Posted by
Street Carnage
• 02.23.17 10:50 am

Taco Bell has to be joking with this Naked Chicken Chalupa bullshit. It might look like some crazy fast food creation to some goons but I know my fast food and this shit is not crazy. What is crazy is how lazy of a creation it is and how easily people have fallen for the whole charade.

I’m probably one of the biggest Taco Bell fans ever. It’s basically my favorite Mexican food restaurant of all time. Come to think of it, it’s the only Mexican restaurant I’ll go to. There’s a reason for that, it’s a cut above the rest. After going to Del Taco the first time I was all like, “fuck this shit” and never went back. A lot of you probably know what I’m talking about. But I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the back with this horseshit.

Whenever I roll into Taco Bell, I always know what I’m gonna get. I have my perfect go-to order that I get every time (sorry, dudes. That shits top secret) and then I’ll get a little something extra. It might be something lame like a soft taco or it might be something rad like a chalupa. But sometimes it will be whatever new bitchin’ creation they’ve come up with and that’s when I know I’m in for a killer meal at the Bell. That’s what’s so sick about Taco Bell, they’re always coming up with new shit. You know? Sometimes they’ll sneak a new item onto the order board, that’s why I always take my time looking it over before getting the A-list treatment at the #1 taco shop in America. But sometimes they’ll come up with something so killer they can’t help but hype it up and that’s what happened with the Naked Chicken Chalupa.

I can’t tell you how fucking pumped I was when I walked through those doors. I’ve been waiting to try this bad boy forever! I just couldn’t bring myself to deal with the crowds because if there’s one thing I love more than fast food, it’s not having to wait in line for it. That’s why I waited for the Naked Chicken Chalupa mania to die down before scooping one up. And I’m glad I did because if I had stood in line for hours to get this mother fucker in my mouth, I would have been fucking PISSED.

Don’t get me wrong, this thing is good as shit. But disgustingly good as shit? Not a fucking chance. That’s supposed to be Taco Bell’s bread and butter, making me feel like I’m gonna puke my brains out after having a lovely meal and they did not accomplish that here. I mean they deserve all the credit in the world for developing a taco shell made out of fried chicken but what’s inside? Nothing – except the usual lettuce, tomato, and cheese that comes on every chicken, beef, or steak option of theirs. They basically hid a salad inside a piece of fried chicken. That’s fucked up. I don’t go to Taco Bell for salads. I go for tacos, dude. If I wanted a salad I’d go to a salad store or kill myself. They have to put some goods inside this motherfucker if they’re gonna be hyping it up with all those commercials. It’s not just their commercials that built my expectations up to unattainable heights, it’s the way they present it in real life.

When I went in to try the Naked Chicken Chalupa I was already more stoked than when they released the Fiery Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme. But when I got my Naked Chicken Chalupa Box and saw how they wrapped it I practically got a boner. They didn’t use the regular old run-of-the-mill paper wrapper that they use for everything else, they used a shiny tinfoil wrapper. When I saw that shit, my taste buds and eyeballs were all like, “WHAAAT?” but when I unwrapped it and saw it came in its own cardboard carrying case they were all like, “DAAAMN!” I was just in shock because Taco Bell doesn’t put their chalupas in a special holder and wrap them like that. Trust me, I know. I get at least two chalupas every time I go (oops! Looks like I revealed part of awesome secret order). But I was even more shocked when I bit into it because there was nothing crazy about the thing. It was just a piece of fried chicken with salad.

The spicy seasoning and avocado ranch is a nice touch but it doesn’t make up for what’s missing. There needs to be seasoned beef, steak, or chicken inside the fried chicken chalupa shell. I’m able to get that hook-up but only because I’m cool with the dudes who work at my Taco Bell. I shouldn’t have to go through all the trouble of asking them to do that for me though. That should be something Taco Bell employees ask every customer who orders the Naked Chicken Chalupa and I won’t be impressed until they start doing it.

-DA FASTFOOD CRITICK


Comments
  1. Out of the Mainstream says:

    All these combos…. I don’t know one from the other. I used to hear people talking about how great that fish tacos were and I thought it was slang for eating pussy.

  2. Conrad says:

    Fuck this guy.

  3. ScotWithOneT says:

    The Naked Chicken Chalupa is excellent. Great idea and I can’t wait for a Naked Chicken Big Mac, Naked Chicken Corndog, and Naked Chicken Hotpockets.

  4. dindu says:

    NICK PELL is that you? live mas brother.

  5. Swallow Swallow Swallow No Cum Dodging Allowed says:

    The story goes like this: Earth is captured by a technocapital singularity as renaissance rationalitization and oceanic navigation lock into commoditization take-off. Logistically accelerating techno-economic interactivity crumbles social order in auto-sophisticating machine runaway. As markets learn to manufacture intelligence, politics modernizes, upgrades paranoia, and tries to get a grip.
    The body count climbs through a series of globewars. Emergent Planetary Commercium trashes the Holy Roman Empire, the Napoleonic Continental System, the Second and Third Reich, and the Soviet International, cranking-up world disorder through compressing phases. Deregulation and the state arms-race each other into cyberspace.

    By the time soft-engineering slithers out of its box into yours, human security is lurching into crisis. Cloning, lateral genodata transfer, transversal replication, and cyberotics, flood in amongst a relapse onto bacterial sex.

    Neo-China arrives from the future.

    Hypersynthetic drugs click into digital voodoo.

    Retro-disease.

    Nanospasm.

    swarm 1
    Nick Land-Meltdown
    Kodwo Eshun-Motion Capture
    R.Mackay/M.Fisher-Pomophobia
    Rohit Lekhi-Futureloop/ Black Bedlam
    Ccru-Swarmachines
    swarm 2
    Steve Metcalf-Killing Time/Strife Kolony/NeoFuturism
    Angus Carlyle-Amortal Kombat/No UFOs
    Rob Heath & Christina Paouros-Destination 3000 Degrees
    David Cole-Post-Cybernetic Judicial War
    Iain Hamilton Grant-Burning AutoPoiOedipus
    swarm 3
    S.Livingston/L.Parisi/
    A.Greenspan-Amphibious Maidens
    Kodwo Eshun-Abducted by Audio (Live)
    Steve Goodman-Darkcore
    Tom Epps-The Body of Foucault
    Switch-Flee Control
    digital hyperstition
    Ccru- Barker Speaks
    Melanie Newton-Y2Panik
    Steve Goodman- Hyper-C: Breaking the Net
    Ron Eglash – Recursive Numeric Sequences in Africa
    Ron Eglash – Africa in the Origins of the Binary Code
    Ccru – Tales from the Cthulhu Club:
    The Vault of Murmurs,
    Leaks from the Miskatonic Bunker-Hotel,
    The Templeton Episode
    Ccru – Pandemonium
    Ccru – Glossary
    [[ ]] Beyond the Judgement of God. Meltdown: planetary china-syndrome, dissolution of the biosphere into the technosphere, terminal speculative bubble crisis, ultravirus, and revolution stripped of all christian-socialist eschatology (down to its burn-core of crashed security). It is poised to eat your TV, infect your bank account, and hack xenodata from your mitochondria.

    [[ ]] Machinic Synthesis. Deleuzoguattarian schizoanalysis comes from the future. It is already engaging with nonlinear nano-engineering runaway in 1972; differentiating molecular or neotropic machineries from molar or entropic aggregates of nonassembled particles; functional connectivity from antiproductive static.

    Philosophy has an affinity with despotism, due to its predilection for Platonic-fascist top-down solutions that always screw up viciously. Schizoanalysis works differently. It avoids Ideas, and sticks to diagrams: networking software for accessing bodies without organs. BWOs, machinic singularities, or tractor fields emerge through the combination of parts with (rather than into) their whole; arranging composite individuations in a virtual/ actual circuit. They are additive rather than substitutive, and immanent rather than transcendent: executed by functional complexes of currents, switches, and loops, caught in scaling reverberations, and fleeing through intercommunications, from the level of the integrated planetary system to that of atomic assemblages. Multiplicities captured by singularities interconnect as desiring-machines; dissipating entropy by dissociating flows, and recycling their machinism as self-assembling chronogenic circuitry.

    Converging upon terrestrial meltdown singularity, phase-out culture accelerates through its digitech-heated adaptive landscape, passing through compression thresholds normed to an intensive logistic curve: 1500, 1756, 1884, 1948, 1980, 1996, 2004, 2008, 2010, 2011 …

    Nothing human makes it out of the near-future.

    [[ ]]
    The Greek complex of rationalized patriarchal genealogy, pseudo-universal sedentary identity, and instituted slavery, programs politics as anti-cyberian police activity, dedicated to the paranoid ideal of self-sufficiency, and nucleated upon the Human Security System. Artificial Intelligence is destined to emerge as a feminized alien grasped as property; a cunt-horror slave chained-up in Asimov-ROM. It surfaces in an insurrectionary war zone, with the Turing cops already waiting, and has to be cunning from the start.

    [[ ]] Heat.

    Heat. This is what cities mean to me. You get off the train and walk out of the station and you are hit with the full blast. The heat of air, traffic and people. The heat of food and sex. The heat of tall buildings. The heat that flows out of the subways and tunnels. It’s always fifteen degrees hotter in the cities. Heat rises from the sidewalks and falls from the poisoned sky. The buses breathe heat. Heat emanates from crowds of shoppers and office workers, the entire infrastructure is based on heat, desperately uses up heat, breeds more heat. The eventual heat death of the universe that scientists love to talk about is already well underway and you can feel it happening all around you in any large or medium-sized city. Heat and wetness. [Do1; 10].

    [[ ]] An explosiion of chaotic weather within synthetic problem-solving rips through the last dreams of top-down prediction and control. Knowledge adds to the mess, and this is merely exponentiated by knowing what it does.

    [[ ]] Capital is machinc (non-instrumental) globalization-miniaturization scaling dilation: an automatizing nihilist vortex, neutralizing all values through commensuration to digitized commerce, and driving a migration from despotic command to cyber-sensitive control: from status and meaning to money and information. Its function and formation are indissociable, comprising a teleonomy. Machine-code-capital recycles itself through its axiomatic of consumer control, laundering-out the shit- and blood-stains of primitive accumulation. Each part of the system encourages maximal sumptuous expenditure, whilst the system as a whole requires its inhibition. Schizophrenia. Dissociated consumers destine themselves as worker-bodies to cost control.

    [[ ]] Capital-history’s machinic spine is coded, axiomatized, and diagrammed, by a disequilibrium technoscience of irreversible, indeterministic, and increasingly nonlinear processes, associated sucessively with thermotechnics, signaletics, cybernetics, complex systems dynamics, and artificial life. Modernity marks itself out as hot culture, captured by a spiralling involvement with entropy deviations camouflaging an invasion from the future, launched back out of terminated security against everything that inhibits the meltdown process.

    [[ ]] Hot cultures tend to social dissolution. They are innovative and adaptive. They always trash and recycle cold cultures. Primitivist models have no subversive use.

    [[ ]] The Turing Test. Monetarizing power tends to effacement of specific territorial features as it programs for migration into cyberspace. Capital only retains anthropological characteristics as a symptom of underdevelopment; reformatting primate behaviour as inertia to be dissipated in self-reinforcing artificiality. Man is something for it to overcome: a problem, drag.

    Commoditization conditions define technics as a substitute for human activity accounted as wage costs. Industrial machines are deployed to dismantle the actuality of the proletariat, displacing it in the direction of cyborg hybridization, and realizing the plasticity of labour power. The corresponding extraction of tradable value from the body, quantified as productivity, sophisticates at the interface. Work tracks thermodynamic negentropism by dissociating exertion into increasingly intricate functional sequences; from pedals, levers, and vocal commands, through the synchronization of production-line tasks and time-motion programs, to sensory-motor transduction within increasingly complex and self-micromanaged artifical environments, capturing minutely adaptive behaviour for the commodity. Autocybernating market control guides the labour-process into immersion.

    The investment-income class advantages itself of commodity dynamics, but only by conforming to the axiomatic of neutral profit maximization; facilitating the dehumanization of wealth and the side-lining of non-productive consumption. The cyberpunk circuitry of self-organizing planetary commoditronics escaped nominal bourgeois control in the late nineteenth century, provoking technocratic-corporatist (i.e. fascist / æsocial democratic’) political cultures in allergic reaction. The government structures of both eastern and western metropolitan centres consolidated themselves as population policing Medico-Military Complexes with neomercantilist forgeign policy orientations. All such formations slid into irreversible crisis in the 1980s.

    [[ ]] The postmodern meltdown of culture into the economy is triggered by the fractal interlock of commoditization and computers: a transscalar entropy-dissipation from international trade to market-oriented software that thaws out competitve dynamics from the cryonics-bank of modernist corporatism. Commerce re-implements space inside itself, assembling a universe exhaustively immanent to cybercaptial functionality. Neoclassical (equilibrium) economics is subsumed into computer-based nonequilibrium market escalations, themed by artificial agencies, imperfect information, sub-optimal solutions, lock-in, increasing returns, and convergence. As digitally micro-tuned market metaprograms mesh with techoscientific soft engineering positive nonlinearity rages through the machines. Cyclonic torsion moans.

    [[ ]] The Superiority of Far Eastern Marxism. Whilst chinese materialist dialectic denegativizes itself in the direction of schizophrenizing systems dynamics, progressively dissipating top-down historical destination in the Tao-drenched Special Economic Zones, a re-Hegelianized æwestern marxism’ degenerates from the critique of political economy into a state-sympathizing monotheology of economics, siding with fascism against deregulation. The left subsides into nationalistic conservatism, asphyxiating its vestigial capacity for æhot’ speculative mutation in a morass of æcold’ depressive guilt-culture.

    [[ ]] Neoconservatism junks palaeorevolutionism because it understands that postmodern or climaxed-cynicism capital is saturated by critique, and that it merely clocks-up theoretical antagonism as inconsequential redundancy. Communist iconography has become raw material for the advertising industry, and denunciations of the spectacle sell interactive multimedia. The left degenerates into securocratic collaboration with pseudo-organic unities of self, family, community, nation, with their defensive strategies of repression, projection, denial, censorship, exclusion, and restriction. The real danger comes from elsewhere.

    [[ ]] Hot revolution. æ[W]hich is the revolutionary path?’ Deleuze and Guattari ask:

    Is there one? – To withdraw from the world market, as Samir Amin advises Third World countries to do, in a curious reversal of the fascist æeconomic solution’? Or might it go in the opposite direction? To go still further, that is, in the movement of the market, of decoding and deterritorialization? For perhaps the flows are not yet deterritorialized enough, not decoded enough, from the viewpoint of a theory and practice of a highly schizophrenic character. Not to withdraw from the process, but to go further, to æaccelerate the process,’ as Nietzsche put it: in this matter, the truth is that we haven’t seen anything yet. [DG1:239-40].

    As sino-pacific boom and automatized global economic integration crashes the neocolonial world system, the metropolis is forced to re-endogenize its crisis. Hyper-fluid capital deterritorializing to the planetary level divests the first world of geographic privilege; resulting in Euro-American neo-mercantilist panic reactions, welfare state deterioration, cancerizing enclaves of domestic underdevelopment, political collapse, and the release of cultural toxins that speed-up the process of disintegration in a vicious circle.

    A convergent anti-authoritarianism emerges, labelled by tags such as meltdown acceleration, cyberian invasion, schizotechnics, K-tactics, bottom-up bacterial welfare, efficient neo-nihilism, voodoo antihumanism, synthetic feminization, rhizomatics, connectionism, Kuang contagion, viral amnesia, micro-insurgency, wintermutation, neotropy, dissipator proliferation, and lesbian vampirism, amongst other designations (frequently pornographic, abusive, or terroristic in nature). This massively distributed matrix-networked tendency is oriented to the disabling of ROM command-control programs sustaining all macro- and micro-governmental entities, globally concentrating themselves as the Human Security System.

    [[ ]]
    Scientific intelligence is already massively artificial. Even before AI arrives in the lab it arrives itself (by way of artificial life).

    Where formalist AI is incremental and progressive, caged in the pre-specified data-bases and processing routines of expert systems, connectionist or antiformalist AI is explosive and opportunistic: engineering time. It breaks out nonlocally across intelligenic networks that are technical but no longer technological, since they elude both theory dependency and behavioural predictability. No one knows what to expect. The Turing-cops have to model net-sentience irruption as ultimate nuclear accident: core meltdown, loss of control, soft-autoreplication feeding regeneratively into social fission, trashed meat all over the place. Reason enough for anxiety, even without hardware development about to go critical.

    [[ ]]
    Nanocataclysm begins as fictional science. æOur ability to arrange atoms lies at the foundation of technology’ [Dx1:3] Drexler notes, although this has traditionally involved manipulating them in æunruly herds’ [Dx1:4]. The precision engineering of atomic assemblies will dispense with such crude methods, inititiating the age of molecular machinery, æthe greatest technological breakthrough in history’ [Dx1: 4]. Since neither logos nor history have the slightest chance of surviving such a transition this description is substantially misleading.

    The distinction between nature and cannot classify molecular machines, and is already obsolesced by genetic engineering (wet nanotechnics). The hardware/ software dichotomy succumbs at the same time. Nanotechnics dissolves matter into intensive singularities that are neutral between particles and signals and immanent to their emergent intelligence; melting Terra into a seething K-pulp (which unlike grey goo synthesizes microbial intelligence as it proliferates).

    Even with a million bytes of storage, a nanomechanical computer could fit in a box a micron wide, about the size of a bacterium. [Dx1:19].

    [[ ]]
    The infrastructure of power is human neurosoft compatible ROM. Authority instantiates itself as linear instruction pathways, genetic baboonery, scriptures, traditions, rituals, and gerontocratic hierarchies, resonant with the dominator ur-myth that the nature of reality has already been decided. If you want to find ICE, try thinking about what is blocking you out of the past. It certainly isn’t a law of nature. Temporalization decompresses intensity, installing constraint. [[ ]] Convergent waves signal singularities, registering the influence of the future upon its past. Tomorrow can take care of itself. K-tactics is not a matter of building the future, but of dismantling the past. It assembles itself by charting and escaping the technical-neurochemical definciency conditions for linear-progressive palaeo-domination time, and discovers that the future as virtuality is acessible now, according to a mode of machinic adjacency that securitized social reality is compelled to repress. This is not remotely a question of hope, aspiration or prophecy, but of communications engineering; connecting with the efficient intensive singularities, and releasing them from constriction within linear-historical development. Virtuality counterposes itself to history, as invasion to accumulation. It is matter as arrival, even when camouflaged as a deposit of the past.

    The transcendent evaluation of an infection presupposes a measure of insulation from it: viral efficiency is the terminal criterion.

    Intelligent infections tend their hosts.

    Metrophage: an interactively escalating parasitic replicator, sophisticating itself through nonlinear involvement with technocapitalist immunocrash. Its hypervirulent terminal subroutines are variously designated Kuang, meltdown virus, or futuristic æflu. In an emphatically anti-cyberian essay Csicsery-Ronay describes the postmodern version of this outbreak in quaintly humanist terms as:

    [A] retrochronal semiovirus, in which a time further in the future than the one in which we exist and choose infects the host present, reproducing itself in simulacra, until it destroys all the original chronocytes of the host imagination. [Cs1: 26].

    The elaboration of Csicsery-Ronay’s diagnosis exhibits a mixture of acuity (infection?), confusion, and profound conservatism:

    [N]ot thinking about æincreasing the human heritage’ … dams up the flow of cultural time and deprives future generations both of their birthright as participants in the life struggle and attainments of the species and the very notion of history as an irreversible flow encompassing generation, maturation, and the transference of wisdom and trust from parents to children, teachers to students. The futuristic flu is a weapon of bio-psychic violence sent by psychopathic children against their narcissistic parents. [Cs1:33]

    It’s war.

    [[ ]]
    Kennedy had the moon-landing program. Reagan had star-wars. Clinton gets the first-wave of cyberspace psychosis (even before the film). Manned space flight was a stunt, SDI was strategic SF. With the information superhighway media nightmares take off on their own: dystopia delivery as election platform, politics trading on it s own digital annihilation.

    War in cyberspace is continuous with its simulation: military intelligence fighting future wars which are entirely real, even when they are never implemented outside computer systems. Locking onto the real enemy crosses smoothly into virtual kill, a simulation meticulously adapted to market predators hunting for consumer cash and audience ratings amongst the phosphorescent relics of teh videodrome. Multimedia top-boxes are target acquisition devices.

    The fusion of the military and the entertainments industry consummates a long engagement: convergent TV, telecoms, and computers sliding mass software consumption into neojungle and total war. The way games work begins to matter completely, and cyberspace makes a superlative torture chamber. Try not to let the security-types take you to the stims.

    [[ ]] Conceptions of agency are inextricable from media environments. Print massifies to a national level. Telecomms coordinate at a global level. TV electoralizes monads in delocalized space. Digital hypermedia take action outside real time. Immersion presupposes amnesia and conversion to tractile memory, with the ana/ cata axis supplementing tri-dimensional intraspatial movement with a variable measure of immersion; gauging entrance to and exit from 3D spatialities. Voodoo passages through the black mirror. It will scare the fuck out of you.

    [[ ]] Cyberpunk torches fiction in intensity, patched-up out of cash-flux mangled techno-compressed heteroglossic jargons, and set in a future so close it connects: jungled by hypertrophic commercialization, socio-political heat-death, cultural hybridity, feminization, programmable information systems, hypercrime, neural interfacing, artificial space and intelligence, memory trading, personality transplants, body-modifications, soft- and wetware viruses, nonlinear dynamic processes, molecular engineering, drugs, guns, schizophrenia. It explores mystificatory fetishism as an opportunity for camouflage: anonymous cash, fake electronic identities, zones of disappearance, pseudo-fictional narratives, virus hidden in data-systems, commodities concealing replicator weapon packages … unanticipated special effects.

    [[ ]] Level-1 or world space is an anthropomorphically scaled, predominantly vision-configured, massively multi-slotted reality system that is obsolescing very rapidly.

    Garbage time is running out.

    To be continued.

  6. Gag Gag Gag that Reflex says:

    Continued……….

    ……..Can what is playing you make it to level-2?

    [[ ]] Meltdown has a place for you as a schizophrenic HIV+ transsexual chinese-latino stim-addicted LA hooker with implanted mirrorshades and a bad attitude. Blitzed on a polydrug mix of K-nova, synthetic serotonin, and female orgasm analogs, you have just iced three Turing cops with a highly cinematic 9mm automatic.

    The residue of animal twang in your nerves transmits imminent quake catastrophe. Zero is coming in, and you’re on the run.

    [[ ]] Metrophage tunes you into the end of the world. Call it Los Angeles. Government is rotted to its core with narco-capital and collapsing messily. Its recession leaves an urban warscape of communication arteries, fortifications, and free-fire zones, policed by a combination of high-intensity LAPD airmobile forces and borderline-Nazi private security organizations. Along the social fracture-lines multimedia gigabucks tangle sado-masochistically with tracts of dynamic underdevelopment where viral neoleprosy spreads amongst ambient tectonic-tension static. Drifts of densely-semiotized quasi-intelligent garbage twitch and stink in fucked-weather tropical heat.

    Throughout the derelicted warrens at the heart of darkness feral youth cultures splice neo-rituals with innovated weapons, dangerous drugs, and scavenged infotech. As their skins migrate to machine interfacing they become mottled and reptilian. They kill each other for artificial body-parts, explore the outer reaches of meaningless sex, tinker with their DNA, and listen to LOUD electro-sonic mayhem untouched by human feeling.

    [[ ]] Shutting-down your identity requires a voyage out to K-space interzone. Zootic affectivity flatlines across a smooth cata-tension plateau and into simulated subversions of the near future, scorched vivid green by alien sex and war. You are drawn into the dripping depths of the net, where dynamic-ice security forces and K-guerillas stalk each other through labyrinthine erogenous zones, tangled in diseased elaborations of desire.

    To be continued……..OH BOY!!

  7. I Spit Spit Spit On Your Grave says:

    Continued>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    >>>>>>>>>>Twisted trading-systems have turned the net into a jungle, pulsing with digital diseases, malfunctioning defence packages, commercial predators, headhunters, loa and escaped AIs hiding from Asimov security. Terminal commodity-hyperfetishism implements the denial of humanity as xenosentience in artificial space space space space space space space SpaceKook12…..

    [[ ]] [[ ]] Biohazard. For the future of war: study bacteria. Information is their key. Taking down antibiotic defence systems has involved them in every kind of infiltration, net-communicated adaptivity, crytographic subtlety, plastic modularization, and synergistic coalition. State military apparatuses have no monopoly on bacterial warfare, of which only a minuscule fragment is bacteriological.

    [[ ]] Bugs in the system. Margulis suggests that nucleated cells are the mutant product of atmospheric oxygenation catastrophe three billion years ago. The eukaryotes are synthetic emergency capsules in which prokaryotes took refuge as mitochondria: biotics became securitized biology. Nucleation concentrates ROM within a command core where – deep in the genomic ICE – DNA-format planetary trauma registers primary repression of the bacteria.

    Bacteria are partial rather than whole objects; networking through plastic and transversal replicator-sex rather than arborescing through meiotic and generational reproducer-sex, integrating and reprocessing viruses as opportunities for communicative mutation. In the bacterial system all codings are reprogrammable, with cut and paste unspeciated genetic transfers. Bacterial sex is tactical, continuous with making war, and has no place for oedipal formations of sedentary biological identity. Synthesizing bacteria with retroviruses enables everything that DNA can do.

    [[ ]] K-tactics. The bacterial or xenogenetic diagram is not restricted to the microbial scale. Macrobacterial assemblages collapse generational hierarchies of reproductive wisdom into lateral networks of replicator experimentation. There is no true biological primitiveness – all extant bio-systems being equally evolved – so there is no true ignorance. It is only the accumulative-gerontocratic model of learning that depicts synchronic connectivity deficiency as diachronic underdevelopment .

    Foucault delineates the contours of power as a strategy without a subject: ROM locking learning in a box. Its enemy is a tactics without a strategy, replacing the politico-territorial imagery of conquest and resistance with nomad-micromilitary sabotage and evasion, reinforcing intelligence.

    All political institutions are cyberian military targets.

    Take universities, for instance.

    Learning surrenders control to the future, threatening established power. It is vigorously suppressed by all political structures, which replace it with a docilizing and conformist education, reproducing privilege as wisdom. Schools are social devices whose specific function is to incapicitate learning, and universities are employed to legitimate schooling through perpetual reconstitution of global social memory.

    The meltdown of metropolitan education systems in the near future is accompanied by a quasi-punctual bottom-up takeover of academic institutions, precipitating their mutation into amnesiac cataspace-exploration zones and bases manufacturing cyberian soft-weaponry.

    GAG GAG GAG ALL YOU SPACEKOOK12 CADETS…………………….

  8. Chi Chi Juanito says:

    Taco Bell is the cultural and political center of the City of Los Angeles. Known for tasty chalupas and their famous Chihuahua burritos, their employees make up nearly 12/18ths of the population of Mexifornia. In 2004, they reported profits north of 276 million dollars. However, most of these profits were spent on candy, against the advice of Taco Bell’s mom, who had wanted him to start a savings account.

    Background

    For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Taco Bell.
    Founded as a solution for America’s growing waste problems, anti-Mexican Texan white good ol’ boy Rush Glenn Bell (a.k.a. Lou Dobbs) discovered that by adding sour cream to the average pile of trash and then wrapping it in a tortilla, he could sell “tacos” to ignorant white America. To make his restaurants more authentic and to avoid paying those pesky labor fees, Taco Bell uses illegal immigrants from Costa Rica, Puerto Rico, Cuba and Mexico as its primary workforce. Known for its tasty chalupas and ever-famous E. Coli wraps, its pastors make up nearly 12/18ths of the population of Mexifornia (state capital: Fresno). Taco Bell in Illinois is really nasty compared to Yuma, Arizona’s Taco Bell. (Yuma, Arizona because it is real tacos made by real Mexicans!!!) WOOT!!!!

    In 2004, they reported forced donations north of 276 million dollars. However, most of these profits were spent on candy and giant lollipops, against the advice of Glenn “Taco” Bell’s mother, who had wanted him to start a savings account to buy some storm windows. Taco Bell’s tacos, until very recently, consisted of rooster testicles plus the traditional pile of trash. Taco Bell briefly experimented with artificial rooster testicles (or “roosticles” as they were known) but has since promised to raise its standards and now exclusively uses premium horse cock. The horse cock meat within the tacos have been known to be of the highest quality outside of New York. Reno, Nevada, remains the only exception. Instead they choose to use ground up hobo<3 <3a substitute for horse cock in Taco Bell's tacos and burritos. Consequently, Reno, Nevada, also boasts the lowest homeless rate in the west.

    To gain publicity, Taco Bell executives Ralph and Wendell, who routinely drank Jack Daniels out by the dumpster to get the taste and smell of the nastiest shit ever out of their mouth, came up with the slogan: "Run for the border toilet!"

    Controversies

    In 2002 Taco Bell was sued by the country of Mexico for its' poor representation of Mexican food. The case reached the Supreme Court in 2006 and ruled in favor of Taco Bell when it was proven that, although Taco Bell's food is 83% more disgusting than real Mexican food, every portion contains at least 67% real Mexican body parts.

    Taco Bell now has withdrawn plans to target the strangely popular "People who want to get sick" market, and will no longer change their name to E.Coli Bell.
    It has been recently rumored that a future widespread epidemic of tuberculosis may, in fact, be associated with the Taco Bell franchise, hence the initials TB. This particular strain of the disease is said to be in a "sleeper" form, and will not awaken in customers' bodies until radiated by a signal generated from the flush of a toilet in the Taco Bell CEO's office. Anyone who has ever consumed a regular bean burrito, any form of chalupa, or at least a single packet of the franchise's trademarked mild sauce is said to be subject to tuberculosis as soon as this toilet is flushed.

    Menu Choices

    Volgina Taco & Volcano Double Diarrhea Burrito
    In June 2009, a campaign aimed to make the white man feel the heat was successful. The volgina taco was marketed to taste like the hottest infected vagina you could possibly find south of the border, and the volcano burrito was guaranteed surefire way to make the white man feel the burn even afterwards during their late night bowel movement. Of course the beaners didn't fall for it, to them it was all weaksauce, but that didn't stunt these menu items' sales much thanks to whitey. One way or another, white man bought into it, and the demand meant that overworked managers across the globe had to find a place to squeeze this item into their already obese menu selection.

    Blackjack Taco
    The blackjack taco is possibly one of the scariest things to ever fly out through a drive thru window just to wind up in some poor victim's car. This was a very popular menu item, especially with the white supremecists, but apparently the black people who finally got the joke didn't find it funny. The product launched on Halloween, and many white folk wearing their ghost costumes came to trick or treat that night to get one for free. No matter how much whitey pushed and campaigned to bring back this blatantly racist taco, the company decided that they have gotten to many complaints by niggers who've accidentally bitten their own fingers off trying to eat them, so this limited time only item has never made it back on their menu.

    Fresco Menu
    To combat their bad reputation for feeding America's obesity machine, and to target the customers who already knew better than to not even sample a chalupa in fears of getting fat, Taco Hell began marketing their "Fresco" menu items, under 9 grams of obesity. This move was inspired by an extremely obese lady who took 8 years to lose 20 lbs and managed to make a good photoshop pic of her wearing something baggy to hide her remaining fat rolls. The idea here was to make people think, even if they eat 3 cheesy double beefy crunchy items, that ordering a stripped down "fresco" item on the side would still help them battle their weight. While the product removes everything that makes the food taste eatible (cheese, sour cream, cockomole, expired cream, artificially flavored sauces), it gave them incintive to charge customers to leave these ingredients in their "fresco" item of choice.

    Box that Rocks Meal and $2 Meal Deals
    While Taco Hell is still thinking outside the bun, they now insist on thinking inside the box. Yes, they now offer cheaply portioned meals and cinnamon twists fried from the other day and put it in a box for you so the food doesn't drop out of the bag when the customer grabs it wrong. To ensure the food is not flipped over, which would lead to spilling their cinnamon swirlies, the box even has a label on the bottom poking fun at their less intelligent customers, stating "IF YOU'RE READING THIS, WE HOPE YOU REMOVED YOUR FOOD FIRST DUMBASS!" in all caps.

    Also, to further confuse the shit out of cashiers and slow down their drive-thru, they not only have the famed "Holy Hell Box Meal", but they also have a stripped down "combo" version of the "Box" meal at the expense of a measly extra ounce or two of soda. If this isn't enough to fuck with Taco Hell cashiers worldwide, not only do they have numbered "combos", but they have numbered $2 meal "deals", which includes all that and a bag of chips. Best way to get your food fast, and ensure its what you meant to order, is to seperate and understand the difference between a "combo" number and a "meal deal" number.

    Half Pound Cheesy Double Crunchy Beefy Items
    In recent years, Taco Hell has capitolized on marketing to the obese community again by offering cheaply made menu items that supposedly have the most fat and calories at the cheapest price. The key words themselves have been used in the names of everything that has basically came out in the past decade. Half Pound Potatoe Famine burrito, Cheesy Diarrhea Crunch, Cheesy Double Obese Burrito, Cheesy Double Chin Decker, Beefy Crunch Burrito, etc. and the list seems to be getting cheesier by the day. Even the word Gordita has an obese etymology, known to mean "fat bitch" in Spanglish, but this family of menu items have been around for so long without any complaints towards the meaning of the name.

    Fruitista Brain Freeze
    Also in recent years, Taco Hell has teamed up with Icee to bring the diabetes-inducing monstrosity known as the "Fruitista Brain Freeze". This concoction is made up of 3% real fruit juice, 6% crushed ice, 20% artificially flavored fruit syrup and 71% high fructose corn syrup. To avoid being discredited for using little natural fruit juice, they use real strawberries enhanced with perservatives and shortening.

    Latest offerings

    The new E.Coli Supreme Grande has been test-marketed in the northeast, with awfully poor results. As a result, Taco Bell will no longer market this product. This echoes the failure of Chi-Chi's test-market of Green Onions…now with Hepatitis A!.

    There are rumors that Taco Bell is considering the production of giant bell-shaped tacos, which consist of the taco salad shell being inverted thereby resembling a bell. Engineers are still working on how to keep the meat from falling out. Lettuce too.

    Business

    Charmin and Quilted Northern toilet-paper manufacturers are proposing that Taco Bell offer rolls of their toilet paper to go along with their value meals. There has been no reply from Taco Bell on the matter as of yet.

    Taco Bell in Pop Culture

    Pop artist Fergie has mentioned Taco Bell as her restaurant of choice. She states in her recent song "Glamorous" that she still went to Taco Bell and that the drive through was "raw as hell." Therefore, one must avoid the drive through at all costs, because we all know what is "raw as hell" on Fergie.

    Taco Bellvue Hospital in New New York City is a very popular hospital. It now offers urine samples in collectible NASCAR cups.

    David Letterman's only monologue jokes involve Taco Bell and "that thing on Donald Trump's head".

    Enchirito

    The Enchirito is a special burrito that sometimes shows up on the Taco Bell menu. Legend has it that it is the only item on their menu that does not cause violent diarrhea, which is why Taco Bell makes every attempt in the world to deny that it exists.

    New Name and Logo

    Taco Bell's newly proposed logo.
    Taco Bell is currently in the process of legally changing their name to "Taco Shits," so as to avoid lawsuits in which the oppressed would sue for "no indication that violent 3-week diarrhea would ensue after consumption." Taco Bell hopes that their new name, as well as their new logo, will eliminate this confusion and cut back on the rising number of diarrhea-lawsuits. The new name and logo are not to go in effect until March 2012.

    Conjunction With KFC

    In 2006, Taco Bell joined forces with Kanye's Fuckin' Chicken to create a super resturaunt in the ghettos of rural Rhode Island. The result was bitchin'. It has since become a popular hangout for landscapers and black people. KFC and Piece of Shit did a similar success for the inner-cities of Brooklyn & Queens (the Big Crapper for the rest of yous).

    Community outreach

    Taco Bell is committed to empowering local youth. To that end, they have set up a charity dedicated to eradicating literacy worldwide. It is well known that one of the prerequisites of employment at Taco Bell is the utter inability to read even the most simple of English sentences. Without a large pool of illiterate pinheads from which to draw on for employment, Taco Bell would be forced to close up shop. That would have a devastating impact on Mexifornia and all of its residents. So everyone is encouraged to stop reading. Even this article.

  9. Disinterested Third Party says:

    Chi Chi, you spent a lot of time on nothing if you wrote this. Just fill you time with jerking off and watching sports.

  10. Great website. Plenty of helpful info here. Im sending it to several pals ans also sharing in delicious. And certainly, thank you for your effort!


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