Ladies and gentlemen, welcome; to the first annual Harvey Milk Memorial Gayest Celebrity Twitter Awards. One of the magnificent aspects of Twitter is its ability to unite so many talented
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome; to the first annual Harvey Milk Memorial Gayest Celebrity Twitter Awards. One of the magnificent aspects of Twitter is its ability to unite so many talented celebrities, from so many disciplines and so many corners of the globe, and bring them together to strive toward achieving a positive public perception. It’s a medium that breaks down boundaries of ethnicity, class, and nationality, and unites them all on a level playing field of gayness.
Tonight, we come together to celebrate outstanding achievement in the field of faggotry, and to recognize the queerest Tweets in our industry.
And now, without further ado, the envelopes please:
Number 10 belongs to Rock Royalty Billy Corgan:
For a guy who built his career on pretending to be depressed, the Academy recognizes this Tweet as an impressively large cockwad of tie-dyed hippie jizoff.
Number 9 goes out to unlikely candidate Miley Cyrus:
Here at the Academy we’ve tried to resist awarding professionally gay Twitterers like Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, or Clay Aiken – GAY tweets mean so much more when they’re coming from celebrities who try NOT to be gay. However, we absolutely had to make an exception here – this tweet made our balls shrink so bad that we just couldn’t pass it over.
Number 8 is awarded to Star Trek Wunderkind Wil Wheaton:
No matter how much money your son has Ms. Wheaton, it seems as though you’ve failed. Little more time on the B-Ball courts, little less time on Spock’s hoo-haw.
Number 7 belongs to technical guitar phenom Dave Navarro:
…and it’s never a bad day for a buttcock!
Number 6 goes out to Lesbian Activist Samantha Ronson:
Hard to imagine what her and Lindsay ever saw in each other; I guess opposites attract.
Number 5 is bestowed upon Lucky Motherfucker DJ AM:
Number 4 goes to heroic survivor Lance Armstrong:
…and endless numbered penis on the brain.
Number 3 belongs to NIN Tribute Band Leader Trent Reznor:
How about Philadelphia?
Number 2 is a TIE! Too close to call, ladies and gentlemen:
The First part goes to the edgy, underground thinker Alyssa Milano:
…and the second goes to edgy underground late-night host Jimmy Fallon:
If he were here tonight, Harvey would be beaming with pride at both of your achievements.
And the Number One Harvey Milk Memorial Gayest Twitter Award goes to….. DIDDY! For his brilliant work in the field of self-importance and Christian Evangelism:
Like other religious leaders, The Priest of Twitter has got a direct line to god – and like others with this privilege, Diddy uses it exclusively to bless and protect his followers.
See you in 2010! Thank you very much and good night!
PS: Open Mic is back on this weekend. We won’t be putting up just anything though so try to deliver something more than 7 people would want to read. Send submissions to sbtvc(and then the “at” symbol)streetcarnage.com.