Posted by
Seth Macy
• 01.24.14 10:00 am


Turns out, friendzoning isn’t a real thing.

It’s actually a misogynistic construct of our rape-culture patriarchy. Which is just another in a long line of “Here is something that happens, that is actually something with underlying motivations of a most diabolical nature.” Like hating that Obamacare pajama boy motherfucker. If you hate his stupid, smug fucking face and want to smash him right through that fucking retarded onesie, it’s not because he just looks like an asshole. It’s because you’re anti-Semitic!

Can’t we just call a spade a spade and not have someone point out that at one time, “spade” was a racial epithet for black people in America? Why does everything have to have sinister undertones? Friendzoning is not “guys thinking they deserve sex for being nice.” Friendzoning is when a dude is being a complete pussy.

The “friendzone” is not somewhere guys are “put.” “Dude, I got put in the friendzone” is what some whiny bitch dude will say. The fault is entirely with him, though, for not making his intentions clear from the outset.

The typical self-described “nice guy” acts nice for the sake of being nice. He might be attracted to a woman sexually but is too much of a pussy—oops, I mean “too nice”—to make his intentions clear from the outset. He fools himself into believing that not acknowledging his attraction makes him seem nicer and therefore raises his sexual cachet with the woman to whom he is treating nicely.

“I will rub her feet and listen to her talk about her day, and I will tell her nice things,” is what Nice Guy thinks. And then he does all that shit for months and one day he says to his lady friend, “I like you as more than just a friend.” And that’s when the girl says, “What the fuck are talking about, you motherfucker?” That may not be a direct quote, but in a woman’s mind, finding out her trusted friend wants to sex her up is like finding out her brother wants to sex her up.

Since Nice Guy didn’t make his intentions clear from the outset, the woman now feels betrayed. She has approached their relationship as one built on friendship and trust, not the potential for sex. She liked to have a guy friend who, for once, didn’t want to just sleep with her. And she believed that’s who he was the whole time. And it’s all because the guy in the friendzone is a little bitch who didn’t make his move from the start.

Friendzoning isn’t a misogynistic notion of being owed sex. It’s a real product of little baby boys too afraid to ask a pretty girl on a date. Then they further dig themselves in by tricking themselves into thinking that misleading a woman is somehow showing her respect. “Guys are always being pricks to her, but I respect her. I tell her she’s pretty, not ‘I like your ass.'”

Yeah, that’s great and all, but when you treat someone as a friend and gain their trust as such, what the fuck do you expect? When you pull off the mask like the whole relationship has been an elaborate Scooby-Doo mystery, anyone—male or female—will feel betrayed.

Stop crying about being friendzoned. If you want to be in a relationship with a woman, ask her out for coffee or something early on. Don’t be a pussy. Even worse, don’t be a pussy and then act surprised when it doesn’t work out. It’s your own damn fault.
—SETH MACY


Comments
  1. ya got me grinnin says:

    youre right. “Friendzoning is when a dude is being a complete pussy.” is exactly right.

    the problem is when a guy has grown up in a PC culture and is entirely unequipped to not be a complete pussy.

    missin out on some sweet poon is the immediate cause of anguish, but the society that has betrayed nature in favor of some feelgood ideological castration is the real culprit.

    he should be criticizing the systemic emasculation of men, not girls who are following their pussy tingles.

  2. TWalsh2 says:

    Writing about “friendzoning” is a fairly good indication that you may be a pussy too. Not necessarily a pussy on the same level as pajama boy, but that’s a pretty low hurdle.

  3. Alec Leamas says:

    You got it partially right. A “nice guy” who gets put in the “friendzone” is someone who makes the mistake of listening to the bullshit that girls say and taking it at face value. Bitches say dumb shit like “I just want a nice guy who treats me with respect and likes to do the dumb girl shit that I like to do.” Then the nice guy figures to himself “I’ll be nicer than nice, more respectful than she’s ever seen, and I think I’ll take up antiquing for vintage Barbie Dolls as a hobby.” He thinks the object of his desire will think (as happens in romantic comedies) “Oh my, the really nice guy who is super respectful and who likes to antique for vintage Barbies has been right here all along, *swoon*!” Being a nice guy is perfectly logical – he’s observed what girls say and what they like to do and what they like about boys in romantic comedies, and he just tries his hardest to imitate/replicate all of that data. He’s also probably been raised in a culture in which normal male assertiveness and attraction to females is characterized as aggression and something shameful, one in which “sexual harassment” is some sort of quasi-crime. The problem with that is that bitches ain’t logical, and you’re better off watching what they do and disregarding 98% of what they say out of hand.

  4. Cocofang says:

    it’s a rite of passage if we’re all being honest.

  5. BRM says:

    Been friendzoned once. Got made fun of behind my back by her to a group of mutual friends and co-workers. Got to watch her hook up with a guy too young for her and watch her lose the mutual friends and co-workers after they heard what she did to me.

    Never was going to put myself in that position again. Guys, if you hear a woman tell you that she wants to be friends when you meet her for the first time, then buy her a beer and be a friend. If she tells you that after a few dates, chock up your loses to your tuition bill for the school of hard knocks, dump her, stop all contact with her (even if she makes the first contact), and move on.

    It is correct that being super nice gets you friend zoned. It is also true that there are chicks out there that don’t know how to break it off without being either a raging B or putting the guy into the friendzone.

    Basic survival tip for young men: If you hear “special friend”, dump the girl in a polite, but cold manner before she can finish and dump you. Go home and immediately delete all contact info. For bonus points, throw out all items she gave you that have any potential sentimental value in a way that is creative. (My fave was dropping a framed picture of my last “special friend” down a 10 story tall trash chute the evening after the dumpster was emptied so I could hear the satisfying shatter of the glass against the steel. Made a nice passage in a short story I wrote.)

  6. buh says:

    I like how this started how all “un-PC” but then ended up sounding exactly like every other article about the friendzone. You brought absolutely nothing to the discussion. Here’s my shitty thoughts!
    When you’re trying to fuck a girl without paying for it directly, everyone starts out as the nice guy (what the fuck do you do, hotshot, take out your erect penis and tie her hair around it and say “you’re mine now”). Getting put in the friendzone is just another way of saying you unsuccessfully tried to get laid, which is what guys complain about most of the time anyway. Except you, stud. The problem is internet feminists have tried to turn this into some extraordinarily sexist thing, much like they’ve tried to turn men sitting in a subway car into a sexist thing. Jesus Christ, do I have to write this article for you?

    P.S. You sad fuckers commenting in this thread are 1) perpetuating a stereotype and 2) absolutely destroying my argument. Please stop. Breathing.

  7. angry al says:

    That’s why I put it out there first and maybe sometimes afterwards I’ll become friends. As they say what are friends for anyway.

  8. pfft says:

    Dear guys complaining about being ‘friendzoned”- it’s because you have a small dick. She felt it through your pants, she touched it, whatever- you have a small dick. Also, you’re probably a total loser. Which is why you have to throw framed pictures off trash chutes to get over people. Good luck with your “short story”, fugly.
    p.s we all die alone, grow up.

  9. ThroatKnife says:

    You should try your hand at serial killing. You have a great name for it.

  10. Anonymous says:

    @Alec, i agree

  11. ANoniMISS says:

    @Alec, i agree

  12. Don says:

    “When you pull off the mask like the whole relationship has been an elaborate Scooby-Doo mystery, anyone—male or female—will feel betrayed.”

    Haha. Precisely. Lol.

  13. Steve says:

    I thought this lady had some good observations about this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9XDb0nxSO4

  14. McBro says:

    I think all you dudes are fucking sexist and are so fucking up your own dick holes that you will probably never see the light. So according to this shit article, men should not be “pussies” and come out and state their true desires. What does it mean to be a pussy according to Seth Macy? Does it mean that the instant a male meets a female he needs to decide weather she is fuckable or not and tell her as soon as possible his intentions? This article is over simplifying gender relations its sorta sad. Even in the end when the author states “If you want to be in a relationship with a woman, ask her out for coffee or something early on. Don’t be a pussy. Even worse, don’t be a pussy and then act surprised when it doesn’t work out. It’s your own damn fault.” There some seems to be a lot of code speak in that quote. Does the author mean to say If you want to fuck a women, ask her out for coffee or something early on. Don’t be a pussy. Even worse, don’t be a pussy and then act surprised when she didn’t fuck you. I mean the entire premise of males who express emotions or frustration as pussies should be the first fucking red flag. I am too tired to dedicate anything else to this vile garbage website.

  15. bundz says:

    ^you sound like you’re arguing with yourself. The author didn’t say males who express emotions are pussies. He said you should express your emotions (of being attracted to the girl) *early on* so you and the girl are on the same page. If anything, he’s saying it’s hiding your emotions that makes you a pussy and just causes frustration for everyone involved later.

  16. Alec Leamas says:

    “When you pull off the mask like the whole relationship has been an elaborate Scooby-Doo mystery, anyone—male or female—will feel betrayed.”
    ___________________________________

    Actually, this part is bullshit. If a halfway attractive woman or better pretended to be my friend in order to get in my pants, I don’t think I’d feel betrayed – delightfully surprised, but not betrayed, highlighting an important difference between men and women.

  17. Alec Leamas says:

    So according to this shit article, men should not be “pussies” and come out and state their true desires. What does it mean to be a pussy according to Seth Macy? Does it mean that the instant a male meets a female he needs to decide weather she is fuckable or not and tell her as soon as possible his intentions?
    ___________________________________________________

    The deal is that you can’t act in an asexual way around a woman if you’ll want to fuck her at any time. It has more to do with the way they sort men into their fuck/no fuck piles early on than what you think is fair/unfair or sexist.


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