Posted by
• 07.07.15 04:53 pm

The Anthony Cumia Network puts out free compilations every week of each of their three shows (The Anthony Cumia Show, Legion of Skanks, my show). This is me trying to get Rat, our 22-year-old virgin producer laid. 

The scariest part is how disinterested he is in getting pussy. I found a boxing gym near his house and he replied, “Ain’t doing no boxing. Sorry!” I mean, what do I do now? Persist? Is it possible to Mr. Miyagi a kid who doesn’t want to learn?

  1. Hooey Davis says:

    There’s an awkward vibe oozing through my speakers from this dude. All traces of that must be annihilated if you seek success in the acquisition of the ‘tang. Is this guy kind of an introvert or somethin? Those folks are tough to break through. Good luck with this.

  2. Mark Henry's Hand Baby says:

    Give him one good punch every day you see him. Body shots, nothing to the face. Force him to defend himself out of fear. Eventually instinct will kick in and his defensive motions will become offensive. When he finally throws and lands his first punch, celebrate him. Give him a strong pat on the back, raise his arm in victory, pour him a drink, get him feeling good about himself- then drill him right in the fucking face.

  3. Hooey Davis says:

    @Mark Henry’s Hand Baby Nah you can’t go around punching awkward people like that all the time if you wanna make them less awkward, it unfortunately doesn’t work that way. All you end up doing is making them more fidgety and weird than they already are cuz now they’re way more uncomfortable with their surroundings since they’re getting punched more often. They don’t need somebody jabbing the shit out of their skinny, visible-through-their-skin rib-cage all day. They will see that as counter-productive to something they’d rather be doing, like going deep into the internet to talk about Harry Potter films or whatever; a safe haven away from physical abuse. They’re most likely already high-strung and nervous, the trick is to get them to somehow relax more and loosen the fuck up without having to beat the shit out of them. An enigma, I’m very well aware. How does one get one laid without having to pummel one with one’s fists? A smarter man than we, may know the answer.

  4. Mark Henry's Hand Baby says:

    Worse case scenario: Things escalate and he dies. BFD. YOLO.

  5. Hooey Davis says:

    Well maybe you’re right. Ivan Drago put it best when he said “If he dies, he dies”.

  6. bingbangbong says:

    Gavin givin out free samples of his show like the Beyond Meat ladies at Whole Foods, toothpickin’ son of a bitch.

  7. Twill Gerns says:

    It takes a year to break a man like this. When you’ve done it, it takes another year to break the monster you’ve made.

  8. He hated Jews says:

    Hey, Gavin is this kid doing the fight face you were describing on the get-Rat-to-fuck-women segment?

  9. Sniffy says:

    Sniffing a woman’s banghole. Ahhhhhh, now that’s what I’m talking about.

  10. asdasd says:

    You’re trying to convince a New York Jew to be a masculine version of European Man?
    Good fucking luck. You’d have a better chance persuading academically high performing Asian kids to go rob a liquor store than to turn a beta Jew into a mans man.

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