Posted by
Gavin
• 11.21.08 10:30 am


I always thought PR would be a bearable job if you got to choose what you sell. I could start a PR company where we talked about Gatorade, Maker’s Mark, Fridays, ball gags, stilettos, Black Flag, poutine, inside jokes, and catching something someone tried to whip at your head.

I always thought PR would be a bearable job if you got to choose what you sell. I could start a PR company where we talked about Gatorade, Maker’s Mark, Fridays, ball gags, stilettos, Black Flag, poutine, inside jokes, and catching something someone tried to whip at your head. However, having to sit on the phone and tell people about the new Chili Peppers shoes must be a fate worse than death.

My winter coat is one of the things I could happily get on the phone and discuss with strangers. The Spiewak Empire Systems Parka is a jacket I’ve been wearing every winter since, 2000 or some shit and it is the greatest winter coat in the world. I have never been cold in this thing ONCE. In fact, I don’t know if it’s cold out when I’m wearing it because it’s like wearing an apartment around your body. I have to ask the people I’m with what it’s like outside when I’m outside. I’m not kidding. It has handy drawstrings at the bottom so wind can’t get up and the same things on the hood so you can turn your whole head into an insulated foreskin if you want. No hat. No gloves. Endorsement is a sin in this day and age but I can’t hold it in anymore. I am jumping on Oprah’s couch and screaming it to the world, “I highly recommend this piece of reasonably priced outerwe-e-e-e-e-a-a-a-ar!”

PS: Swear to God, stamped, no erasies, swallow the key, on the bible, no monies have been received for this message.


Comments
  1. Vane$$a says:

    I shit you not. I was just sitting at my desk nursing a Maker’s Mark hangover and listening to The First Four Years. Please don’t turn Maker’s Mark into a hipster affectation. It’s too good to be true just the way it is.

  2. felicia says:

    hipsters do love whiskey.

    i need a new coat. i’m fucking sold.

  3. kat says:

    my boyfriend has a similar coat, except his is slightly longer and black…..and he says the same thing. i swear he would give the spiewak a beej if he could, haha.

  4. thrillhouse says:

    what aboot free coats?

  5. Chachi and the MS-13s says:

    I think my roommate just bought this coat.

  6. Smarty Pants says:

    They didn’t even make that gay ass jacket in 2000 (or some shit). And everyone in marketing at Maker’s Mark knows that for some reason they are trying to compete with Jack Daniel’s as the young lad’s whiskey. Do you take in on the rocks with a slice of apple like your little brother or just straight up the ass with a funnel and hose? Huh asshole?

  7. tommy gun says:

    i like whiskey but for some reason not makers. i’m a powers or jameson man. glenmorangie when i have the $.

    yeah spiewak is good value. however, those Rawkus backpack wigger dudes were all over it in teh 1990s – kinda ruined it for me.

  8. srsly says:

    haha i got two i said, TWO, fucken coats from valu village for the low, low price of 40 bucks!

    if it gets to be real cold(and i live in canada so it does get cold to start with) i can always put coat # 2 on top of coat # 1 but i probably wont need to do that because coat # 1 was engineered for hockey players by hockey players.

    *gavin nuthin wrong with makin money! swear to god.

  9. pooty teen says:

    you’re right, poutine is fucking awesome.

  10. J Gilmour says:

    Alpha Industries makes a great cold weather parka as well. Very similar style to the above. Mine was made in the U.S.A too! Around $350 Canadian.

  11. Jake says:

    Banana Republic have some great fucking deals at this time of year.

  12. Beef says:

    “…and catching something someone tried to whip at your head.”

    – God, that’s such a good feeling.

  13. Cap'n Glitterfuzz says:

    Gavin, you seem more like a plastic bottle kind of guy to me.

  14. Fur Burger says:

    The Canada Goose coat looks like quite the bargain at the low low price of $844.99.

  15. jonboncoozie says:

    for some reason, the model reminds me of a penis. whisky? gibson’s.

  16. Giorgio De Chirico says:

    I live in a pretty cold place, but all I need to stay warm, coat wise, is a lined Dickies Eisenhower jacket with a hoodie and a sweater and a t-shirt underneath. That should see any somewhat hardy dude through the worst weather that the lower 48 has to offer.

  17. Crumbling Existence says:

    jonboncoozie said:

    “for some reason, the model reminds me of a penis…”

    Maybe that’s because you’re as gay as a picnic basket. I bet your grandma’s orthopedic shoes remind you of Montgomery Clift’s asshole.

  18. Beef says:

    jonboncoozie Says:
    11.21.08 at 6:08 pm

    “for some reason, the model reminds me of a penis.”

    – He reminds me more of an asshole.

  19. Paul Pierce says:

    i bought a spiewak a few years ago at UO and besides the sleeves being long is super awesome.
    yup, i bought it at urban outfitters, you wanna make something of it?

  20. Nichael says:

    ^ oh i was joping you had bought it at an urge overkill yardsale.

    that’s right, joping.

  21. t-train says:

    I get ridiculed on the ski hills by grommets, but my abbercrombie and fitch coat gets the job done. My mom bought it for me for christmas. The only thing I don’t like about it is the hood is not detachable. Should I bust some twelve year old in the mouth next time they are next to me in line and start talking trash about my coat? It seems like it would be too easy to be gratifying.

  22. just sayin´ says:

    buy that wonderful jacket above. when they see the star on the arm they will not fuck with you.

  23. Spiewak Corporate Sales says:

    excellent post, your check’s in the mail

  24. jonboncoozie says:

    hey Crumbling Existence. take a long hard suck on my peeter, okay? and if i was gay, who the fuck cares, asshole?

  25. jonboncoozie says:

    i mean, ASSHOLE!!!! hahahaha…

  26. […] has written before about his favorite winter coat and I thought I’d share mine. Last year I couldn’t go an hour without seeing someone in […]

  27. nerdkiller says:

    you’re all faggots for not getting this: http://www.furoutlet.com/item.asp?Product=FULLSKIN-FOX-COLLAR-SECTIONAL-4
    Prolly warmer when covered with PETA blood


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