Posted by
Jim Goad
• 03.05.13 09:30 am


About a dozen years ago I was on “intimate” terms with a girl who would involuntarily shit herself whenever she had a particularly intense orgasm.

She was a trust-fund kid who managed to own a house and new car while working four hours a week as a sound technician at a local club. She was given a “normal” name at birth but was so pretentious that she changed it to that of a French humanist philosopher while in her mid-teens.

She was vaguely aware she would never win any beauty pageants, a fact which seemed to lend a rancid bitterness to her personality. Yet for all the sourness in her face and personality, she had a surprisingly good body, her ass especially. I even fucked her in the ass a few times, although it never led to defecation.

But a half-dozen or so times over the course of our “friendship,” she’d emit Vienna-sausage-sized pooplets after oohing and aahing and screaming my name.

The first time it happened, she barked at me to leave the room. I could tell there was something wrong, but I couldn’t see or smell anything amiss. I simply sensed something ominous lurking in the bedroom like a shark hiding in the briny ocean deep.

I asked her what was wrong and she again sternly insisted that I leave the room. Cowering naked in the cold tile bathroom, I wondered what had happened.

After removing the sheets and wiping herself clean, she allowed me back into the bedroom and explained the “situation.” She was, of course, mortified. I was, of course, flattered that my thrusting had led to such a total loss of her muscular control…even the gasket around her poop chute.

Apparently this happens to other women, but then again some women have orgasms as a result of defecating, so I’m not sure what any of it means in an interplanetary, ontological sense. A commenter claiming to be a woman on a “Bowel Movement During Sex” thread claimed it had happened to her thrice—each time “at the peak of ‘intense’ orgasm.

Well, at least I gave her pleasure. I’m very considerate that way.

 

—JIM GOAD

 


Comments
  1. nacirema says:

    ha, “pooplets”.

  2. red knuckleberry says:

    I’v known a coupla gals who cried when they came. Not nice but better than crapping the bed…

  3. MC Hammer says:

    What a strange and beautiful world full of creatures great and small.

  4. Ecgtheow says:

    Honorable mention goes to the queef. Laughing while pumping is a great way to maximize the caloric burn.

  5. raymi says:

    It’s like Trainspotting. ugh. Glad I do not have this problem. Knock on wood.

  6. George Eliot says:

    Queefer madness is my all-time favourite SBTC article. There’s a Moth Podcast story about some lady who gets divorced and then has her sexual awakening with some guy who gives her her first-ever vaginal orgasm, which apparently caused her to shit herself. This story has made me fearful of ever pursuing one myself.


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