doesn’t even know how to chock choke-fuck a bitch. These guys, on the other hand, are murderers. They come from fucking East New York. Do you know what that is? That’s where Giuliani put all the crime when he cleaned out Manhattan. It’s that Detroit-looking shithole you see when your cabbie takes a short cut to JFK. Now it’s home to the best punk band since the Bad Brains. Speaking of which, I was talking to one of the Ninjasonik dancers and couldn’t help but notice her iPod was all Bs. After one or two A bands (Agnostic Front, Angry Samoans), I scrolled past Bad Brains for so long I got a blister.

Ninjasonik are also a fucking trip live. With guitar samples and crazed niggas screaming “Nigger!” It makes the other hardcore bands sound like they’re holding back. Rap live is usually a bore but these guys have left the building and brought back tangents like covering Matt & Kim’s “Daylight.” Who does that? Nobody does that.

There’s three dates left on their tour. Please go see these shows so you can tell your grandchildren you were there the day hardcore got punked.

March 27 – Columbus, Ohio @ The Summit
March 28 – Cleveland, Ohio @ Grog Shop
March 29 – Philadelphia, Pa. @ Danger Danger House


(Most of The Newmore Switchblades)
Ninjasonik’s “Don’t Tell The World” with Vivian Girls



Cerebral Ballzy “Insufficient Fare”



Ninjasonik’s “Shoot the Lazer” with Snakes Say Hiss


Cerebral Ballzy “Anthem”


Ninjasonik “Art School Girls”


Cerebral Ballzy “Puke Song”


Cerebral Ballzy’s “Got 2 Bucks” remixed by Ninjasonik’s Teen Wolf


Comments
  1. JUST A NORMAL GUY (THE ORIGINAL) says:

    WELL IF THAT IS HOW YOU’RE DAD FEELS THAN I AM SORRY TO HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS BUT YOU HAVE HALF MY GENES

  2. Goofus says:

    No thanks, i prefer my musicians to have talent, though “coolness” and party factor are a close second and third.

  3. Loomis says:

    The New York Times is about to pounce on this and ruin it in Sunday Styles.

  4. BANANA PEEEL says:

    im cosigning ninjasonik all day yall closets can hate all you want

  5. You're Doing It Wrong (the original) says:

    Gavin only has one pair of jeans.

  6. Zipper says:

    yo that was ABE, the drummer, who got his forehead slashed open! (Mel, bassist, was the one who threw that traffic cone into his fucking head and caused the 7 stitches in the first place.)

    those doods are fucking GNARLY.

    and fucking 17 years old, the lot of ’em.

  7. pfff. says:

    this shit gets a gasface.

  8. Your Favorite Mexican says:

    This shit is atrocious, the fact that people like these idiots can have any sort of music carer makes me have such an inward boner that my mushroom tip is making gag from the inside out. Fucking ridiculous.

  9. Jojo Turner says:

    The shelf life of this feces is about 2 weeks. Contrived cornball garbage.

  10. the original says:

    I saw these guys in Brooklyn. Fucking rule. I have scars from that show.

  11. Red says:

    So great live I can’t even tell you.

  12. too long says:

    I remember when they had an article in Maximum RnR back in the 90s about how fitted baseball caps are not punk rock. Tim Yohannan must be rolling in his grave.

  13. slabbo says:

    what do all you haters listen to? belle and sebastian or something? i love it when someone leaves a nasty comment with a link to their own crap so you can look at it and realize they have no idea whatsoever.

  14. Vane$$a says:

    Do you think it’ll be okay if I go see ’em at the Grog Shop tomorrow night? Am I allowed? I won’t get ass raped in the back room or nothin’ will I?

  15. pubert says:

    what is “chock fucking” and how do you do it?

  16. Shit Foot says:

    I think that “chock fucking” is like when you really fill the ladies up as in “I chock fucked her which means she was chock full ‘o my wang” or something like that. Just a guess but I am following the basic rules of logic here.

  17. buffalowinger says:

    it’s ok.

  18. sam says:

    I heard about these guys on fecal face. There was a post titled “Punk didn’t die, it just left you behind.” Seems very appropriate, given the fitted baseball caps apparently.

    http://www.fecalface.com/nyc/2009/03/punk_didnt_die_it_just_left_yo.html

  19. Charles says:

    I saw Team Robespierre last year at Sneaky Dee’s in T.O. They were pretty good, but I was sure they’d sink without a trace and be irrelevant.

  20. Ruby says:

    Didn’t they??

  21. zin says:

    i like how dude prefers his musicians to have “talent”, like they’re his musicians, and like he matters.

  22. beej says:

    wh-what?? can u not like belle and sebastian AND whatever the fuck else you want at the same time also i bet i can kick your ass

    the kid stays in the picture.

  23. Arv says:

    Oh my god, it’s true: Gavin does only have one pair of jeans.

  24. zin says:

    disregard that; I suck cocks.

  25. jensrocker says:

    fuck yes my dudes.

  26. […] Street Carnage has just done a great write up on the Newmore Switchblades Phenomenon. […]

  27. pubert says:

    awesome!!!!

  28. pubert says:

    hahahaah

  29. pubert1 says:

    THANKS!

  30. wolfington says:

    spell teenwolf as one word. theres some other kid in vegas goin by teen wolf wit a space.

    good looks on the write up duuuuudes

  31. butt rumbler says:

    I like the marketing scheme on this one. ;{

  32. Dr. Fate says:

    No thanks, i prefer Magma and Rush (i.e. T A L E N T E D bands) … I saw Ninjasonik at Whartscape in Baltimore last year … they brought down the fucking cops they rocked so hard, literally the police had to break up the party and tell everyone to go home because people we’re losing the collective shit at such an alarming rate.

  33. HOMO says:

    100% hype

  34. "hype" says:

    calling something hype is the lamest critique imaginable … you don’t even have to think or ask anyone to think and you offer no opinion other then calling something hype.

    any review could be labeled hype … its fucking pathetic and weak and that will eventually die out because evolution will weed out mental weaklings like you for making such dumb fucking comments.

    you, loser dick.

  35. oh you mad says:

    oh you mad, oh you mad, oh you mad, oh you mad, oh you mad…

  36. JoJo Turner says:

    holy shit! screaming “nigger” to an all white crowd! The danger! The cooning! the pandering!

  37. I say. says:

    Seems like nothing new to me with these fellas.

    Vivian girls are very good though.

    The ninsonk seems pretty boring, although they are probably a good live band.
    There only good song seems to be that cover of the Daylight track, which I might download or something. Does anyone know where to get it.

    I have to agree on the hype thing also.

  38. HOMO says:

    100% hype, I stand by it, sorry. the new version of a “band” is someone playing mp3’s on a laptop whilst 2 dudes (usually a guy and a girl) say random shit in a microphone. who are they wearing? omg! I bet you’re a big no age fan too huh? 0 effort, just phoning it in, but fuck they dress so FLY!

  39. […] future of scum punk is in the hands of some black kids from East NY (via street […]

  40. Kalamazoo... says:

    LOOOOOVES THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ DEATHSET!!!!

  41. "hype" says:

    I don’t know what you are talking about when it comes to labeling something “hype” … its an inescapable mental capsule – saying anything past realizing it is pure horse shit is silly … so just keep it up Chingachgook, time will wipe you out.

  42. OG Hater says:

    Shit floats to the top. Same old story.
    DeathSet rule, these other guys are straight up corny.

  43. Hater says:

    Saw one of the shows on this tour:
    The Death Set were fun, had good songs, lots of singing along.
    The other bands tried to be “crazy” and “go wyld” but it felt “really forced” and “staged.”
    If this is the future, get me a Delorean.

  44. […] Gavin already handed the mantle of hardcore over to the Newmore Switchblades, I think there were two better candidates: Justice and the Bloody […]

  45. […] to not love Cerebral Ballzy as much as my boss. I mean, I thought they were OK, but I didn’t talk about them as the Second Coming of Christ or get a boner whenever I saw their videos. Then I started really drinking — a lot. Lately […]


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